Leah Part 2

I haven't been able to bring myself to write about this until now. My heart aches for Leah and yearns for Christ to redeem her soul. On Saturday Leah moved to a different foster home.

After spending nine days in Hyderabad, we arrived back in Ongole on Friday morning. Leah and I were thrilled to see the rest of the girls and finally be back home. She did really well in Hyderabad as a whole. She had her temper tantrums and fits of rage; she hated the hospitals and put up a fight every visit, but she was playing well with the other children. She listened and obeyed on the first request way more often than she had been at home. Her bed wetting decreased tremendously, and she was an all around joyful kid. Then we arrived back home.

Her first night back in our apartment was a really bad one. All of her behaviors that were putting the other girls in danger came back. I didn't know what to do. After talking with our director Sarah and the Rippees, we decided to move Leah to an apartment in Grace Home that Randy and Rita foster. The girls in her new apartment are closer to her age and can defend themselves in a bad situation whereas my girls could not. Leah goes to an on sight Special Education school in their apartment, so she already is familiar with her new foster sisters.

On Saturday morning I went over to see Leah at Grace and tell her what was happening. I told her in English and had someone translate and tell her in Hindi as well. I wanted to be sure she understood what was happening fully. I told Leah that she was going to live here at Grace now. I told her I loved her and that I would still come see her. As I hugged her, she buried her head into my chest screaming and crying. I cannot even begin to describe the pain and longing in her cry. Leah understood what was happening and this was her way of begging me to stay. Tears ran down my face as I repeated "I love you. I love you. I love you so much Leah."

When it came time for me to leave, Leah chased after me screaming. Her voice was so full of pain and longing. I kissed her on the cheek, told her I loved her, and walked out the door as the nurses restrained her to keep her from hurting herself or anyone else.

I walked outside Grace Home, sat down on the side of the road and cried. Rita came over and talked to me for awhile about how I was feeling and how Leah was doing. I cried as I confessed that I felt like I was abandoning her. No child should have to go through this less than four months after they were found at a train station.

I want Leah to know how much I love her. I want her to understand that she means more to me than she can fathom. I want her to know that the last thing I want is for her to feel abandoned. I want her to know how much prayer went into this decision, and that it was still the hardest decision I have ever made. I want her to know that this is what we believe is best for her and our other children. I pray every day that she likes her new home, adjusts well, and knows that I love her.

We had to make an extremely hard decision that was in the best interest of both her and my other six girls. While I believe this was the right decision, it still isn't an easy one.

I will love you forever Leah. While I may no longer be your foster mom, you will never stop being one of my foster daughters. I promise to pray for you every single day. I pray that your paperwork is quickly processed and you become eligible for adoption. I pray that your forever family is out there ready to welcome you in with loving arms. I pray that you find joy and peace in your new home. I pray that the Lord teaches you to control your anger and live a life filled with His grace. 

Jesus promised in John 14:18 that he would not leave us as orphans, but that He would come for us. Moving Leah is the hardest thing I have ever done, but I find peace in knowing that her life is in God's hands. I didn't give her to the Rippees, Sarah, or her new foster sisters. I gave her to God. And he will not leave her as an orphan. He will come for her and bring her new life.

May the Lord bless her and keep her. Make the Lord make his face shine upon her and be gracious unto her. May the Lord lift up His countenance upon her and give her peace. Amen.

Leah: Part I

I've posted a little about Leah before, but I haven't formally introduced her to you yet. Meet Leah - my crazy, spunky, high-energy, Hindi-speaking 10 year old.

All of my girls have a unique and heartbreaking story of abandonment, and I'm sure there is more to each of my girls' stories that I'll never hear. My other six have been at SCH for a few years, but Leah has a different story. She was found at a train station a little over two months ago. The police brought her to the nearest orphanage where she was labeled as "mentally unsound" within a week. I was reading her file, I discovered that the only reason she was labeled as such was because she couldn't tell the anyone her name or age. Leah only speaks Hindi so at the time, she might not have understood the question she was being asked. Or she could have been absolutely terrified to tell these strangers anything about herself. Whatever the reason may be, this resulted in Leah being transferred to SCH.

I am so thankful she is here instead of at some other orphanage. I am so thankful she is in my home instead of a home without a foster mom. Leah desperately needs someone who will love her unconditionally, invest in her, and advocate for her. And I am so thankful that God placed me here to be that person.

Leah has more energy than any kid I have ever met. Asking her to sit still is almost a worthless cause.   When she becomes happy or excited, she always defies gravity and somehow manages to jump up and down with her body twisted into some upside down position. Notice how in this picture all the other kids are sitting and laughing while Leah's doing a head stand! Other times she will lay her hands and feet flat on the floor and hop around like a frog. 

Leah usually plays well with her sisters and other friends here at SCH. She isn't enrolled in school right now, but she goes to an on sight Special Education program held here. In the mornings she has classes taught by the Rippees, a family of missionaries living and fostering at SCH. They have a few blogs about Leah which you can read here. In the afternoons she is taught by an Indian special education teacher. She can sign most of her English ABCs and is learning a lot about how to behave in a classroom setting. 

Leah is extremely smart and aware of her surroundings. She came to SCH understanding little to no Telugu or English. She is now understanding most of what we speak to her in both languages! She hasn't learned to speak much yet, but that may be partially due to a speech problem. I highly suspect that Leah has a speech impediment, but it is so hard to know for sure since close to no one in Ongole speaks her language. She has learned to say one English word though! A few days ago she began calling me "Mummy!" 

Leah and I went to the beach with the Rippees and a couple of their girls last week. It was such a wonderful day as I got to know my girl better and spend a whole day just with her. We had a blast running head first into the waves of the Bay of Bengal and getting knocked over by the tides. Leah laughed joyfully as waves knocked us over and left us lying in the sand. She wrapped her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist trusting that I wasn't going to let her go. That day I got to see the girl who lives deep inside Leah's heart, a joyful, silly ten year old who strives to be accepted and live adventurously. 

Leah is like a fully loaded cannon ready to explode. Sometimes she explodes with joy and laughter; other times she explodes with anger and violence. My heart aches for her as I watch this inner struggle that goes on in her head. When I first arrived in India, Leah definitely had some behavior problems and she would sometimes hit her sisters, but it was usually fun and games to her. She never seemed to hit when she was angry or upset. As time went on her behaviors began to escalate. 

At first things weren't too bad. Leah would become angry if I left the apartment with another girl for some one on one time. Leah demonstrates several attention seeking behaviors so this wasn't too far out of the ordinary. A few days later she started losing her temper whenever things didn't go her way. She started throwing fits where she sprawls out on the floor thrashing around and screams mostly unintelligible sounds that are obviously filled with anger. I've had a really tough time finding ways to calm her down in these situations without sticking her in time out. 

Over the past week and a half things got worse. Leah's behaviors escalated to new heights that were far out of my control. Leah started becoming violent when something went wrong. Then she started becoming violent without any trigger that I could see. She had a really bad night a few days ago that left me aching for her and worrying for my other girls. I knew having her around was becoming unhealthy and dangerous for them. After all my girls were asleep, I sat on the floor beside Leah's bed crying and begging the Lord for guidance. I had absolutely no idea what to do for this girl. She carries so much anger, pain, and fear that is far deeper than anything I could probably ever imagine. I wept for her as I imagined what could be going on in her head. I wondered if she regretted her actions and how that would affect her in the future. I wondered if she would even remember this night in the morning. I wondered if she wanted to do these things or if she just lost control. 

As I sat by her bed and watched her sleep I saw an innocent little girl that deserves a much better life than the one she's been living. I saw a girl who desperately needs freedom and life in Jesus. I prayed with a few other volunteers that night for Leah. We each lifted her up to the Lord asking for healing and wisdom to be bestowed on this entire situation. We prayed for God to give me wisdom on how to best be her mom and advocate. We prayed that her behaviors would not negatively impact any of my other girls. We prayed and prayed for Leah, asking that the Lord would bring her a life free of anger and full of joy. 

After a lot of prayer and talking with some others here at SCH, I decided Leah needed help sooner rather than later. Leah and I are leaving for Hyderabad tomorrow night. We will spend several days at the SCH home there attending doctors appointments every day. I have appointments scheduled for her with a behavior specialist beginning on Wednesday afternoon. We are also going to see a psychiatrist and a speech therapist. I am hoping that this trip will bring us some insight and answers to Leah's behaviors. I am hoping that she is receptive to all of our doctor's visits and that this is the beginning of a new path of healing for her. 

I titled this post Leah: Part I because I believe her journey isn't over. She is so much more than the lost, confused, and frustrated kid we've seen thus far. I am confident that there is a life filled with redemption, joy, and abundance awaiting her. This isn't over yet. I will stand by her through it all advocating for her, loving her, and investing in her life. God has something amazing waiting for Leah. He will bring her freedom to run head first into the waves of His grace. 

Seven Reasons Why You Shouldn't Use the Word "Retarded"

I have been an advocate for the Spread the Word to End the Word Campaign for years. In high school I led a rally with the help of my friend Jonathan encouraging students to end the use of the words "retard" and "retarded." In high school I had seventeen reasons why you shouldn't say the r-word. Those seventeen reasons were seventeen of my closest friends, all of whom are living with disabilities. Now I have seven more.

I am currently living in India at Sarah's Covenant Homes, an orphanage for children with physical and developmental disabilities. I am a foster mom to seven of the most amazing girls who have ever walked this earth. All of girls are orphans who have been abandoned due to their disabilities. In Hinduism, which is the religion most Indians living in our area practice, it is believed that if someone is born with a disability they are being punished for something in a former life. A lot of Indian culture is shaped by Hindu beliefs including this one. People with disabilities are automatically put into the lowest caste and they are referred to as "untouchables."

My girls have all faced a lot of hardships in their lives, but I believe that has only made them stronger. There is absolutely nothing about them that is "retarded" or "untouchable." They are amazing.

Reason #1: Stephanie

Stephanie is my thirteen year old. She is blind and has some developmental delays due to not being in school or cared for during the early years of her life. She has been completely dependent on others nearly her entire life. Due to her past, Stephanie fears almost everything and she is really cautious to talk to people she doesn't trust. People have written her off as unable to do anything for herself. But that is not the case. Stephanie amazes me each and every day. Last week I introduced her to her new guide cane. No one had ever taught her the concept of a guide cane before, so naturally I was expecting the learning process to take awhile. But it didn't. Stephanie learned to use her cane independently in under two hours. Since that day, she uses her guide cane nearly everywhere she goes. She is learning to navigate new terrains, and she is beginning to stand up for herself and tell her foster sisters no when they try to lead her out of habit. Stephanie is trying new things every day and I am so proud of her. She is one of the most joyful girls I have ever met. This girl has a smile that could light up the world. You can read more about Stephanie and her accomplishments here.

Reason # 2: Leah

Leah was found at a train station two months ago. She was brought to a nearby orphanage by the police and dropped off. Within a week this orphanage deemed her "mentally unsound" because she could not state her name or where she had come from. She was transferred to SCH and placed in my home. Leah only speaks Hindi and the language spoken in this part of India is Telugu. My guess is she either didn't understand the first orphanage's questions because they were spoken in a different language, or she was too scared to tell these random strangers information about herself. I think Leah also has a speech problem and I am taking her to a Hindi speaking speech therapist soon to confirm. She has several behavioral issues as well, but that doesn't make her any different than anyone else. Yesterday I went to the beach with Leah and she laughed, played, and splashed just as any other kid would. She is a fun loving ten year old who loves to laugh and play. Leah's favorite thing to do is use the Talking Tom app on my iPad. She talks to it in Hindi and giggles every time it speaks back to her in her language. Leah is spunky and a completely independent person. She loves helping me pick out the little ones' outfits and get them dressed. She is altogether a happy kid despite her recent trauma of abandonment.

Reason # 3: Chelsea 

Chelsea is my youngest at three years old. She was born with a cleft lip and palate, but has had them repaired since coming to SCH. She is a silly and spunky girl who recently started school for the very first time! Chelsea has a prominent scar on her stomach from the g-tube she used prior to her surgery. Her scar and surgically repaired lip still outwardly mark her as "different" to many who meet her. But she isn't different. Every day upon arriving home from school, Chelsea runs up the stairs to our apartment screaming "HIIIIIII!" and giggles as I engulf her in a bear hug. She loves sneaking into our bathroom and playing in the water when I'm not looking, and she hates bed time. Her favorite thing to play with is the girls' tent tunnel, and she loves when I sing to her. Chelsea is your average three year old girl and a whole bundle of cuteness. 

Reason # 4: Naomi

Naomi is around eight years old and has Down syndrome. She was found three years ago and brought to SCH. We don't know much about her past, but it is likely that she spent the first five to six years of her life on the streets being kept alive by beggars who used her for pity, or kept hidden in her house by her family who saw her as a disgrace. Whatever her past may be, it left scars. Naomi cowers in fear if she thinks she has done something wrong. My heart breaks each time as I hold her close and tell her I love her and that I am never going to hurt her. Naomi doesn't speak very much; she can only say a few words in Telugu and one or two in English. She loves looking at pictures of herself and screaming her name, making sure everyone in the room knows that she is beautiful. Naomi is a problem solver. She loves doing puzzles and has even figured out how to use the touch screen to solve some puzzles on my iPad! Her favorite things to do are color pictures and make crafts, which she is insanely good at! Naomi has been through more than I can imagine in her short life, but she is a smart girl who is working hard to be like everyone else.

Reason #5: Paula

Paula is twelve years old and has cerebral palsy. She received her very first wheelchair in February and she is still learning how to use it. She spent the first eleven and a half years of her life crawling everywhere she went. She had to depend on others to carry her long distances and due to her mobility issues, she rarely got to leave the orphanage to go on outings with the other girls. Yet Paula is filled with so much joy. She always has a smile on her face and will make you laugh at the first thing she says. Paula is so determined to learn how to use her wheelchair and become more independent. I love pushing her through our "neighborhood" and letting her interact with other kids besides the ones living at SCH. She's your average preteen who secretly loves her mother's kisses, but will pretend to be disgusted and embarrassed when she receives them.

Reason # 6: Angel

Angel is four years old. She originally came to SCH with an undiagnosed "spinal problem" because she couldn't walk and wouldn't put weight on one of her legs. It was later found that she had osseous tuberculosis. She finished her nine month treatment last fall and has been rambunctious and stubborn ever since. She is incredibly silly and loves to be the ring leader of mischief around our home. Angel loves run up and down our balcony every evening after dinner. She giggles at herself every time she purposefully calls me the wrong name and laughs even harder when she sees my reaction. 

Reason # 7: Heidi

Heidi is four years old and has Down syndrome. She is a giggly girl who loves to play with me. Her favorite toy is her baby doll. Every day she combs it's hair and tries to braid it just like hers. She loves the baby swing in our apartment; she will laugh and laugh as I push her back and forth. Then when it is time to get out she waves her hands frantically to tell me "no no no!" and shoots me a sassy look as her feet touch the floor. She has more attitude and personality than any four year old I've ever known. She likes to boss her sisters around by wagging her little finger at anything they do wrong. Heidi hates getting dirty. Indians eat with their hands and don't use utensils, but Heidi hates it. Sometimes she'll refuse to eat unless I get her a spoon so her hands stay clean. She is cuddly and loves to be held and loved on. Heidi is learning to talk and is already saying a few words clearly!

Not a single one of my girls is a "retard." In fact, they are quite the opposite. My seven girls are AMAZING. They have been through more in their short lives than most of us will ever have to endure. They live in a culture that rejects them, and they live as orphans. They have me as their foster mom right now, but they won't have me forever. My seven girls are not "untouchables" and they are not any different than you and I. 

I love my girls more than I have ever loved anyone, and I thank God for them every day. Next time you start to use the word "retarded" to mean dumb, slow, stupid, inferior or whatever else, I hope you think of my girls. That word insults me and them on a deep level. My girls have overcome more in their lives than you or I probably ever will and they deserve words of praise and respect. 

Stop using the words "retard(ed)" today and instead think about my girls and words that better describe them.

My girls are amazing, brave, outstanding, loving, giggly, silly, fun, lovely, unbelievable, beautiful, artistic, determined, joyful, expressive, mischievous, enthusiastic, kindhearted, clever, helpful, gifted, tender, delightful, eager, hilarious, proud, jolly, lively, able, cheerful, entertaining, adventurous, cuddly, important, inquisitive,  helpful, noisy, rambunctious, talented, smiley, sneaky, worthwhile, and lovable. But they are most certainly not retarded. 

Learning to Love

I've been thinking about what to write in my next blog post for several days now. So much has been happening here, and there have been endless amounts of things on my mind! I guess I'll just start by giving you all a run down of what's been going on.

We've had trouble with Paula's school. Paula has cerebral palsy, and she cannot walk. She can get around by crawling fairly well, but she still moves much slower than other children. Paula has a wheelchair which she uses at home, but her school has never allowed her to bring it. I planned on going to school with her this past Monday to advocate for her and try to convince her principal that she needed her wheelchair. Paula's incredibly motivated to learn, and she has so much potential. But if she is using all her concentration and might just to sit up, then there is no way she will be able to focus on her school work.

Last week Paula's school told us that unless Paula could get on and off the bus at a normal speed like other children, she could no longer attend. This made me angry as I thought how much her life would be different if she were in America. There would be a bus with a wheelchair lift that comes to her home every day. She wouldn't have to worry about people discriminating against her because of her disability. She could get the specialized education she needs and really thrive. But we're not in America; we are in India.

So I began to plan what I was going to say to her teachers. An SCH staff member was going to go with me so that I could advocate for her without worrying about language barriers. I was determined to fight for my girl and have her in school with her wheelchair.

That never happened.

Monday morning we got a call saying Paula was no longer welcomed at school. The reason they gave was dumb and had absolutely nothing to do with her mobility challenges. Paula had been sick the week before and came home early one day. The school said she is no longer welcome because she had been sick at school. They didn't want her "infecting other children". I was furious as Paula only had a stomach bug. She was kicked out over something that happens to every kid at some point in their life. Personally, I think they were just looking for a  reason to kick her out because she is different.

We began brainstorming what to do next in regards to Paula's education. I sat down with her on Monday and began working with her on basic academic skills such as colors, numbers, shapes, and letters. I found that Paula doesn't actually know most of what I quizzed her on. She can recite the alphabet and count, but if I put an A in front of her and asked her what letter it was, she had no idea.  Unfortunately, most of what Paula had been learning was memorization. She has little knowledge to the concepts behind them.

So we decided to homeschool her. Paula now has a private tutor whom she goes to each day. She also spends time with me every day learning the alphabet, learning English, and working on speech.

I've really been struggling with how to effectively discipline my girls while at the same time making sure they know how much I love them. I've had the hardest time with Leah.

There isn't much we know about Leah's past but this. Leah was found wandering around a railway station a little over two months ago. She was brought to a government run orphanage and within a week transferred to SCH. We don't know if she was abandoned that recently, if she had been on her own for awhile, or if someone else had been trying to take care of her. 

Leah came to SCH speaking and understanding only Hindi (the language spoken here is Telugu). Her speech is often times intelligible, but she is so smart. She already understands most Telugu and she is understanding a lot of what I say to her in English. I don't think Leah has an intellectual disability. She is probably behind academically due to lack of education and she definitely has a speech problem, but she is a really smart kid. But she has some major behavior issues. 

Most of her behavior problems I'm sure stem from whatever her past may be. She hits the other girls really hard whenever she's mad or doesn't get her way. Every time I tell her in a stern voice "No beating Leah!" I often times grab her hands and put them by her sides, trying to demonstrate that we keep our hands to ourselves. Every time this happens she looks up at me and I can see the confusion in her eyes. She doesn't understand why she is suddenly getting in trouble for hitting. This is probably something she has done her entire life. If she did something wrong, she was hit. If another child did something wrong, she hit them. That has probably been the norm for her for a long time. 

So I struggle with how to effectively discipline her. She needs to know this behavior and several others are not ok. But the fact that it is not ok is such a foreign concept to her. Sometimes I will tell another one of my girls to do something (or not to do something) and if they don't listen, Leah will run up and hit them. She looks at me with a smile on her face, pointing to the other child. It breaks my heart. She thinks she is helping me. She is trying so hard to do the right thing, but she has such a skewed concept of what that is. 

My heart aches as I try to find the best way to discipline her. She needs to know these behaviors are not ok. But she isn't doing them for the same reasons most kids are. She thinks she is doing the right thing when in fact, she's doing the opposite. I don't want her to think she is being punished for trying to help me. I want her to know she is being punished for hitting. But those things are one in the same in her mind. 

I also don't want to punish her (or any of my girls) in a way that might make them relive some of the trauma they have in their past. That's so hard because I don't know what that is. If I raise my voice does that inflict emotional pain as they remember someone who yelled at them and beat them? The other day Leah was supposed to be in time out and I could not get her to sit down. I had tried to physically box her in so she couldn't get up and it just wasn't working. I ended up sending her to her room for a few minutes. Yesterday I found out that's a terrible thing to do for a child who has been abandoned. It promotes ideas of separation and abandonment in their minds. My heart ached as I began to regret that I had unknowingly caused her more harm than good in that moment. 

Later on I cried and begged God to give me wisdom. I don't know how to effectively discipline Leah. I have no clue how to teach her what is right and wrong without unintentionally bringing up things from her past. I want to be a source of light in her life. I want her to look at me and feel Christ's love for her. I pray every day that I am a beacon for his light on my girls.

So much more has been happening here and I am excited to share all of it with you! However this post has already turned into quite the novel. I have several more things to say, but I'll save them for another post in a couple days. :)

Finding Home

I'm here! I am finally at my Indian home. But it doesn't feel like home to me. I feel like a stranger to this whole thing. Being a mom, the culture, the heat with no a/c, the food, the people, everything. I want to be completely honest in this blog, so you all can be praying for me and my girls. I want you to know exactly how I am feeling.

And it is hard. I knew it was going to be hard, but I don't think anything could have fully prepared me for this. I was sick my whole first day in Ongole. I tried to spend time with my girls in spurts here and there but my body just couldn't handle it. It is HOT here. Today the temperature was 108 without adding the humidity. (Ongole is only a few miles from the beach, so it is really humid.) Indian food is really spicy and far different than what I am used to. My girls don't speak very much English, so communication is hard. I think most of them understand quite a bit, but they can't speak it back. My ayah who lives with us speaks zero English and yells Telugu at me a lot to which I am probably returning a blank stare.

Honestly, I have probably spent more of my alone time crying than anything else. But as I prayed today, God really spoke to me.

He never said this was going to be easy. Following Jesus isn't easy. Jesus didn't call me to live an easy life in America. He called me to hard things. He called me to India. He called me to work with special needs orphans. He called me to this life. He called me to this very moment. He called me to seek His face in India.

And so, here I am. Trying to find home. For every second I miss my home in America, I pray and ask God to reveal home for me here. For every second I wish I was living my usual easy life, God reminds me that He doesn't call us to easy things. Furthering the Kingdom isn't easy. Truly following Jesus isn't easy. For every tear I shed, God brings me immeasurably more joy.

I love my girls. I love them more than I have ever loved anything else on this earth. And I don't want to be anywhere else. Finding home in India is hard, and sometimes I feel like my heart is in two places. But God has me here and my heart longs to be one with His.

He loves my girls unconditionally and relentlessly and He needs someone here on earth to show them that. So Here I am. Lord send me.

I'll be posting more and more about my girls over the next few weeks, but here is an introduction! :)

Chelsea is my youngest and she's a cutie pie. I couldn't get her to smile in this picture, but her smile is radiant. Chelsea loves to run outside our apartment door and hide around the corner until I find her. Then she's all giggles as I shower her with love and kisses.

Angel wasn't too sure how she felt about me our first day, but I think she's decided she likes me now. :) She's a little stinker sometimes and likes to get into trouble. Then when she's in time out, she tries to win you over with that dazzling smile of hers. She really is a good leader to the other little ones though. Even when she is getting in to trouble, she makes sure none of her sisters miss out on the fun.

Heidi won't smile for pictures, but she is all smiles for me. Today she followed me around every second always giggling when I would bend down to talk to her. Heidi is quite the little trickster as well!

Paula is my 110% total preteen. Sometimes she doesn't want anything to do with the rest of us, but most of the time she is the best big sister there ever was! Paula can't walk, but that doesn't stop her from helping all her other sisters with their mobility challenges. She is constantly by Stephanie's side helping her with things she cannot see. 

Leah is for sure my firecracker. She is wild and feisty and marches to the beat of her own drum. She only speaks Hindi while the rest of my girls speak Telugu, so communication is sometimes a challenge. She is very bright though and has already learned many nonverbal cues to communicate. We're working on English skills as well. :)

Stephanie reminds me a lot of the verse from 1 Peter 3:4 that says "it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight." Steph definitely has a gentle and quiet spirit. Some of that is due to lack of self confidence and fear because of her past. But I also think some of it is just who she is. Steph always sits alone off to the side away from her sisters. But when I come to her she reaches for my hand and says "Sing a song sister". Her voice is so quiet that you sometimes have to strain to hear her, but when you listen to her sing it is beautiful.

Naomi is silly and mischievous. She has a really special bond with both Heidi and Leah and plays well with them both. She is really curious and will get into absolutely anything and everything. She is really lovable and loves hugs and kisses!

This is my family. We are each very different and come from our own unique places, but we are a family. As hard as life is in India, I thank God every second that he brought me here.

Changes

I am leaving for India two weeks from today. My flight ended up being booked for a few days later than I had originally intended, so I will be leaving on the 17th!

As I prepare to hop on the plane, so many things have been racing through my mind. Am I really ready to become a foster mom to seven girls with disabilities? Am I really ready to leave my home and everyone I know? As soon as I start to worry God gives me peace.

Yes, I am ready. The Lord has been preparing me for this all my life. I've loved people with disabilities since I was in kindergarten. God sent me to HVA for high school where there was a phenomenal Special Ed program. I learned so much from Mr. Lee and his staff. I worked at Camp Wesley Woods for three summers where I got to live with kids 24/7 and show them the love of God. I had a wonderful daycare job at Starting Points Childcare where I became a pro potty trainer. God has been preparing me in countless ways for years.

A lot of things regarding my time in India have changed over the past couple weeks. I am now going to be fostering 7 instead of 6! Leah just came to SCH and was added to our foster family a couple weeks ago. From what I know about her, she sounds a whole lot like my friend Margarita which makes me really excited!

Marla (my girls' current foster mom) got really sick and is having to leave early. Join me in praying for her health and her emotional/spiritual well being. This means when I get to India, I'll hit the ground running and dive straight into fostering on my own. 

I recently found out that we are getting another foster mom at SCH who will be partnering with me and living beside me. I could not be more excited! Abby will be arriving at the beginning of August and she will be fostering the other young school girls. Abby and I have been talking quite a bit and I am so thankful I will have someone to walk through life with in India. 

I've been praying for a long time that God would send a foster mom for these girls and that God would give me a best friend to do life with. I desperately wanted someone to talk to, do Bible studies with, and basically be my best friend in India. 

Abby and I have already decided we are going to be best buds which makes me really excited! I am about to leave for Nashville where I'll visiting a couple high school and college friends and also meet Abby in person! Tomorrow (Wednesday) Abby will arrive in Nashville on the megabus and we will have a "12 hour date" during which we will get to know each other, talk about SCH and our kids, pray together and just start to build a strong relationship before we're together in India. 

I am going to post a couple more blogs before I leave, then I'll finally be in India! And you can start following this great adventure God is leading Heidi, Angel, Chelsea, Leah, Paula, Naomi, Stephanie, and myself on. :)