Relentlessly

I spent a long time today thinking about God’s love for us. As I prepare to go to India, I have to constantly remind myself that I am doing this to serve God and no one else, not even my girls. I love my girls SO much. Not a minute goes by that I am not thinking of them, praying for them, and wishing I was already back in India by their sides. I would sacrifice everything I have for them.

But I am not doing this for them. 

I am going to India to serve God. I am going to India because five years ago God called me to work in an orphanage for children with disabilities in a country where they are casted out from society. I am going to India because God introduced me to SCH two years ago and has had me pray for them every day since. I am going to India to be with my Father. He created me, pursued me, loved me, and died for me. And I have to give every ounce of myself back to Him. 

A year ago, I was in a relationship with someone I loved very much. Without realizing it I had put him far above where God was in my life. Our relationship didn’t end on the prettiest of roads, and when I realized it was over I was devastated. I was broken. This person who I had invested so much in left me and didn’t turn back. 

I remember crying out to God, “Why did you let this happen? Why did you let me love him so deeply if it was just going to end? Lord, I’ve already forgiven him for the things he’s done wrong. I would welcome him back with open arms. Please God, I love him no matter what.”

I’ve never heard God speak to me as plainly as he did that day. He said, “Carrie, do you not see that is EXACTLY how I love you, but infinitely times so? I have already forgiven you of everything. I love you when you run away. I pursue you when you put other things before me. I will never stop pursuing you, never stop loving you. I am yours and you are mine. I love you no matter what.”

In that moment I finally began to realize how deeply God loves me. It took me falling in love and losing that person, being in what felt like unbearable pain from being rejected by the one whom I loved, to understand that God loves me just like that except deeper. Deeper than my mind can even begin to fathom. He loves me unconditionally. Relentlessly. His love for me never ends and it never fails. He loves me no matter what.

I just opened my Bible and a folded piece of paper fell out. It was a picture Heidi drew last summer. It’s actually just a bunch of scribbles made with a blue crayon. The paper is torn about a fourth of the way down and it looks like it is falling apart. Anyone else would look at it and think it’s trash, but to me it is one of the most special things I own. I have a little part of Heidi here with me. 

Heidi’s picture fell into my lap and I began to cry. I’m coming for you baby. I’ll be in Ongole so soon. When Marla Mummy leaves you won’t be alone. I’m coming for you and I will love you, care for you, and pray for you more and more as each day passes. I will never stop loving you. Never stop pursuing you. I will never stop giving you everything I am.

I couldn’t love Heidi like this if I didn’t know of my Father’s love for me. He loves me. He’s coming for me. He will never stop loving me or pursuing me. He will never stop giving me everything He has. I am His and He is mine. 

I serve a Father who loves Heidi. I serve a Father who loves Angel. I serve a Father who loves Chelsea, Paula, Stephanie, and Naomi. I serve a Father who loves me. 

He is bringing the seven of us together to become a family, and for that I could not be more thankful. He is bringing me to India to serve Him through loving my girls and becoming their mom. I am so in awe of a God who seeks out His children whether they be orphans in India or a lost, privileged girl in America. I am so thankful He pursues us and brings us into His Kingdom. 

“I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you.” -John 14:18-20

Jesus promised not to leave us as orphans. He adopted me into his Kingdom. He adopted my girls into his Kingdom. He gave my girls a home. He gave my girls a foster mom. But most importantly, He gave my girls an everlasting Father.