Adoption: Part 1

Meet Heidi. This little 4 1/2 year old has an unbreakable hold on my heart. She is the sassiest, most joyful, moodiest, cutest, giggly cuddle bug on the face of the earth. This girl has more attitude than all of our SCH teenagers put together. She is a pro at the stank face, and her favorite activity is wagging her finger in her sister's face. Heidi giggles nearly every time I pick her up, and she loves one on one time. Heidi tries to braid my hair every afternoon after her bath time. She laughs every time as she ends up laying in my lap after a failed hairstyle. My love for Heidi is so much greater than any love I have ever had for another person. The love I have for all my girls is like that, but Heidi holds a special place in my heart.

I remember the first moment I met Heidi. Last summer, my team and I were gearing up for our first day of preschool English camp when the SCH car arrived full of kids. Hannah, one of our older school girls, helped the little ones out on to the sidewalk. Then she turned and placed Heidi in my arms. Heidi was SO tiny. I remember her wrapping her arms around my neck and resting her head on my shoulder. I was immediately overwhelmed with a huge love for this girl.

Last summer, she was like a tiny little noodle who folded into my arms. It took me two days to get her to sit facing away from me and participate with the other kids. At first I thought she might be shy or afraid of others. I was shocked to find at the end of our second day when I put her into the SCH car to go home, Heidi climbed into her seat, wagging her finger at the other kids and ordered them to move over. This little girl had some attitude!

The more I got to know her last summer, the more I fell in love. Heidi was perfect. She has Down Syndrome and she didn't talk, but that didn't make her any less of a person. I knew that God made her fearfully and wonderfully. And I knew that God made me knowing that I would one day enter into this girl's life.

After I left India last summer, I missed Heidi every single day. For months I would stalk SCH foster moms and volunteers on Facebook looking for new pictures of Heidi and updates on my baby girl.

When I felt God calling me back to foster, it was obvious that I was supposed to go to her home. My heart longed to be back in India loving her and my other girls. God placed this bond on my heart, linking me to Heidi. There wasn't a day that went by where my thoughts weren't consumed with the memories I had of this sweet little girl.

In March we discovered Heidi's tonsils and adenoids were swollen and blocking more than 75% of her airway. She quickly had a surgery scheduled to remove her tonsils and adenoids. Her old foster mom sent me a message detailing everything, and my heart broke. I knew this wasn't a major surgery. Kids have their tonsils out all the time. But Heidi was in Hyderabad for the surgery and her old foster mom wasn't. She was back in Ongole with the other girls. The thought of Heidi going through this without a mom sickened me. I wanted so badly to hop on a plane the very next day and be there with her. I wanted to carry her into the hospital, and lay her down in the bed. I wanted to hold her hand as they gave her the anesthesia, and be by her side as she drifted off to sleep. I wanted my face to be the first thing she saw when she woke up from the surgery. I wanted her to know I loved her and be comforted that her mom wasn't putting her through this alone.

I also knew these weren't exactly realistic expectations. If I really had hopped on a plane and shown up the day before her surgery, I would have been a stranger. Even worse, I would have been a very white stranger who didn't fit in at all. Heidi probably wouldn't have recognized me and my presence wouldn't have helped things much. If Heidi needed a surgery like this now, things would be be different. I would be a huge comfort to her. But I'm still not everything she needs.

Heidi needs a real mom.

She needs a real mom and a real dad. Heidi needs a family. While our little family is great, living at SCH is not the best thing for her. She is still an orphan here. Over time, some of her foster sisters will probably be adopted. She might receive new foster sisters, and maybe new foster parents. A time will come when I have to leave SCH. As much as it breaks my heart to think about it, I know it is true. I love my girls and I love being their mom. But I am like a band-aid covering their wounds of abandonment. I stop the bleeding and help wipe away the tears, but I don't heal the wound. I am not Heidi's forever mommy. 

I love Heidi and I am dead serious when I say that if Heidi is still here in five years, I WILL adopt her. But I hope and pray every single day that is not the case. She doesn't need to spend five more years here waiting for me to become eligible to pursue her. She needs a family NOW. Heidi needs loving parents who choose to fight for her and walk alongside her forever. She needs parents who love her unconditionally and who choose to lay down their lives for their beautiful daughter. She needs a forever family.

 

Every night long after my girls fall asleep, I go and check on each one of them. As I watch all six sleep soundly, I pray that their forever families are out there. If I could adopt all six of my girls right now I would. I honestly really would adopt all six of them in a heartbeat. But that isn't possible. I know the Lord has great plans for my girls, and I dearly hope His plans involve six forever families. 

I hold Heidi and wonder how I will ever be able to let her go. With a smile, I imagine one day handing her over to her parents. I imagine completely letting go of my baby girl and giving her to something so much better. I hope and pray Heidi's family is out there fighting for her, pursuing her, and praying for her every day. She has so much love to give and so much love she needs to receive.

I can't think of a better way I could love her than surrendering her completely to the Lord and trusting that He has a family out there for her. If it is the Lord's plan for me to one day become her real mom, than I pray he keeps her safe until that day. But I really hope He has different plans. I hope she is long gone and home with her family by the time I turn 25. 

Join me in praying for Heidi and all my other girls. They need families. Pray that the adoption process speeds up, and that all our kids at SCH make it home soon. They need mommies and daddies who will be with them forever. 

I post this verse a lot, but God really lays it on my heart every time I think about adoption. Jesus says in John 14:18 "I will not leave you as orphans. I will come to you." I know that wherever my girls end up, they are not orphans of God. He is their Heavenly Father and will never abandon them. They are His. 

I'm Home

I haven't been blogging as much as I would like to lately. Ideally I would like to post two or three times a week, but that just hasn't been happening. I feel like I have told you all a lot about my girls and what is going on with them, but I haven't told you much about what is going on with me.

So here goes. A blog post about my life lately in India.

I absolutely LOVE living in Ongole. I never want to leave. I love my girls more than anything and I can't imagine not being their mom. I love fostering. It is the hardest thing I have ever done, but it is so amazing. I love this city and feel so at home here.

Ongole is considered a village by most Indians. The population is a little larger than Knoxville, so it doesn't feel small to me! It isn't clean whatsoever. I rarely see real cars that are used as a family or personal vehicle. True American food is a thing of the past, and I eat more and more like an Indian each day. The city is loud, crowded, and far from what I used to consider home.

I'm not going to lie - my first couple weeks in India were HARD. I cried 5-8 times a day for the first two weeks. I hated living in Ongole. I didn't feel prepared to be a mom. I only knew 5 Telugu words and couldn't communicate with anyone. December 8th felt years away, and I wanted to go home. I thought I might have made a mistake by coming to India. Oh how wrong I was.

Ongole is my home. My girls are my family.

I walk down the streets of Ongole with a smile on my face. I love hailing rickshaw autos and telling drivers to go away when they try to overcharge me. I love learning Telugu from my nurse friends who work here. Lalitha, a nurse about my age, has quickly become one of my closest friends. We talk, laugh, and tease each other every day. She talks to me about my life in America, and I talk to her about her Indian life outside of SCH. I'm thankful to have an Indian friend who is just as sassy as I am. :)

I am quickly picking up more Telugu, and will be starting formal lessons in a few weeks. I've learned enough that I can communicate more efficiently with my Indian staff, as well as tell my girls useful commands like "go to sleep!"

I'm doing things I swore I would never do. When I first arrived there were certain Indian customs I never wanted to become my norm. But now I buy live chickens to cook, eat with my hands, use the squatty potty in my bathroom, balance things on my head to carry, and sometimes eat rice for breakfast. No worries though - I still use toilet paper and I am NEVER going full Indian on that front.

India really is my home now. Before I graduated high school, I really felt like I wasn't following God's will by applying to colleges. Once I started college I felt like I was flat out disobeying God. I felt like this my freshman year, and felt it even stronger after I returned from my first trip to India last summer. Hear me out - I am incredibly thankful for the two years that I spent in school. I learned so much and made friends I never would have otherwise. Most of my closest friends I either met or rekindled with in college. God definitely worked in my life during those two years. He stretched me and grew me tremendously. He put me through extremely hard things, refining my heart and preparing to send it to India.

But I still don't think it is where He wanted me to be. He definitely used my time spent in school, but ultimately I never once felt like I was in the center of His will.

Living in my tiny apartment with my six wonderful girls is different. I finally feel like I am in the center of God's will. I am exactly where He wants me, and it brings me inexplicable joy to know that.

This is my home. This is my life, and I love every second of it. I love Heidi, Angel, Naomi, Chelsea, Paula, and Stephanie. I love all the other kids at SCH. I love hosting volunteer teams that come through and seeing them love on our kids. I love the other missionaries fostering here. I love the city. I love the simplicity. I love the chaos. I love it all.

God placed me here for it to become my new home, for my girls to become my new family. And I praise Him every second of every day for doing so.

Leah Part 2

I haven't been able to bring myself to write about this until now. My heart aches for Leah and yearns for Christ to redeem her soul. On Saturday Leah moved to a different foster home.

After spending nine days in Hyderabad, we arrived back in Ongole on Friday morning. Leah and I were thrilled to see the rest of the girls and finally be back home. She did really well in Hyderabad as a whole. She had her temper tantrums and fits of rage; she hated the hospitals and put up a fight every visit, but she was playing well with the other children. She listened and obeyed on the first request way more often than she had been at home. Her bed wetting decreased tremendously, and she was an all around joyful kid. Then we arrived back home.

Her first night back in our apartment was a really bad one. All of her behaviors that were putting the other girls in danger came back. I didn't know what to do. After talking with our director Sarah and the Rippees, we decided to move Leah to an apartment in Grace Home that Randy and Rita foster. The girls in her new apartment are closer to her age and can defend themselves in a bad situation whereas my girls could not. Leah goes to an on sight Special Education school in their apartment, so she already is familiar with her new foster sisters.

On Saturday morning I went over to see Leah at Grace and tell her what was happening. I told her in English and had someone translate and tell her in Hindi as well. I wanted to be sure she understood what was happening fully. I told Leah that she was going to live here at Grace now. I told her I loved her and that I would still come see her. As I hugged her, she buried her head into my chest screaming and crying. I cannot even begin to describe the pain and longing in her cry. Leah understood what was happening and this was her way of begging me to stay. Tears ran down my face as I repeated "I love you. I love you. I love you so much Leah."

When it came time for me to leave, Leah chased after me screaming. Her voice was so full of pain and longing. I kissed her on the cheek, told her I loved her, and walked out the door as the nurses restrained her to keep her from hurting herself or anyone else.

I walked outside Grace Home, sat down on the side of the road and cried. Rita came over and talked to me for awhile about how I was feeling and how Leah was doing. I cried as I confessed that I felt like I was abandoning her. No child should have to go through this less than four months after they were found at a train station.

I want Leah to know how much I love her. I want her to understand that she means more to me than she can fathom. I want her to know that the last thing I want is for her to feel abandoned. I want her to know how much prayer went into this decision, and that it was still the hardest decision I have ever made. I want her to know that this is what we believe is best for her and our other children. I pray every day that she likes her new home, adjusts well, and knows that I love her.

We had to make an extremely hard decision that was in the best interest of both her and my other six girls. While I believe this was the right decision, it still isn't an easy one.

I will love you forever Leah. While I may no longer be your foster mom, you will never stop being one of my foster daughters. I promise to pray for you every single day. I pray that your paperwork is quickly processed and you become eligible for adoption. I pray that your forever family is out there ready to welcome you in with loving arms. I pray that you find joy and peace in your new home. I pray that the Lord teaches you to control your anger and live a life filled with His grace. 

Jesus promised in John 14:18 that he would not leave us as orphans, but that He would come for us. Moving Leah is the hardest thing I have ever done, but I find peace in knowing that her life is in God's hands. I didn't give her to the Rippees, Sarah, or her new foster sisters. I gave her to God. And he will not leave her as an orphan. He will come for her and bring her new life.

May the Lord bless her and keep her. Make the Lord make his face shine upon her and be gracious unto her. May the Lord lift up His countenance upon her and give her peace. Amen.

My Beautiful Birthday Girl

Isn't she just radiant? Paula's thirteenth birthday was yesterday (August 2nd)! For nearly a week before, I would Skype her from Hyderabad and Paula would scream "Happy birthday! Happy birthday Paula!" As soon as I got home on Friday morning she started singing the birthday song as she scooted towards me. The look of excitement on her face was like a child on Christmas Eve. She COULD NOT wait! 

I bought her a half saree for the birthday. We went to pick out the fabric on Friday afternoon and the SCH tailor stitched it for her! Before her party I helped her dress up and do her hair. One of our nurses here gave her a brand new pair of earrings and some girls serving here for a month bought her hair flowers! 

Before the party my friends Elise and Shawna helped me decorate the roof of our building! We hung balloons and streamers as well as a birthday collage consisting of banners and pictures of Paula! There was music playing that consisted of Paula's favorite songs. 

Paula opened two gifts from some of the short term volunteers who are at SCH right now. They got her a pair of new gold bangles and gold anklets! Let me tell you - she LOVED it! I got her cake out as we all sang Happy Birthday! Paula blew out the candles and laughed as everyone clapped for her. We all had some cake and Paula took pictures with everyone who came to her party! 

After her party, we took Paula to eat dinner at Ramya (a nice restaurant in town). The members of the team serving here helped me carry Paula and her wheelchair up steps, and into autos. I wanted the night to be all about Paula because she deserves it. 

Paula is the most joyful child I have ever known. She has faced so many hard things in her life, yet she never complains. She climbs stairs every day with a smile on her face. She sings at the top of her lungs, claps with enthusiasm, and strikes up conversations with anyone who passes. Paula is very aware of her disability, and I can tell it bothers her that she isn't as physically able as her sisters and friends. She often times get overshadowed or left behind just because she can't keep up.

Seeing the joy on her face when we did everything to serve HER specifically made me cry. Paula was SO joyful. She was absolutely radiant and glowing. Paula was beautiful, inside and out. 

Would you consider getting Paula a birthday present? Paula needs monthly sponsors. She currently doesn't have any sponsors which means all of her living expenses are being taken out of SCH's general fund. We'd like this money to be used solely for emergency medical expenses, and administrative costs. If you choose to sponsor Paula, I will personally Skype you with her! You can meet her, talk, and get to know this beautiful girl! 

Paula's sponsorship is $200 a month and $50 a month for school expenses. But you can partially sponsor her at $40 a month! I really want to see Paula get fully sponsored soon, because this radiant girl deserves it.

Happy 13th Birthday beautiful girl! It's nice to have such a joyful teenager in the house! 

Leah: Part I

I've posted a little about Leah before, but I haven't formally introduced her to you yet. Meet Leah - my crazy, spunky, high-energy, Hindi-speaking 10 year old.

All of my girls have a unique and heartbreaking story of abandonment, and I'm sure there is more to each of my girls' stories that I'll never hear. My other six have been at SCH for a few years, but Leah has a different story. She was found at a train station a little over two months ago. The police brought her to the nearest orphanage where she was labeled as "mentally unsound" within a week. I was reading her file, I discovered that the only reason she was labeled as such was because she couldn't tell the anyone her name or age. Leah only speaks Hindi so at the time, she might not have understood the question she was being asked. Or she could have been absolutely terrified to tell these strangers anything about herself. Whatever the reason may be, this resulted in Leah being transferred to SCH.

I am so thankful she is here instead of at some other orphanage. I am so thankful she is in my home instead of a home without a foster mom. Leah desperately needs someone who will love her unconditionally, invest in her, and advocate for her. And I am so thankful that God placed me here to be that person.

Leah has more energy than any kid I have ever met. Asking her to sit still is almost a worthless cause.   When she becomes happy or excited, she always defies gravity and somehow manages to jump up and down with her body twisted into some upside down position. Notice how in this picture all the other kids are sitting and laughing while Leah's doing a head stand! Other times she will lay her hands and feet flat on the floor and hop around like a frog. 

Leah usually plays well with her sisters and other friends here at SCH. She isn't enrolled in school right now, but she goes to an on sight Special Education program held here. In the mornings she has classes taught by the Rippees, a family of missionaries living and fostering at SCH. They have a few blogs about Leah which you can read here. In the afternoons she is taught by an Indian special education teacher. She can sign most of her English ABCs and is learning a lot about how to behave in a classroom setting. 

Leah is extremely smart and aware of her surroundings. She came to SCH understanding little to no Telugu or English. She is now understanding most of what we speak to her in both languages! She hasn't learned to speak much yet, but that may be partially due to a speech problem. I highly suspect that Leah has a speech impediment, but it is so hard to know for sure since close to no one in Ongole speaks her language. She has learned to say one English word though! A few days ago she began calling me "Mummy!" 

Leah and I went to the beach with the Rippees and a couple of their girls last week. It was such a wonderful day as I got to know my girl better and spend a whole day just with her. We had a blast running head first into the waves of the Bay of Bengal and getting knocked over by the tides. Leah laughed joyfully as waves knocked us over and left us lying in the sand. She wrapped her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist trusting that I wasn't going to let her go. That day I got to see the girl who lives deep inside Leah's heart, a joyful, silly ten year old who strives to be accepted and live adventurously. 

Leah is like a fully loaded cannon ready to explode. Sometimes she explodes with joy and laughter; other times she explodes with anger and violence. My heart aches for her as I watch this inner struggle that goes on in her head. When I first arrived in India, Leah definitely had some behavior problems and she would sometimes hit her sisters, but it was usually fun and games to her. She never seemed to hit when she was angry or upset. As time went on her behaviors began to escalate. 

At first things weren't too bad. Leah would become angry if I left the apartment with another girl for some one on one time. Leah demonstrates several attention seeking behaviors so this wasn't too far out of the ordinary. A few days later she started losing her temper whenever things didn't go her way. She started throwing fits where she sprawls out on the floor thrashing around and screams mostly unintelligible sounds that are obviously filled with anger. I've had a really tough time finding ways to calm her down in these situations without sticking her in time out. 

Over the past week and a half things got worse. Leah's behaviors escalated to new heights that were far out of my control. Leah started becoming violent when something went wrong. Then she started becoming violent without any trigger that I could see. She had a really bad night a few days ago that left me aching for her and worrying for my other girls. I knew having her around was becoming unhealthy and dangerous for them. After all my girls were asleep, I sat on the floor beside Leah's bed crying and begging the Lord for guidance. I had absolutely no idea what to do for this girl. She carries so much anger, pain, and fear that is far deeper than anything I could probably ever imagine. I wept for her as I imagined what could be going on in her head. I wondered if she regretted her actions and how that would affect her in the future. I wondered if she would even remember this night in the morning. I wondered if she wanted to do these things or if she just lost control. 

As I sat by her bed and watched her sleep I saw an innocent little girl that deserves a much better life than the one she's been living. I saw a girl who desperately needs freedom and life in Jesus. I prayed with a few other volunteers that night for Leah. We each lifted her up to the Lord asking for healing and wisdom to be bestowed on this entire situation. We prayed for God to give me wisdom on how to best be her mom and advocate. We prayed that her behaviors would not negatively impact any of my other girls. We prayed and prayed for Leah, asking that the Lord would bring her a life free of anger and full of joy. 

After a lot of prayer and talking with some others here at SCH, I decided Leah needed help sooner rather than later. Leah and I are leaving for Hyderabad tomorrow night. We will spend several days at the SCH home there attending doctors appointments every day. I have appointments scheduled for her with a behavior specialist beginning on Wednesday afternoon. We are also going to see a psychiatrist and a speech therapist. I am hoping that this trip will bring us some insight and answers to Leah's behaviors. I am hoping that she is receptive to all of our doctor's visits and that this is the beginning of a new path of healing for her. 

I titled this post Leah: Part I because I believe her journey isn't over. She is so much more than the lost, confused, and frustrated kid we've seen thus far. I am confident that there is a life filled with redemption, joy, and abundance awaiting her. This isn't over yet. I will stand by her through it all advocating for her, loving her, and investing in her life. God has something amazing waiting for Leah. He will bring her freedom to run head first into the waves of His grace. 

Seven Reasons Why You Shouldn't Use the Word "Retarded"

I have been an advocate for the Spread the Word to End the Word Campaign for years. In high school I led a rally with the help of my friend Jonathan encouraging students to end the use of the words "retard" and "retarded." In high school I had seventeen reasons why you shouldn't say the r-word. Those seventeen reasons were seventeen of my closest friends, all of whom are living with disabilities. Now I have seven more.

I am currently living in India at Sarah's Covenant Homes, an orphanage for children with physical and developmental disabilities. I am a foster mom to seven of the most amazing girls who have ever walked this earth. All of girls are orphans who have been abandoned due to their disabilities. In Hinduism, which is the religion most Indians living in our area practice, it is believed that if someone is born with a disability they are being punished for something in a former life. A lot of Indian culture is shaped by Hindu beliefs including this one. People with disabilities are automatically put into the lowest caste and they are referred to as "untouchables."

My girls have all faced a lot of hardships in their lives, but I believe that has only made them stronger. There is absolutely nothing about them that is "retarded" or "untouchable." They are amazing.

Reason #1: Stephanie

Stephanie is my thirteen year old. She is blind and has some developmental delays due to not being in school or cared for during the early years of her life. She has been completely dependent on others nearly her entire life. Due to her past, Stephanie fears almost everything and she is really cautious to talk to people she doesn't trust. People have written her off as unable to do anything for herself. But that is not the case. Stephanie amazes me each and every day. Last week I introduced her to her new guide cane. No one had ever taught her the concept of a guide cane before, so naturally I was expecting the learning process to take awhile. But it didn't. Stephanie learned to use her cane independently in under two hours. Since that day, she uses her guide cane nearly everywhere she goes. She is learning to navigate new terrains, and she is beginning to stand up for herself and tell her foster sisters no when they try to lead her out of habit. Stephanie is trying new things every day and I am so proud of her. She is one of the most joyful girls I have ever met. This girl has a smile that could light up the world. You can read more about Stephanie and her accomplishments here.

Reason # 2: Leah

Leah was found at a train station two months ago. She was brought to a nearby orphanage by the police and dropped off. Within a week this orphanage deemed her "mentally unsound" because she could not state her name or where she had come from. She was transferred to SCH and placed in my home. Leah only speaks Hindi and the language spoken in this part of India is Telugu. My guess is she either didn't understand the first orphanage's questions because they were spoken in a different language, or she was too scared to tell these random strangers information about herself. I think Leah also has a speech problem and I am taking her to a Hindi speaking speech therapist soon to confirm. She has several behavioral issues as well, but that doesn't make her any different than anyone else. Yesterday I went to the beach with Leah and she laughed, played, and splashed just as any other kid would. She is a fun loving ten year old who loves to laugh and play. Leah's favorite thing to do is use the Talking Tom app on my iPad. She talks to it in Hindi and giggles every time it speaks back to her in her language. Leah is spunky and a completely independent person. She loves helping me pick out the little ones' outfits and get them dressed. She is altogether a happy kid despite her recent trauma of abandonment.

Reason # 3: Chelsea 

Chelsea is my youngest at three years old. She was born with a cleft lip and palate, but has had them repaired since coming to SCH. She is a silly and spunky girl who recently started school for the very first time! Chelsea has a prominent scar on her stomach from the g-tube she used prior to her surgery. Her scar and surgically repaired lip still outwardly mark her as "different" to many who meet her. But she isn't different. Every day upon arriving home from school, Chelsea runs up the stairs to our apartment screaming "HIIIIIII!" and giggles as I engulf her in a bear hug. She loves sneaking into our bathroom and playing in the water when I'm not looking, and she hates bed time. Her favorite thing to play with is the girls' tent tunnel, and she loves when I sing to her. Chelsea is your average three year old girl and a whole bundle of cuteness. 

Reason # 4: Naomi

Naomi is around eight years old and has Down syndrome. She was found three years ago and brought to SCH. We don't know much about her past, but it is likely that she spent the first five to six years of her life on the streets being kept alive by beggars who used her for pity, or kept hidden in her house by her family who saw her as a disgrace. Whatever her past may be, it left scars. Naomi cowers in fear if she thinks she has done something wrong. My heart breaks each time as I hold her close and tell her I love her and that I am never going to hurt her. Naomi doesn't speak very much; she can only say a few words in Telugu and one or two in English. She loves looking at pictures of herself and screaming her name, making sure everyone in the room knows that she is beautiful. Naomi is a problem solver. She loves doing puzzles and has even figured out how to use the touch screen to solve some puzzles on my iPad! Her favorite things to do are color pictures and make crafts, which she is insanely good at! Naomi has been through more than I can imagine in her short life, but she is a smart girl who is working hard to be like everyone else.

Reason #5: Paula

Paula is twelve years old and has cerebral palsy. She received her very first wheelchair in February and she is still learning how to use it. She spent the first eleven and a half years of her life crawling everywhere she went. She had to depend on others to carry her long distances and due to her mobility issues, she rarely got to leave the orphanage to go on outings with the other girls. Yet Paula is filled with so much joy. She always has a smile on her face and will make you laugh at the first thing she says. Paula is so determined to learn how to use her wheelchair and become more independent. I love pushing her through our "neighborhood" and letting her interact with other kids besides the ones living at SCH. She's your average preteen who secretly loves her mother's kisses, but will pretend to be disgusted and embarrassed when she receives them.

Reason # 6: Angel

Angel is four years old. She originally came to SCH with an undiagnosed "spinal problem" because she couldn't walk and wouldn't put weight on one of her legs. It was later found that she had osseous tuberculosis. She finished her nine month treatment last fall and has been rambunctious and stubborn ever since. She is incredibly silly and loves to be the ring leader of mischief around our home. Angel loves run up and down our balcony every evening after dinner. She giggles at herself every time she purposefully calls me the wrong name and laughs even harder when she sees my reaction. 

Reason # 7: Heidi

Heidi is four years old and has Down syndrome. She is a giggly girl who loves to play with me. Her favorite toy is her baby doll. Every day she combs it's hair and tries to braid it just like hers. She loves the baby swing in our apartment; she will laugh and laugh as I push her back and forth. Then when it is time to get out she waves her hands frantically to tell me "no no no!" and shoots me a sassy look as her feet touch the floor. She has more attitude and personality than any four year old I've ever known. She likes to boss her sisters around by wagging her little finger at anything they do wrong. Heidi hates getting dirty. Indians eat with their hands and don't use utensils, but Heidi hates it. Sometimes she'll refuse to eat unless I get her a spoon so her hands stay clean. She is cuddly and loves to be held and loved on. Heidi is learning to talk and is already saying a few words clearly!

Not a single one of my girls is a "retard." In fact, they are quite the opposite. My seven girls are AMAZING. They have been through more in their short lives than most of us will ever have to endure. They live in a culture that rejects them, and they live as orphans. They have me as their foster mom right now, but they won't have me forever. My seven girls are not "untouchables" and they are not any different than you and I. 

I love my girls more than I have ever loved anyone, and I thank God for them every day. Next time you start to use the word "retarded" to mean dumb, slow, stupid, inferior or whatever else, I hope you think of my girls. That word insults me and them on a deep level. My girls have overcome more in their lives than you or I probably ever will and they deserve words of praise and respect. 

Stop using the words "retard(ed)" today and instead think about my girls and words that better describe them.

My girls are amazing, brave, outstanding, loving, giggly, silly, fun, lovely, unbelievable, beautiful, artistic, determined, joyful, expressive, mischievous, enthusiastic, kindhearted, clever, helpful, gifted, tender, delightful, eager, hilarious, proud, jolly, lively, able, cheerful, entertaining, adventurous, cuddly, important, inquisitive,  helpful, noisy, rambunctious, talented, smiley, sneaky, worthwhile, and lovable. But they are most certainly not retarded. 

Meet Stephanie

Stephanie is the oldest girl in my home, but she is also the most overlooked. If you were to walk into my apartment Leah would bombard you immediately while screaming some exciting Hindi phrase. After you got past her, my three little ones would be jumping towards your waist and reaching for your hand. Chelsea would scream "HI!!!" (It's the only English word my 3 year old knows, so naturally she uses it ALL THE TIME.) Heidi would give you a look so full of attitude that you would probably start to laugh, and Angel would drag you towards the kitchen to see if you can reach the cookies she's been trying to sneak all day. Then you would see Naomi who is a little timid at first, but now that she's seen the other girls interact with you, she has probably decided that you're ok. She'll come up and hold your hand and really be content doing anything as long as she can cuddle up next to you. Paula will dazzle you with her award winning smile and really capture your heart. She will just be so excited that you are there to see her and be by her side. Then once you make it past the other six, you'll see beautiful Stephanie sitting in a chair patiently awaiting for you to say hi.

Stephanie is estimated to be 13, although personally I think she might be around a year older. She is blind and probably due to her past before coming to SCH, she is extremely quiet and timid. She is a really smart girl who understands English really well and can speak quite a bit. You wouldn't know that unless you spent a lot of time around her though. She doesn't talk very much and it is extremely rare for her to speak unless she is spoken to. She is afraid to lead herself around most of the time. She will usually just stand and wait for someone to lead her, even if it is small distances within our apartment. Normally she won't engage herself in what others are doing and seems to be pretty content just sitting there in her own little world.

Stephanie is normally defined by everything I just said. Other foster moms, volunteers, staff members, and me before I became her foster mom usually describe her as a happy and quiet girl who probably has some self confidence issues due to whatever her past may be. But she is so much more.

Stephanie is a young teenage girl who loves to music. She loves when I sing to her (which is saying something because I am far from a pretty singer); she loves when I play music in the apartment; she loves to sing songs along with me. Her favorite song to sing in English is Jesus Loves Me which she always requests when I ask her what she would like to sing.

Stephanie is amazing. Lately as I have been trying to teach her new things, she has gone above and beyond and learned them in a matter of minutes. A couple weeks ago I worked with her on pushing the little ones in the baby swing that hangs in our living room. I started by standing behind her with my hands over hers working on pushing the swing forward and bracing for when it came back. After awhile I had her try it on her own and the first few times she didn't really get it. She would catch the swing and kind of walk back and forth with it. But we kept working and honestly I thought it would probably be something we would need to work on for several weeks before she fully grasped the concept and built up enough courage to let go and have a 4 year old in a swing flying at her that she couldn't see. But she surprised me.

This was after just 20 minutes of pushing the girls! She began pushing them on her own! And as you can tell, she is SO happy. This girl amazes me. She is becoming SUCH a different person than she was even just a month ago. She is really starting to come out of her shell and try new things. She is gaining so much self confidence each day, and I am so proud of her.

Yesterday I started working with her on using her guide cane. This was the very first time I had introduced her to it, so naturally I expected our lesson not to get much further than just learning how to hold it. Stephanie surprised me once again! We spent around two hours up on our roof practicing and by the end of our time she was walking all the way across the roof by herself!

We began by learning how to the hold the cane. I was doing hand over hand with her as she learned how the cane felt. Then we began walking slowly with the tip of the cane touching the ground. I showed her how if felt when the cane bumped into objects, then we learned how to go around them. Within the first hour Stephanie was walking by herself, but I was still beside her and giving her many verbal directions.

Then she began to surprise me! Paula was also on the roof in her wheelchair. She has a long way to go in building up strength to wheel herself around all day. Imagine living 12 years of your life without a wheelchair then having to learn to use it all at once! It's a completely new way of life. So I took a break with Steph and began working with Paula. I kind of expected Steph to just stand there until I came back to her, because well that's normally just what she does. Once again, she amazed me. She continued to walk around independently with her cane! I wasn't even prompting her. She was so excited to be able to explore on her own! The joy on her face was absolutely radiant as you can see in these photos! 

After I finished working with Paula, I came back to Steph and decided to try something new. I told her I was going to walk to the other end of the roof and start talking to her. I wanted her to follow the sound of my voice and find me on her own. I cried as she walked across the roof completely independently for the very first time. The smile on her face lit up the world and joy was overflowing from her. My girl did it. She did something that so many had deemed impossible for her. 

We worked for another hour as Steph walked to me independently again and again. She went around obstacles and walked to the sound of my voice with a smile on her face. I cannot express to you all how proud I am of her. Stephanie is the most amazing thirteen year old I have ever met. She has been through so much in her life that I cannot even imagine. She's grown up in a place that rejects her and sees her as worthless. She's spent the majority of her life just sitting around because no one ever saw the need to invest in her and help bring her life. She is overcoming all of that. I wish everyone who's ever written her off could see her now. I wish they could see the beautiful and amazing young woman she is becoming. 

Stephanie is AMAZING. I am so proud to be her mama.