Finding Home

I'm here! I am finally at my Indian home. But it doesn't feel like home to me. I feel like a stranger to this whole thing. Being a mom, the culture, the heat with no a/c, the food, the people, everything. I want to be completely honest in this blog, so you all can be praying for me and my girls. I want you to know exactly how I am feeling.

And it is hard. I knew it was going to be hard, but I don't think anything could have fully prepared me for this. I was sick my whole first day in Ongole. I tried to spend time with my girls in spurts here and there but my body just couldn't handle it. It is HOT here. Today the temperature was 108 without adding the humidity. (Ongole is only a few miles from the beach, so it is really humid.) Indian food is really spicy and far different than what I am used to. My girls don't speak very much English, so communication is hard. I think most of them understand quite a bit, but they can't speak it back. My ayah who lives with us speaks zero English and yells Telugu at me a lot to which I am probably returning a blank stare.

Honestly, I have probably spent more of my alone time crying than anything else. But as I prayed today, God really spoke to me.

He never said this was going to be easy. Following Jesus isn't easy. Jesus didn't call me to live an easy life in America. He called me to hard things. He called me to India. He called me to work with special needs orphans. He called me to this life. He called me to this very moment. He called me to seek His face in India.

And so, here I am. Trying to find home. For every second I miss my home in America, I pray and ask God to reveal home for me here. For every second I wish I was living my usual easy life, God reminds me that He doesn't call us to easy things. Furthering the Kingdom isn't easy. Truly following Jesus isn't easy. For every tear I shed, God brings me immeasurably more joy.

I love my girls. I love them more than I have ever loved anything else on this earth. And I don't want to be anywhere else. Finding home in India is hard, and sometimes I feel like my heart is in two places. But God has me here and my heart longs to be one with His.

He loves my girls unconditionally and relentlessly and He needs someone here on earth to show them that. So Here I am. Lord send me.

I'll be posting more and more about my girls over the next few weeks, but here is an introduction! :)

Chelsea is my youngest and she's a cutie pie. I couldn't get her to smile in this picture, but her smile is radiant. Chelsea loves to run outside our apartment door and hide around the corner until I find her. Then she's all giggles as I shower her with love and kisses.

Angel wasn't too sure how she felt about me our first day, but I think she's decided she likes me now. :) She's a little stinker sometimes and likes to get into trouble. Then when she's in time out, she tries to win you over with that dazzling smile of hers. She really is a good leader to the other little ones though. Even when she is getting in to trouble, she makes sure none of her sisters miss out on the fun.

Heidi won't smile for pictures, but she is all smiles for me. Today she followed me around every second always giggling when I would bend down to talk to her. Heidi is quite the little trickster as well!

Paula is my 110% total preteen. Sometimes she doesn't want anything to do with the rest of us, but most of the time she is the best big sister there ever was! Paula can't walk, but that doesn't stop her from helping all her other sisters with their mobility challenges. She is constantly by Stephanie's side helping her with things she cannot see. 

Leah is for sure my firecracker. She is wild and feisty and marches to the beat of her own drum. She only speaks Hindi while the rest of my girls speak Telugu, so communication is sometimes a challenge. She is very bright though and has already learned many nonverbal cues to communicate. We're working on English skills as well. :)

Stephanie reminds me a lot of the verse from 1 Peter 3:4 that says "it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight." Steph definitely has a gentle and quiet spirit. Some of that is due to lack of self confidence and fear because of her past. But I also think some of it is just who she is. Steph always sits alone off to the side away from her sisters. But when I come to her she reaches for my hand and says "Sing a song sister". Her voice is so quiet that you sometimes have to strain to hear her, but when you listen to her sing it is beautiful.

Naomi is silly and mischievous. She has a really special bond with both Heidi and Leah and plays well with them both. She is really curious and will get into absolutely anything and everything. She is really lovable and loves hugs and kisses!

This is my family. We are each very different and come from our own unique places, but we are a family. As hard as life is in India, I thank God every second that he brought me here.