Understanding Abandonment

My girls (as well as the other children at SCH) are mostly all orphans due to their disabilities. Most Hindus believe in reincarnation. With that belief, they believe that if someone is born with a disability, they are being punished for something in a former life. It is also believed by some that having a child with a disability is bad karma and a punishment to the parents. Because so many Indians share these beliefs, a lot of children with disabilities are abandoned from birth or a young age.

That sounds absolutely terrible and dreadful, right? It makes you angry that someone would literally throw their own child away or leave them for dead because of their disability. Well it should. It is in no way right, but there is a lot more that goes into abandonment than just religion. I want you to understand what goes through some of these people's heads. Anger is a healthy feeling to have in response to this, but I'm not sure that being angry at the parents is right. Our anger should be directed towards the lack of education, the poverty, and the deeply ingrained culture values that stem from old wives tales and beliefs that are not true.

Can you imagine living in a tent made of roughly sewn together bed sheets and tarps? That is how a huge population of India lives. The "untouchables" are people living in the lowest caste in India. They are often disabled, beggars, and living on next to nothing. In most places in India there is little to no social mobility. Can you imagine living that type of life with no hope of change? Poverty is already such a vicious cycle and almost impossible to escape from. But here there simply isn't an option. You're poor and that is just the way it is. You can't get into a good school (even if you somehow found the money to pay). You can't hold a simple job. These people simply do not have options. Now imagine having a child with a disability. How are you possibly going to care for them? You don't have the money to get them medical care or specialized education. You don't even have the money to feed them. Sometimes it seems like the only choice is abandonment.

Now imagine being a 17-24 year old girl awaiting marriage. You have no say in the matter, as your parents are picking your husband. They decide to pick someone they know and trust from your village. He also happens to be your second cousin. This happens far to often in Indian culture, especially in villages where ancient religion trumps modern education. Most girls have no say in who they marry, and even if they did, would they know not to marry family members? Would they know that the likelihood of having a child with a birth defect, deformity, or disability is alarmingly high? Probably not. Would they even know a single negative effect or risk of marrying a family member? Unfortunately, most people probably have no idea.

One more scenario: imagine having a child with a disability and loving them with everything you had. You look at your child and see that they are perfect. Your child is everything you have ever dreamed of and more. But then you remember that if people in your village find out about your son/daughter, they will shun you. More than likely you will lose your job. You might not be allowed back in your temple. Your other children could be denied education. You look down at your child and realize that they might mean a life living on the streets or in the slums, struggling to obtain food and water. Then you realize that in this culture, the only thing you feel like you can do is abandon them. Hopefully they will be found by someone who can give them the resources they need and you can continue to provide for your family. Imagine the heartbreak and loss in that scenario.

These are some of the reasons kids are abandoned here. And trust me, there are many more. It is a messed up and lost system. A system in desperate need of better education and resources. It is heartbreaking, awful, and sad.

If we ever want to end the orphan epidemic, we cannot solely focus on adoption. Yes, adoption is critically needed. There are over 142 million orphans worldwide. Every single one of those kids needs a family. They by no means all need to be adopted to America or another developed country. Many of them living in other countries would benefit most from being adopted by families in their own country. But if adoption is our sole focus, are we really looking to the root of the problem? Kids will continue to be abandoned. The world is in desperate need of education and resources to aid families. People need support in raising children. If they feel that they cannot care for a child, they need resources to do so. People need to know that help and support is not only out there, but attainable. People need to be educated on how to raise multiple children, children with disabilities, or critical illnesses. They need to be educated on the effects of gendercide, and the value and equality of women. They need to know that every child is worthy of life despite gender, medical condition, ability, or social class.

In order for change to be brought about in the orphan epidemic, people all over the world need to be educated. There needs to be resources in place to aid families who feel like abandonment is the only option. We as well off citizens of our developed and educated countries have to speak up for these people. We need to bring awareness to the root of this epidemic. We need to unite together with a vision and fire to end the abandonment of children. We need to help these families.

Join with me in spreading awareness and understanding of why children are abandoned in other cultures. Help me campaign for education and resources to families who feel like there is no other option. Share this blog. Research ways you can help. Tell your friends and coworkers. Spread the word.

"Every human life is worth the same, and worth saving." - JK Rowling. Let's save these kids lives by keeping them with their families.

Forgetting the American Dream

I won’t normally post blogs two days in a row, but today I just wanted to share what was on my mind. I just finished doing my laundry for the first time in India. Using two small buckets filled with unsanitary water on a porch less than three feet wide, I hand washed each item one by one. And let me tell you - IT WAS HARD. I was out there for nearly two hours profusely sweating in the Indian heat as I scrubbed my clothes with my bare hands. I found a scrub brush (I had absolutely no idea how it was previously used) and used it to scrub any stains out of my clothes. By the time I was finished, I was physically exhausted, dehydrated, and emotionally drained. 

I know a lot of people might read this and think “Wow, that really opens your eyes to how lucky we are to live in America and have these modern comforts.” And I see your point; I really do. It’s sort of like that old phrase “You never know what you have until it’s gone.” That just isn’t what my eyes were opened to. 

Now you might be expecting me to go on some rant about how we in America have way too much and “how can we be living like that when there is so much poverty all over the world?” But that isn’t what was laid on my heart either. 

My eyes were opened to how messed up our attitude is in America. Now I know everyone doesn’t feel like this, but where I am from I hear an awful lot of “We have what we do because we work hard for it.” 

Pushing all political ideologies aside, I think that’s how most Americans think deep down. Conservatives would phrase this belief much different than liberals and Christians much different than Atheists, but deep down I think most Americans believe if you work hard, you become successful both in riches and in pleasure.

It’s the American Dream. 

But I think it’s flawed. 

By stating that those who work hard succeed, we are implying that the unsuccessful (or the poor) don’t work hard. And that is just not the case. 

I see poor people every single day. My apartment is in a poor colony on the edge of town. Every night I see people sleeping outside, some on woven cots and many on the ground. I see entire families living in one roomed huts without power or plumbing. I see children running around naked, playing in fields of trash alongside wild hogs. Across the street from our little neighborhood, there is a slum. Every day I walk past tents made out of ratted pieces of tarp, bedsheets, and towels. There are far more people in that slum than there is room for. 

These people aren’t living in poverty because they don’t work hard. In fact, I think the opposite is true. There is nothing easy about hand washing your own clothes. And that is just a daily chore. Driving a little rickshaw auto around town for 10-12 hours a day making 10 rupees (that’s 16 cents USD) per rider isn’t easy. Leaving your family and the village you’ve lived in your entire life to go work 24/7 at an orphanage as a nurse or ayah isn’t easy. 

Some of these people are considered well off in India. Many of them are not. But compared to what many Americans and people in other developed countries are making, most of them are poor. And let me tell you, it certainly isn’t because they aren’t working hard. 

Now in India there is a caste system and a lot more plays into social mobility. But I won’t go into that right now. There are poor people here in India. I am living alongside some of them. There are poor people in all parts of Asia, all parts of Africa, all parts of South America, all parts of Europe, Australia, and North America. There are people living in poverty all over the world.

And I think if we ever want to end poverty, if we ever want to help those in need, our attitudes need to change. 

We have to stop giving to charity or dropping an envelope in the church offering plate with the thought “I’m glad I can help those who are less fortunate.” Whether you’re Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, Jewish, Agnostic, Atheist, or any religion, whether you are conservative, liberal, or in between, you have to get rid of these notions we have about the poor. You have to quit thinking that the poor are poor because they don’t work hard. You have to forget the American Dream.

Because the American Dream doesn’t always work. Some people work harder than I ever have in my life yet they can’t escape the cycle of poverty. They can’t afford a college education to get a good job. They were raised in the ghettos or slums and never got the chance to get out. That happens here in India, it happens in Africa, it happens on the streets in Europe and on the streets of your hometown in America. 

Poverty happens everywhere. We are never going to be able to end it unless our attitudes start to change. So stop thinking “Man are we blessed/lucky/fortunate to have what we do.” Stop thinking “I’m proud that I’ve worked hard so that my family can have a comfortable life.” 

Acknowledge that people living in poverty work just as hard as we do. Acknowledge that some people living in poverty work harder than we do. Get to know someone living in poverty and form a relationship with them. Stop giving out of pity and guilt and start giving to help out a new friend, an entire family, an unseen face, an orphan oversees, just give to someone in need. But don’t stop there. Don’t give and then check “helping end poverty” off your list. Form relationships with people in your community. Read blogs of people living oversees and find ways to help their communities. Listen to the needs of the poor and meet them. Instead of giving someone $20, help them fill out a job application. 

I firmly believe that ending poverty is possible. But it isn’t going to happen until the attitudes of the rich change. My prayer for you is this: 

May your eyes be opened to people struggling everywhere. May you become aware of needs in your own backyard and across the world. May your attitude change and may you lose sight of living the American Dream. May your eyes be opened to all of those working hard and still living in poverty. May you be led to form relationships with them. May we all band together, the rich, the poor, and the in between to put an end to poverty.