I haven't been able to bring myself to write about this until now. My heart aches for Leah and yearns for Christ to redeem her soul. On Saturday Leah moved to a different foster home.
After spending nine days in Hyderabad, we arrived back in Ongole on Friday morning. Leah and I were thrilled to see the rest of the girls and finally be back home. She did really well in Hyderabad as a whole. She had her temper tantrums and fits of rage; she hated the hospitals and put up a fight every visit, but she was playing well with the other children. She listened and obeyed on the first request way more often than she had been at home. Her bed wetting decreased tremendously, and she was an all around joyful kid. Then we arrived back home.
Her first night back in our apartment was a really bad one. All of her behaviors that were putting the other girls in danger came back. I didn't know what to do. After talking with our director Sarah and the Rippees, we decided to move Leah to an apartment in Grace Home that Randy and Rita foster. The girls in her new apartment are closer to her age and can defend themselves in a bad situation whereas my girls could not. Leah goes to an on sight Special Education school in their apartment, so she already is familiar with her new foster sisters.
On Saturday morning I went over to see Leah at Grace and tell her what was happening. I told her in English and had someone translate and tell her in Hindi as well. I wanted to be sure she understood what was happening fully. I told Leah that she was going to live here at Grace now. I told her I loved her and that I would still come see her. As I hugged her, she buried her head into my chest screaming and crying. I cannot even begin to describe the pain and longing in her cry. Leah understood what was happening and this was her way of begging me to stay. Tears ran down my face as I repeated "I love you. I love you. I love you so much Leah."
When it came time for me to leave, Leah chased after me screaming. Her voice was so full of pain and longing. I kissed her on the cheek, told her I loved her, and walked out the door as the nurses restrained her to keep her from hurting herself or anyone else.
I walked outside Grace Home, sat down on the side of the road and cried. Rita came over and talked to me for awhile about how I was feeling and how Leah was doing. I cried as I confessed that I felt like I was abandoning her. No child should have to go through this less than four months after they were found at a train station.
I want Leah to know how much I love her. I want her to understand that she means more to me than she can fathom. I want her to know that the last thing I want is for her to feel abandoned. I want her to know how much prayer went into this decision, and that it was still the hardest decision I have ever made. I want her to know that this is what we believe is best for her and our other children. I pray every day that she likes her new home, adjusts well, and knows that I love her.
We had to make an extremely hard decision that was in the best interest of both her and my other six girls. While I believe this was the right decision, it still isn't an easy one.
May the Lord bless her and keep her. Make the Lord make his face shine upon her and be gracious unto her. May the Lord lift up His countenance upon her and give her peace. Amen.
After spending nine days in Hyderabad, we arrived back in Ongole on Friday morning. Leah and I were thrilled to see the rest of the girls and finally be back home. She did really well in Hyderabad as a whole. She had her temper tantrums and fits of rage; she hated the hospitals and put up a fight every visit, but she was playing well with the other children. She listened and obeyed on the first request way more often than she had been at home. Her bed wetting decreased tremendously, and she was an all around joyful kid. Then we arrived back home.
Her first night back in our apartment was a really bad one. All of her behaviors that were putting the other girls in danger came back. I didn't know what to do. After talking with our director Sarah and the Rippees, we decided to move Leah to an apartment in Grace Home that Randy and Rita foster. The girls in her new apartment are closer to her age and can defend themselves in a bad situation whereas my girls could not. Leah goes to an on sight Special Education school in their apartment, so she already is familiar with her new foster sisters.
On Saturday morning I went over to see Leah at Grace and tell her what was happening. I told her in English and had someone translate and tell her in Hindi as well. I wanted to be sure she understood what was happening fully. I told Leah that she was going to live here at Grace now. I told her I loved her and that I would still come see her. As I hugged her, she buried her head into my chest screaming and crying. I cannot even begin to describe the pain and longing in her cry. Leah understood what was happening and this was her way of begging me to stay. Tears ran down my face as I repeated "I love you. I love you. I love you so much Leah."
When it came time for me to leave, Leah chased after me screaming. Her voice was so full of pain and longing. I kissed her on the cheek, told her I loved her, and walked out the door as the nurses restrained her to keep her from hurting herself or anyone else.
I walked outside Grace Home, sat down on the side of the road and cried. Rita came over and talked to me for awhile about how I was feeling and how Leah was doing. I cried as I confessed that I felt like I was abandoning her. No child should have to go through this less than four months after they were found at a train station.
I want Leah to know how much I love her. I want her to understand that she means more to me than she can fathom. I want her to know that the last thing I want is for her to feel abandoned. I want her to know how much prayer went into this decision, and that it was still the hardest decision I have ever made. I want her to know that this is what we believe is best for her and our other children. I pray every day that she likes her new home, adjusts well, and knows that I love her.
We had to make an extremely hard decision that was in the best interest of both her and my other six girls. While I believe this was the right decision, it still isn't an easy one.
I will love you forever Leah. While I may no longer be your foster mom, you will never stop being one of my foster daughters. I promise to pray for you every single day. I pray that your paperwork is quickly processed and you become eligible for adoption. I pray that your forever family is out there ready to welcome you in with loving arms. I pray that you find joy and peace in your new home. I pray that the Lord teaches you to control your anger and live a life filled with His grace.
Jesus promised in John 14:18 that he would not leave us as orphans, but that He would come for us. Moving Leah is the hardest thing I have ever done, but I find peace in knowing that her life is in God's hands. I didn't give her to the Rippees, Sarah, or her new foster sisters. I gave her to God. And he will not leave her as an orphan. He will come for her and bring her new life.
May the Lord bless her and keep her. Make the Lord make his face shine upon her and be gracious unto her. May the Lord lift up His countenance upon her and give her peace. Amen.
Oh Carrie! I'm so sorry you had to make this difficult decision. My prayers are with you all. Sylvia
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