Welcome to Hyderabad!

We've been in Hyderabad for over three weeks now. And what a crazy three weeks it has been! Our first ten days here we were stranded in the basement of another SCH home because our house wasn't ready. The girls were stir crazy by the time we moved in! But the day finally came and we moved into our beautiful new home!

Our house (called Joy Home) is a giant two story house. We live on the first floor. Another group of kids that SCH will soon be getting from the government will live on the second. The amount of space we have is crazy! It's triple the size of our apartment in Ongole.Our house has four bedrooms and 4 1/2 baths. The older girls share one bedroom while the younger ones share another. The rooms are HUGE! Jackie, Heidi, Angel, Chelsea, Jeanette, Esther, Naomi, and Rebekah share the largest room of the house. They have more room than they've ever had in their lives! We are so thankful that SCH picked this beautiful house for our girls! The smallest bedroom in the house has been transformed into a school room where our girls do their homework. They have a tutor who comes every afternoon and helps with homework as well as catching them up in school as most of them are behind a couple years.

The best part of living in Hyderabad is our new schools! Having access to better schools is the main reason we moved. There were no special education resources in Ongole and our girls were not getting the education they needed or deserved. By the time we moved, four of our girls had been kicked out because they "didn't have any ability to learn". Getting all twelve enrolled in various schools was a long and stressful process, but we are thrilled to now see all twelve thriving in their new schools!

Esther, Jackie, Angel, and Chelsea are enrolled at Bachpan Playschool. Bachpan is a top notch preschool with one of the best academic programs in Hyderabad. Chelsea and Angel are in playgroup, the beginning class. Jackie is in nursery, the second level. We are really hoping they will soon see how smart she is and bump her up to LKG with Esther! Esther's class, LKG (lower kindergarten) focuses on learning to read and write small words as well as many other things. The girls love Bachpan and can't wait to put their uniforms on every morning!


Heidi started at Kangaroo Kids Playschool last week. I am so excited to see her thrive in their integrated program. I really think that attending a different school than her sisters will help her to develop appropriate social skills and become more attentive in an academic environment. Heidi loves going to school! She's the first one to leave in the morning (which is hard as she's the slowest of our bunch), but she can't wait to walk out the door and get on her bus every day!

Paula, Naomi, and Rebekah are attending Sparsh Special Education School. We absolutely love Sparsh and have been thrilled with the resources they have access to there! In addition to their education they each receive half an hour of speech therapy, physiotherapy, and occupational therapy every day! They come home with daily reports detailing what they learned and how their therapies went. Naomi and Rebekah have been learning how to jump in physiotherapy and Paula gets leg exercises every day! They are all learning phonics and how to pronounce their ABCs correctly. In occupational therapy they are learning how to correctly hold pencils and are working on fine motor skills.

Phoebe, Victoria, Stephanie, and Jeanette were recently enrolled at Devnar School for the Blind. Devnar is normally a boarding school, but they were happy to let our girls attend during their school day! They are all learning to read and write Braille as well as learning regular academics. They started them out in 1st Class since they didn't learn how to read Braille in Ongole. On the girls' first day we discovered that Phoebe had been enrolled at Devnar several years ago before she came to SCH! She learned Braille then and has continued with it on and off during her years at SCH. She's a really smart girl, and we are hoping she picks it back up quickly and can be promoted to a higher class! Devnar has amazing resources and education for children who are blind. We're really excited about the opportunities the girls will have here!


With school enrollment, comes heavy school fees. Thankfully, four of our girls get to attend school for free!! Victoria, Phoebe, Jeanette, and Stephanie have zero school fees! All they need is $25 a month each for transportation. Victoria and Phoebe's are already covered! Steph and Jeanette still need sponsors. You can become a $25 per month sponsor for Jeanette here and for Stephanie here. Just donate under the School Sponsorship link.

The rest of the girls have some pretty hefty school fees. All of the girls fees cover their tuition, enrollment fees, books, uniforms, field trips/special events, and transportation. We are currently fundraising to cover everything for this semester (now-May). Heidi needs $645. Chelsea, Angel, Jackie, and Esther each need $525. Paula, Naomi, and Rebecca each need $490.

We need $4,215 as soon as possible. I know that's a huge number, but every little bit helps! Could you please donate even just a simple $10 so our girls can go to school? You can donate at www.tinyurl.com/schjoyhomeschoolfees.

Enjoy our Shake It Off music video as you consider donating towards our girls' education!

Three Bundles of Joy

There has been so much going on since our six new girls moved in! Abby and I have been co-fostering for about two weeks now, but it feels like we've been doing this forever!

Abby and I designed family t-shirts and had them shipped to her in America before she left. Look how cute we all are! The shirts say "You are beautiful for you are fearfully and wonderfully made!"

Looking at this picture still puts me in shock. Do we really have twelve kids? Our family looks so huge and overwhelming in this picture, but that's not really how I feel in day to day life.

Yes, our day to day is absolutely crazy and beyond chaotic. But I don't feel overwhelmed. Honestly I don't even feel like twelve is too big a number. Abby and I like to joke about how insane we must be to have twelve children with special needs who don't fluently speak our language. But that's all it is, a joke.

Life with these twelve beautiful girls is wonderful. Never have I experienced so much joy in one place. These silly girls bring so much JOY and LIFE into our home. We've been up to a lot lately and each of our twelve have been absolutely thriving since we all moved in!

Heidi said her first word! The other night I was carrying her downstairs when she reached out and touched my face. As I turned to see her, she looked me right in the eyes and said "mama". I cried. I have been praying for my baby to start talking for over a year and she's finally there! I had a meeting with a speech therapist a couple weeks ago and now have a solid plan for her speech development. I can't wait to see my little girl become more verbal! Heidi is just the cutest now that she has one word down! She grabs Abby or I, making sure she has our full attention, before saying "mama" and pointing to whatever she wants or needs. We are so proud! I've honestly never loved someone as much as I love Heidi. I love all my girls equally, but Heidi just has this extra special place in my heart. I don't know if it is just because she is the first child at SCH that I fell in love with or what. But man do I love this bundle of joy. Heidi brings a smile to my face every single day. Even when she pees her pants for what seems to be the millionth time, I can't help but look at her and smile. She is radiant. Heidi really means the world to me. I can't imagine going a single day without her in my life.

Jackie makes me laugh on a daily basis. She is usually one of our first children to wake up in the morning and loves to get me out of bed! Most mornings I wake up to her gently kissing my cheek. I roll over and she giggles and says "I love you Carrie Mummy! Morning time!" Jackie amazes me with everything she can do at five years old despite her physical disability. Jackie only has one finger on the end of each of her hands and one toe on the outside of each of her feet. Despite not having fingers to grab or hold things, Jackie can do just about anything. She still eats with a spoon, colors and writes with crayons, opens doors and cabinets, and gets in to trouble when she unlocks the latch on our gate! It's impossible not to love Jackie because she charms everyone the second she meets them. Recently a volunteer named Kevin served at SCH. When he introduced himself to Jackie she misunderstood his name. She immediately screamed "SEVEN YOU ARE MY FRIEND!" to which she received lots of laughter. Over the course of the month he was here Jackie made sure that everyone called him Seven instead of his real name. Jackie is such a goof.

Rebekah is a hot mess. There is no better way to put it. And I love it because I am the biggest hot mess there ever was. The only word Rebekah can say completely clearly is "yeah" and she says it all the time! "Hey Rebekah how was school?" "Yeah." "Rebekah have you done your tuition?" "Yeah." "Rebekah it's dinner time!" "Yeah." "Rebekah are you ready for bed?" Silence. Bedtime has proved itself  to be the only time I don't hear her "yeah". She gets really frustrated when she can't communicate through speech. Soon Abby and I will start working with her on ways of nonverbal communication so Rebekah can better express herself. Rebekah makes me laugh daily as well. She loves to blabber on as if telling a story in gibberish. The other night I read Rebekah a bedtime story. I read the book "David Goes to School". The little boy in the book is very animated and was probably intended to look a little silly. But that's not what Rebekah saw. She saw a character in a book who looked like her. She was SO excited to see his picture. Bouncing up and down in bed, she pointed to the picture of the boy then back to herself as if to say "He looks like me! He looks like me!" She pointed to his teeth then grabbed her own. She pointed to his eyes then covered hers laughing. I fought back tears as I saw the joy on my little girl's face. She finally found something that made her feel normal. Rebekah has Apert's Syndrome which causes her to look quite a bit different than other kids. I never realized that Rebekah might be self conscious about the way she looks. Seeing the joy on her face when a character from a book made her feel normal was breathtaking. Rebekah is beautiful.

Over the next few days I will be posting updates like this about each of our twelve! SCH is run completely off donations, and we have a sponsorship program to fund our children's living expenses and school fees. Abby and I really want to see all 12 of our girls become fully sponsored before the end of the year. The good news is that we are already a fourth of the way there! Heidi, Jackie, and Rebekah (along with Angel) are all fully sponsored.

An SCH child sponsorship is $200 a month in full. It covers the rent and utilities for the child's apartment, all their food and water, medicine, routine medical checkups, and transportation. It also helps cover the salary of employees who work with them directly (nurses, ayahs, physical therapists, etc).

Our girls also have separate school sponsorships to cover the cost of their tuition. Eleven of our girls attend mainstream private schools (free education isn't really a thing here). Paula is currently homeschooled, but still has an education sponsorship to cover the cost of her school materials and private tutor. School sponsorships are $50 a month.

I know that it A LOT of money. I could never afford to pay a full sponsorship each month! Luckily you can sponsor our kids in partial sponsorships. Abby and I both sponsor a couple of our girls at $40 a month. You can see our kids' sponsorship pages by clicking their picture on the right side of my blog or you can click here to see a list of all the children in need of sponsorship.

Here we stand, our hearts are Yours. Not our will but Yours be done. Join me in praying this for our 12 girls!

Out of Chaos

Let me give you a taste of what is like to live in our home.

Every morning Abby and I wake up to either Jackie or Jeanette pounding on our bedroom door screaming "Carrie Mummy! Abby Mummy! Victoria/Naomi/Jackie/Jeanette beating! She beating Sister!" When they say "beating" they really mean light slap, but you get the picture. I tumble out of bed and open the door to find two of our four blind children running around full speed in their pajamas tripping over their sisters and knocking each other over. They're completely over stimulated and it's only 7:30 in the morning. I often times find Rebekah standing in the middle of her bedroom crying because she needs help with her school uniform and she doesn't yet know any better way to communicate. Naomi is always busy hiding her sisters' shoes and underwear all over the house, while Heidi and Angel are covered head to toe in the rice they were supposed to eat for breakfast. All the beds reek of pee as we discover that over half our girls wet the bed. All of the girls' school shoes have somehow disappeared since the night before, and no one can find the correct school uniform. The bus is running twenty minutes late, but that's ok because someone just peed all over the floor on their way to the bathroom. 

It is utter chaos.

That's the beauty of it. Out of all the chaos, our girls are finding new life. They are discovering life in Jesus. They are discovering what it's like to have a family and parents who love them. A few of them are discovering this for the first time. 

Back when I started this blog I called it Life is Being Found. It is a reference to one of my favorite songs, Beautiful Things by Gungor. The lyric I identify most with says "Out of chaos, life is being found in You."

How true that is. Life is chaotic. Especially life as a foster mother to twelve children with disabilities in India. Out of all our chaos life is being found. True life in Jesus is being found. 

Every night Abby and I put our girls to sleep bedroom by bedroom. Our preteen girls have the latest bedtime, so we make it to them last. Phoebe is always bursting with excitement to lead us in a nighttime prayer. She prays to our God in her native language and it is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. This eleven year old girl really loves the Lord and yearns to be close with Him. Not only that, but she is eager to make sure her sisters do the same. She encourages Victoria, Paula, and Stephanie to take turns praying as well. Phoebe loves leading her younger sisters in worship songs. She is bursting with love for Jesus and she can't wait to share it with everyone she meets. 

Esther shines with a love and light that can only be from God. She has this radiating smile that you can't look at without seeing Jesus. Esther is full of so much joy.

Heidi, Chelsea, and Angel love to sing a new children's worship song I taught them a few weeks ago. The chorus says "I'll do my best, I'll do my best WHOA! I'll do my best for You. Woo woo woo!" During the WHOA! We throw our arms out to the side and our bodies swing like we're being knocked over by a wave. The girls giggle hysterically and I think about how God's love is just like that. 

The love the Lord pours out upon me knocks me over like a wave every day. Every day I wake up to complete chaos and His love astounds me. I walk out of my bedroom and am bombarded by twelve screaming girls. And it's in those moments that I feel His love most heavily. How lucky am I that God chose ME of all people to live this life? How blessed am I to get to love these twelve amazing girls and be on this amazing journey with the Lord? I'm not worthy of His love. I'm really not. I'm just as messed up as the next person. Even as I live this life in India, I struggle with just as much sin as I did in America. My life is so chaotic. But I am finding life in Jesus. His love overwhelms me and knocks me off my feet. It's amazing. His love for me is amazing. His love for my girls is astounding. I am so overjoyed that life is being found in Jesus.

Here we stand, our hearts are Yours. Not our will but Yours be done.

Cheaper By The Dozen

It's time for my big announcement! I am now a foster mom to 12 girls!

Many of you all have seen me post on Facebook about my friend Abby who is coming to SCH to foster. Abby and I have been praying for a couple months about bringing our girls together and co-fostering. We really felt like this was what God was leading us to, so we spoke with our director and she was all for it! 

We are living on the entire top floor of our building, Faith Home. We decided to call our home the "House of Joyful Noise" which is fitting for our spunky twelve. The top floor is set up in two apartments which I turned into one giant home this week! We have four bedrooms. Abby and I share a bedroom (with AIR CONDITIONING - Hallelujah for that!). We are in the back apartment with our littlest girls in the other bedroom - Heidi, Angel, Chelsea, Jackie, and Naomi. The older girls live in the two bedrooms in the front. Jeanette, Esther, and Rebekah share a room and Paula, Stephanie, Phoebe, and Victoria share the other. I set the back apartment up to be a living room and GIANT play room! (Pictures to come!) The front apartment contains our dining area and we are turning that living room into a school room where out older girls can work on homework every evening. 

I've been a single foster mom to 12 for a little over 24 hours now, and let me tell you. It is HARD. I absolutely cannot wait until Abby gets here this week! On Monday night I am riding an overnight bus to Hyderabad so I can pick Abby up at the airport early Wednesday morning. On Thursday night Abby and I will be traveling back to Ongole and begin this wonderful fostering adventure together! 

These are my six who I've been fostering the past two months. Paula, Angel, Stephanie, Naomi, Chelsea, and Heidi. I'm excited to introduce you to my six new beautiful foster daughters!! Meet Phoebe, Victoria, Jackie, Rebekah, Jeanette, and Esther. 

Phoebe is completely blind and the smartest girl I have ever met. This girl can solve entire 25 piece puzzles completely on her own! She speaks really good English and loves to sit around and talk with me. She is really pretty mature for her age, and is a wonderful big sister to all our little ones! Phoebe is Stephanie's best friend and I couldn't be happier that they are now living together. Today I caught the two of them sitting on the couch jabbering away is rapid Telugu, which is something I have never heard Steph do with anyone! I'm really excited to see how great this will be for both of them.

Victoria is mostly blind (she has about 10% of her vision), and she is one of the most energetic girls I have ever met. Her smile is one of my all time favorites! Victoria is spunky, goofy, and absolutely wild. She has really surprised me since moving in though. When I met Victoria last summer, she bounced off the walls and was completely out of control. Sometimes she's still like that, but then last night she sat down with Phoebe and I and had a really serious conversation. This girl is really starting to grow up and I am so proud of her!

Jackie is my spunky five year old with some hand and feet differences. She was born with a deformity causing each of her hands to only have one finger and causing each of her feet to have only one toe. Jackie amazes me with what she can do with those two little fingers! She has learned how to write, draw, eat, hold utensils, you name it! Jackie's English is actually really good and she loves to strike up conversations with volunteers. This little ball of spunk cracks me up, and she might love the TV more than anyone else I know! :)

Rebekah has Apert's Syndrome which makes her look a little different. It also causes an intellectual disability, but as you know that doesn't make her any different than anyone else! Rebekah is wonderful, energetic, and crazy. A recent volunteer described her by saying, "I just love her. She's just like me - a hot mess." Rebekah really is a little hot mess! She is all over the place, all the time. But she is oh so loving. Last night Rebekah was a little scared being in our new home. So I curled up next to her in bed and rubbed her back as she fell asleep in my arms. I'm really excited to see how much Rebekah will grow in the coming months as Abby and I begin to really invest in her!

Jeanette is completely blind and 110% our wild child! She has a beautiful prosthetic eye. Jeanette is completely fearless. This girl can't see a thing, but that doesn't stop her from running around full speed with her arms stretched out in front of her! Jeanette spends a big chuck of her time wrapped around my waist ready for an adventure! Jeanette is full of energy and spunk! I love her and can't wait to see her learn to use her guide cane and become more independent without crashing into things! 

Esther has a mild form of cerebral palsy and an intellectual disability. She is so full of joy, excitement, and life! Esther was by far the most excited about moving in with us (which is saying a lot because all the girls were ecstatic!) When I went to pick them up from their old apartment Esther was jumping up and down screaming "YAY YAY YAY YAY!!!!!!" She is for sure a cutie pie and brings so much joy and life into our home!

So there you have it! I am a mama to twelve of the most amazing girls on the planet and I love it! In a few days our family will be complete with Abby mama, and we will be a wonderful and happy family of 14! :) 

"This day is holy of our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength." Nehemiah 8:10

Adoption: Part 1

Meet Heidi. This little 4 1/2 year old has an unbreakable hold on my heart. She is the sassiest, most joyful, moodiest, cutest, giggly cuddle bug on the face of the earth. This girl has more attitude than all of our SCH teenagers put together. She is a pro at the stank face, and her favorite activity is wagging her finger in her sister's face. Heidi giggles nearly every time I pick her up, and she loves one on one time. Heidi tries to braid my hair every afternoon after her bath time. She laughs every time as she ends up laying in my lap after a failed hairstyle. My love for Heidi is so much greater than any love I have ever had for another person. The love I have for all my girls is like that, but Heidi holds a special place in my heart.

I remember the first moment I met Heidi. Last summer, my team and I were gearing up for our first day of preschool English camp when the SCH car arrived full of kids. Hannah, one of our older school girls, helped the little ones out on to the sidewalk. Then she turned and placed Heidi in my arms. Heidi was SO tiny. I remember her wrapping her arms around my neck and resting her head on my shoulder. I was immediately overwhelmed with a huge love for this girl.

Last summer, she was like a tiny little noodle who folded into my arms. It took me two days to get her to sit facing away from me and participate with the other kids. At first I thought she might be shy or afraid of others. I was shocked to find at the end of our second day when I put her into the SCH car to go home, Heidi climbed into her seat, wagging her finger at the other kids and ordered them to move over. This little girl had some attitude!

The more I got to know her last summer, the more I fell in love. Heidi was perfect. She has Down Syndrome and she didn't talk, but that didn't make her any less of a person. I knew that God made her fearfully and wonderfully. And I knew that God made me knowing that I would one day enter into this girl's life.

After I left India last summer, I missed Heidi every single day. For months I would stalk SCH foster moms and volunteers on Facebook looking for new pictures of Heidi and updates on my baby girl.

When I felt God calling me back to foster, it was obvious that I was supposed to go to her home. My heart longed to be back in India loving her and my other girls. God placed this bond on my heart, linking me to Heidi. There wasn't a day that went by where my thoughts weren't consumed with the memories I had of this sweet little girl.

In March we discovered Heidi's tonsils and adenoids were swollen and blocking more than 75% of her airway. She quickly had a surgery scheduled to remove her tonsils and adenoids. Her old foster mom sent me a message detailing everything, and my heart broke. I knew this wasn't a major surgery. Kids have their tonsils out all the time. But Heidi was in Hyderabad for the surgery and her old foster mom wasn't. She was back in Ongole with the other girls. The thought of Heidi going through this without a mom sickened me. I wanted so badly to hop on a plane the very next day and be there with her. I wanted to carry her into the hospital, and lay her down in the bed. I wanted to hold her hand as they gave her the anesthesia, and be by her side as she drifted off to sleep. I wanted my face to be the first thing she saw when she woke up from the surgery. I wanted her to know I loved her and be comforted that her mom wasn't putting her through this alone.

I also knew these weren't exactly realistic expectations. If I really had hopped on a plane and shown up the day before her surgery, I would have been a stranger. Even worse, I would have been a very white stranger who didn't fit in at all. Heidi probably wouldn't have recognized me and my presence wouldn't have helped things much. If Heidi needed a surgery like this now, things would be be different. I would be a huge comfort to her. But I'm still not everything she needs.

Heidi needs a real mom.

She needs a real mom and a real dad. Heidi needs a family. While our little family is great, living at SCH is not the best thing for her. She is still an orphan here. Over time, some of her foster sisters will probably be adopted. She might receive new foster sisters, and maybe new foster parents. A time will come when I have to leave SCH. As much as it breaks my heart to think about it, I know it is true. I love my girls and I love being their mom. But I am like a band-aid covering their wounds of abandonment. I stop the bleeding and help wipe away the tears, but I don't heal the wound. I am not Heidi's forever mommy. 

I love Heidi and I am dead serious when I say that if Heidi is still here in five years, I WILL adopt her. But I hope and pray every single day that is not the case. She doesn't need to spend five more years here waiting for me to become eligible to pursue her. She needs a family NOW. Heidi needs loving parents who choose to fight for her and walk alongside her forever. She needs parents who love her unconditionally and who choose to lay down their lives for their beautiful daughter. She needs a forever family.

 

Every night long after my girls fall asleep, I go and check on each one of them. As I watch all six sleep soundly, I pray that their forever families are out there. If I could adopt all six of my girls right now I would. I honestly really would adopt all six of them in a heartbeat. But that isn't possible. I know the Lord has great plans for my girls, and I dearly hope His plans involve six forever families. 

I hold Heidi and wonder how I will ever be able to let her go. With a smile, I imagine one day handing her over to her parents. I imagine completely letting go of my baby girl and giving her to something so much better. I hope and pray Heidi's family is out there fighting for her, pursuing her, and praying for her every day. She has so much love to give and so much love she needs to receive.

I can't think of a better way I could love her than surrendering her completely to the Lord and trusting that He has a family out there for her. If it is the Lord's plan for me to one day become her real mom, than I pray he keeps her safe until that day. But I really hope He has different plans. I hope she is long gone and home with her family by the time I turn 25. 

Join me in praying for Heidi and all my other girls. They need families. Pray that the adoption process speeds up, and that all our kids at SCH make it home soon. They need mommies and daddies who will be with them forever. 

I post this verse a lot, but God really lays it on my heart every time I think about adoption. Jesus says in John 14:18 "I will not leave you as orphans. I will come to you." I know that wherever my girls end up, they are not orphans of God. He is their Heavenly Father and will never abandon them. They are His. 

Seven Reasons Why You Shouldn't Use the Word "Retarded"

I have been an advocate for the Spread the Word to End the Word Campaign for years. In high school I led a rally with the help of my friend Jonathan encouraging students to end the use of the words "retard" and "retarded." In high school I had seventeen reasons why you shouldn't say the r-word. Those seventeen reasons were seventeen of my closest friends, all of whom are living with disabilities. Now I have seven more.

I am currently living in India at Sarah's Covenant Homes, an orphanage for children with physical and developmental disabilities. I am a foster mom to seven of the most amazing girls who have ever walked this earth. All of girls are orphans who have been abandoned due to their disabilities. In Hinduism, which is the religion most Indians living in our area practice, it is believed that if someone is born with a disability they are being punished for something in a former life. A lot of Indian culture is shaped by Hindu beliefs including this one. People with disabilities are automatically put into the lowest caste and they are referred to as "untouchables."

My girls have all faced a lot of hardships in their lives, but I believe that has only made them stronger. There is absolutely nothing about them that is "retarded" or "untouchable." They are amazing.

Reason #1: Stephanie

Stephanie is my thirteen year old. She is blind and has some developmental delays due to not being in school or cared for during the early years of her life. She has been completely dependent on others nearly her entire life. Due to her past, Stephanie fears almost everything and she is really cautious to talk to people she doesn't trust. People have written her off as unable to do anything for herself. But that is not the case. Stephanie amazes me each and every day. Last week I introduced her to her new guide cane. No one had ever taught her the concept of a guide cane before, so naturally I was expecting the learning process to take awhile. But it didn't. Stephanie learned to use her cane independently in under two hours. Since that day, she uses her guide cane nearly everywhere she goes. She is learning to navigate new terrains, and she is beginning to stand up for herself and tell her foster sisters no when they try to lead her out of habit. Stephanie is trying new things every day and I am so proud of her. She is one of the most joyful girls I have ever met. This girl has a smile that could light up the world. You can read more about Stephanie and her accomplishments here.

Reason # 2: Leah

Leah was found at a train station two months ago. She was brought to a nearby orphanage by the police and dropped off. Within a week this orphanage deemed her "mentally unsound" because she could not state her name or where she had come from. She was transferred to SCH and placed in my home. Leah only speaks Hindi and the language spoken in this part of India is Telugu. My guess is she either didn't understand the first orphanage's questions because they were spoken in a different language, or she was too scared to tell these random strangers information about herself. I think Leah also has a speech problem and I am taking her to a Hindi speaking speech therapist soon to confirm. She has several behavioral issues as well, but that doesn't make her any different than anyone else. Yesterday I went to the beach with Leah and she laughed, played, and splashed just as any other kid would. She is a fun loving ten year old who loves to laugh and play. Leah's favorite thing to do is use the Talking Tom app on my iPad. She talks to it in Hindi and giggles every time it speaks back to her in her language. Leah is spunky and a completely independent person. She loves helping me pick out the little ones' outfits and get them dressed. She is altogether a happy kid despite her recent trauma of abandonment.

Reason # 3: Chelsea 

Chelsea is my youngest at three years old. She was born with a cleft lip and palate, but has had them repaired since coming to SCH. She is a silly and spunky girl who recently started school for the very first time! Chelsea has a prominent scar on her stomach from the g-tube she used prior to her surgery. Her scar and surgically repaired lip still outwardly mark her as "different" to many who meet her. But she isn't different. Every day upon arriving home from school, Chelsea runs up the stairs to our apartment screaming "HIIIIIII!" and giggles as I engulf her in a bear hug. She loves sneaking into our bathroom and playing in the water when I'm not looking, and she hates bed time. Her favorite thing to play with is the girls' tent tunnel, and she loves when I sing to her. Chelsea is your average three year old girl and a whole bundle of cuteness. 

Reason # 4: Naomi

Naomi is around eight years old and has Down syndrome. She was found three years ago and brought to SCH. We don't know much about her past, but it is likely that she spent the first five to six years of her life on the streets being kept alive by beggars who used her for pity, or kept hidden in her house by her family who saw her as a disgrace. Whatever her past may be, it left scars. Naomi cowers in fear if she thinks she has done something wrong. My heart breaks each time as I hold her close and tell her I love her and that I am never going to hurt her. Naomi doesn't speak very much; she can only say a few words in Telugu and one or two in English. She loves looking at pictures of herself and screaming her name, making sure everyone in the room knows that she is beautiful. Naomi is a problem solver. She loves doing puzzles and has even figured out how to use the touch screen to solve some puzzles on my iPad! Her favorite things to do are color pictures and make crafts, which she is insanely good at! Naomi has been through more than I can imagine in her short life, but she is a smart girl who is working hard to be like everyone else.

Reason #5: Paula

Paula is twelve years old and has cerebral palsy. She received her very first wheelchair in February and she is still learning how to use it. She spent the first eleven and a half years of her life crawling everywhere she went. She had to depend on others to carry her long distances and due to her mobility issues, she rarely got to leave the orphanage to go on outings with the other girls. Yet Paula is filled with so much joy. She always has a smile on her face and will make you laugh at the first thing she says. Paula is so determined to learn how to use her wheelchair and become more independent. I love pushing her through our "neighborhood" and letting her interact with other kids besides the ones living at SCH. She's your average preteen who secretly loves her mother's kisses, but will pretend to be disgusted and embarrassed when she receives them.

Reason # 6: Angel

Angel is four years old. She originally came to SCH with an undiagnosed "spinal problem" because she couldn't walk and wouldn't put weight on one of her legs. It was later found that she had osseous tuberculosis. She finished her nine month treatment last fall and has been rambunctious and stubborn ever since. She is incredibly silly and loves to be the ring leader of mischief around our home. Angel loves run up and down our balcony every evening after dinner. She giggles at herself every time she purposefully calls me the wrong name and laughs even harder when she sees my reaction. 

Reason # 7: Heidi

Heidi is four years old and has Down syndrome. She is a giggly girl who loves to play with me. Her favorite toy is her baby doll. Every day she combs it's hair and tries to braid it just like hers. She loves the baby swing in our apartment; she will laugh and laugh as I push her back and forth. Then when it is time to get out she waves her hands frantically to tell me "no no no!" and shoots me a sassy look as her feet touch the floor. She has more attitude and personality than any four year old I've ever known. She likes to boss her sisters around by wagging her little finger at anything they do wrong. Heidi hates getting dirty. Indians eat with their hands and don't use utensils, but Heidi hates it. Sometimes she'll refuse to eat unless I get her a spoon so her hands stay clean. She is cuddly and loves to be held and loved on. Heidi is learning to talk and is already saying a few words clearly!

Not a single one of my girls is a "retard." In fact, they are quite the opposite. My seven girls are AMAZING. They have been through more in their short lives than most of us will ever have to endure. They live in a culture that rejects them, and they live as orphans. They have me as their foster mom right now, but they won't have me forever. My seven girls are not "untouchables" and they are not any different than you and I. 

I love my girls more than I have ever loved anyone, and I thank God for them every day. Next time you start to use the word "retarded" to mean dumb, slow, stupid, inferior or whatever else, I hope you think of my girls. That word insults me and them on a deep level. My girls have overcome more in their lives than you or I probably ever will and they deserve words of praise and respect. 

Stop using the words "retard(ed)" today and instead think about my girls and words that better describe them.

My girls are amazing, brave, outstanding, loving, giggly, silly, fun, lovely, unbelievable, beautiful, artistic, determined, joyful, expressive, mischievous, enthusiastic, kindhearted, clever, helpful, gifted, tender, delightful, eager, hilarious, proud, jolly, lively, able, cheerful, entertaining, adventurous, cuddly, important, inquisitive,  helpful, noisy, rambunctious, talented, smiley, sneaky, worthwhile, and lovable. But they are most certainly not retarded. 

Finding Home

I'm here! I am finally at my Indian home. But it doesn't feel like home to me. I feel like a stranger to this whole thing. Being a mom, the culture, the heat with no a/c, the food, the people, everything. I want to be completely honest in this blog, so you all can be praying for me and my girls. I want you to know exactly how I am feeling.

And it is hard. I knew it was going to be hard, but I don't think anything could have fully prepared me for this. I was sick my whole first day in Ongole. I tried to spend time with my girls in spurts here and there but my body just couldn't handle it. It is HOT here. Today the temperature was 108 without adding the humidity. (Ongole is only a few miles from the beach, so it is really humid.) Indian food is really spicy and far different than what I am used to. My girls don't speak very much English, so communication is hard. I think most of them understand quite a bit, but they can't speak it back. My ayah who lives with us speaks zero English and yells Telugu at me a lot to which I am probably returning a blank stare.

Honestly, I have probably spent more of my alone time crying than anything else. But as I prayed today, God really spoke to me.

He never said this was going to be easy. Following Jesus isn't easy. Jesus didn't call me to live an easy life in America. He called me to hard things. He called me to India. He called me to work with special needs orphans. He called me to this life. He called me to this very moment. He called me to seek His face in India.

And so, here I am. Trying to find home. For every second I miss my home in America, I pray and ask God to reveal home for me here. For every second I wish I was living my usual easy life, God reminds me that He doesn't call us to easy things. Furthering the Kingdom isn't easy. Truly following Jesus isn't easy. For every tear I shed, God brings me immeasurably more joy.

I love my girls. I love them more than I have ever loved anything else on this earth. And I don't want to be anywhere else. Finding home in India is hard, and sometimes I feel like my heart is in two places. But God has me here and my heart longs to be one with His.

He loves my girls unconditionally and relentlessly and He needs someone here on earth to show them that. So Here I am. Lord send me.

I'll be posting more and more about my girls over the next few weeks, but here is an introduction! :)

Chelsea is my youngest and she's a cutie pie. I couldn't get her to smile in this picture, but her smile is radiant. Chelsea loves to run outside our apartment door and hide around the corner until I find her. Then she's all giggles as I shower her with love and kisses.

Angel wasn't too sure how she felt about me our first day, but I think she's decided she likes me now. :) She's a little stinker sometimes and likes to get into trouble. Then when she's in time out, she tries to win you over with that dazzling smile of hers. She really is a good leader to the other little ones though. Even when she is getting in to trouble, she makes sure none of her sisters miss out on the fun.

Heidi won't smile for pictures, but she is all smiles for me. Today she followed me around every second always giggling when I would bend down to talk to her. Heidi is quite the little trickster as well!

Paula is my 110% total preteen. Sometimes she doesn't want anything to do with the rest of us, but most of the time she is the best big sister there ever was! Paula can't walk, but that doesn't stop her from helping all her other sisters with their mobility challenges. She is constantly by Stephanie's side helping her with things she cannot see. 

Leah is for sure my firecracker. She is wild and feisty and marches to the beat of her own drum. She only speaks Hindi while the rest of my girls speak Telugu, so communication is sometimes a challenge. She is very bright though and has already learned many nonverbal cues to communicate. We're working on English skills as well. :)

Stephanie reminds me a lot of the verse from 1 Peter 3:4 that says "it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight." Steph definitely has a gentle and quiet spirit. Some of that is due to lack of self confidence and fear because of her past. But I also think some of it is just who she is. Steph always sits alone off to the side away from her sisters. But when I come to her she reaches for my hand and says "Sing a song sister". Her voice is so quiet that you sometimes have to strain to hear her, but when you listen to her sing it is beautiful.

Naomi is silly and mischievous. She has a really special bond with both Heidi and Leah and plays well with them both. She is really curious and will get into absolutely anything and everything. She is really lovable and loves hugs and kisses!

This is my family. We are each very different and come from our own unique places, but we are a family. As hard as life is in India, I thank God every second that he brought me here.

Relentlessly

I spent a long time today thinking about God’s love for us. As I prepare to go to India, I have to constantly remind myself that I am doing this to serve God and no one else, not even my girls. I love my girls SO much. Not a minute goes by that I am not thinking of them, praying for them, and wishing I was already back in India by their sides. I would sacrifice everything I have for them.

But I am not doing this for them. 

I am going to India to serve God. I am going to India because five years ago God called me to work in an orphanage for children with disabilities in a country where they are casted out from society. I am going to India because God introduced me to SCH two years ago and has had me pray for them every day since. I am going to India to be with my Father. He created me, pursued me, loved me, and died for me. And I have to give every ounce of myself back to Him. 

A year ago, I was in a relationship with someone I loved very much. Without realizing it I had put him far above where God was in my life. Our relationship didn’t end on the prettiest of roads, and when I realized it was over I was devastated. I was broken. This person who I had invested so much in left me and didn’t turn back. 

I remember crying out to God, “Why did you let this happen? Why did you let me love him so deeply if it was just going to end? Lord, I’ve already forgiven him for the things he’s done wrong. I would welcome him back with open arms. Please God, I love him no matter what.”

I’ve never heard God speak to me as plainly as he did that day. He said, “Carrie, do you not see that is EXACTLY how I love you, but infinitely times so? I have already forgiven you of everything. I love you when you run away. I pursue you when you put other things before me. I will never stop pursuing you, never stop loving you. I am yours and you are mine. I love you no matter what.”

In that moment I finally began to realize how deeply God loves me. It took me falling in love and losing that person, being in what felt like unbearable pain from being rejected by the one whom I loved, to understand that God loves me just like that except deeper. Deeper than my mind can even begin to fathom. He loves me unconditionally. Relentlessly. His love for me never ends and it never fails. He loves me no matter what.

I just opened my Bible and a folded piece of paper fell out. It was a picture Heidi drew last summer. It’s actually just a bunch of scribbles made with a blue crayon. The paper is torn about a fourth of the way down and it looks like it is falling apart. Anyone else would look at it and think it’s trash, but to me it is one of the most special things I own. I have a little part of Heidi here with me. 

Heidi’s picture fell into my lap and I began to cry. I’m coming for you baby. I’ll be in Ongole so soon. When Marla Mummy leaves you won’t be alone. I’m coming for you and I will love you, care for you, and pray for you more and more as each day passes. I will never stop loving you. Never stop pursuing you. I will never stop giving you everything I am.

I couldn’t love Heidi like this if I didn’t know of my Father’s love for me. He loves me. He’s coming for me. He will never stop loving me or pursuing me. He will never stop giving me everything He has. I am His and He is mine. 

I serve a Father who loves Heidi. I serve a Father who loves Angel. I serve a Father who loves Chelsea, Paula, Stephanie, and Naomi. I serve a Father who loves me. 

He is bringing the seven of us together to become a family, and for that I could not be more thankful. He is bringing me to India to serve Him through loving my girls and becoming their mom. I am so in awe of a God who seeks out His children whether they be orphans in India or a lost, privileged girl in America. I am so thankful He pursues us and brings us into His Kingdom. 

“I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you.” -John 14:18-20

Jesus promised not to leave us as orphans. He adopted me into his Kingdom. He adopted my girls into his Kingdom. He gave my girls a home. He gave my girls a foster mom. But most importantly, He gave my girls an everlasting Father.

I'm moving to India!

When I was a junior in high school God put a dream in my heart, a dream to one day work at an orphanage for children with disabilities in a developing country where they are oppressed from society. I didn’t know if a place like this even existed or if God was calling me to start my own orphanage one day. God had been calling me to mission work for years. He gave me a huge heart for people living in poverty as well as a huge heart for other cultures far different from my own.

Working with people who have disabilities brings me a joy that nothing else on this earth can. People have asked me why I started this work and what made me love it this much. I’ve thought about that a lot and I really believe God placed this passion in my heart when I was a really young child. When I was in kindergarten there were two students in my class who had disabilities. My mom could tell you multiple stories of me loving them and always being the first to volunteer to do more activities with them. Seeing as I was so young at the time, I don’t have too many vivid memories of when I was in kindergarten. But there is one memory I will never forget. I remember sitting in a circle of my classmates who were all talking to a girl in our class who was autistic. Many of the kids were asking her questions which prompted her to respond in a way that marked her as different and unintelligent. I remember all of the other kids laughing at her responses and imitating her speech behind her back. Little five year old Carrie got MAD. I remember not being able to stand hearing other kids make fun of her. So I began standing up for her. I have several memories of playing with this girl in our classroom and on the playground. When our kindergarten class took our first field trip to the zoo, we were told to find a partner whom we would stay with on the trip. I picked this girl over all my other friends because I wanted her to know that she had friends too. 

So why I am so passionate about working with people who have disabilities? I’ve just never seen these people as “different”. I’ve always seen them as equally as I see everyone else. I know the rest of the world doesn’t see them the same way I do, and my natural reaction is to stand up for them. 

Proverbs 31:8 says “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute.”

There are many people with disabilities who have trouble standing up for themselves due to communication barriers. That does not make them any less of a person. They know when they are being outcasted. They know when they are being made fun of. They know when others view them as childlike when they are fully grown teenagers and adults. And they hurt. Many of my friends who have disabilities long to be treated just like everyone else. And there is absolutely no reason they shouldn’t be. 

So that’s a little bit about why I feel called to work with people who have disabilities. I’ll post more about it in the coming weeks leading up to my trip to India! Which leads me to my big announcement and the whole reason I started this blog.

I AM MOVING TO INDIA! 

For six months I will be living in an apartment with six of the most beautiful girls on the planet. I will be their foster mama at Sarah’s Covenant Homes (the orphanage I volunteered at last summer and also known as SCH). I will be leaving sometime around June 18th (once my plane ticket is purchased I will know the exact date) and I will be returning to Tennessee in December.

To say I am absolutely thrilled would be an understatement. I cannot wait to see each of my six girls again and scope them up into my arms, showering them in hugs and kisses. I’d like to introduce them to you now so you can start to get to know them!

Stephanie is a quiet thirteen year old girl who loves music. She is blind and due to her disability and probably her history before arriving at SCH, she is very cautious to explore the world outside her personal space. One thing I’m incredibly excited about is purchasing her a guide cane! I’ll be ordering her one before I leave and taking it with me to India in June. I’ll spend time teaching her to explore the world on her own and hopefully build her confidence and help her to become more independent. I’ve been doing a lot of research on how to teach someone to use a guide cane, but I would really like to get in contact with someone who has experience here in the States first. So if you know of anyone I could learn from please let me know!

Paula is the most joy-filled twelve year old I have ever met. She has cerebral palsy and cannot walk but she recently received her very first wheelchair! She had to heavily depend on others for mobility her entire life, but she is now learning to get around on her own! Paula’s smile can literally light up a room and it’s nearly impossible not to be happy when you’re around her.

Naomi is about to turn nine. She was born with Down Syndrome and is a curious little girl ready to explore the world.

Angel will be turning four about a month before I arrive in India. She was brought to SCH with some undiagnosed problems which turned out to be tuberculosis. Thankfully she was under fantastic and loving care as she began a nine month treatment. And last fall it was announced that she is completely cured! She is an active and rambunctious little girl who loves to play.

Heidi is four years old and has Down Syndrome. As the world’s biggest cuddle bug, she really stole my heart last summer. For nearly three days she didn’t leave my arms as we sang songs, ate ice cream, finger painted, and ran around. God really bonded my heart to Heidi’s in a special way and I cannot wait to be back in India as her new mama!

Chelsea will be turning three in a few days! She was born with a cleft lip and palate but has had them repaired since arriving at SCH! When I met her last summer she was still learning to walk and spent a great deal of time cuddling in my lap. She is a sweet little girl who will be starting preschool soon!

All of my girls attend school in our city. The three little ones (Angel, Heidi, and Chelsea) are in preschool. 

I’m funding all of my personal expenses for my trip on my own so everything I fundraise will be for the girls! I’ll have another post soon detailing the items I am fundraising for and collecting!

I am incredibly excited about going back to India and fostering my girls! Join me in praying for them and preparing all of our hearts for my arrival. They currently have another amazing foster mom named Marla who is with them now. She will be leaving a few days after I arrive in June. Pray for her as well as she fosters these girls the next three months and prepares to move back to the States! 

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” -James 1:27