Seven Reasons Why You Shouldn't Use the Word "Retarded"

I have been an advocate for the Spread the Word to End the Word Campaign for years. In high school I led a rally with the help of my friend Jonathan encouraging students to end the use of the words "retard" and "retarded." In high school I had seventeen reasons why you shouldn't say the r-word. Those seventeen reasons were seventeen of my closest friends, all of whom are living with disabilities. Now I have seven more.

I am currently living in India at Sarah's Covenant Homes, an orphanage for children with physical and developmental disabilities. I am a foster mom to seven of the most amazing girls who have ever walked this earth. All of girls are orphans who have been abandoned due to their disabilities. In Hinduism, which is the religion most Indians living in our area practice, it is believed that if someone is born with a disability they are being punished for something in a former life. A lot of Indian culture is shaped by Hindu beliefs including this one. People with disabilities are automatically put into the lowest caste and they are referred to as "untouchables."

My girls have all faced a lot of hardships in their lives, but I believe that has only made them stronger. There is absolutely nothing about them that is "retarded" or "untouchable." They are amazing.

Reason #1: Stephanie

Stephanie is my thirteen year old. She is blind and has some developmental delays due to not being in school or cared for during the early years of her life. She has been completely dependent on others nearly her entire life. Due to her past, Stephanie fears almost everything and she is really cautious to talk to people she doesn't trust. People have written her off as unable to do anything for herself. But that is not the case. Stephanie amazes me each and every day. Last week I introduced her to her new guide cane. No one had ever taught her the concept of a guide cane before, so naturally I was expecting the learning process to take awhile. But it didn't. Stephanie learned to use her cane independently in under two hours. Since that day, she uses her guide cane nearly everywhere she goes. She is learning to navigate new terrains, and she is beginning to stand up for herself and tell her foster sisters no when they try to lead her out of habit. Stephanie is trying new things every day and I am so proud of her. She is one of the most joyful girls I have ever met. This girl has a smile that could light up the world. You can read more about Stephanie and her accomplishments here.

Reason # 2: Leah

Leah was found at a train station two months ago. She was brought to a nearby orphanage by the police and dropped off. Within a week this orphanage deemed her "mentally unsound" because she could not state her name or where she had come from. She was transferred to SCH and placed in my home. Leah only speaks Hindi and the language spoken in this part of India is Telugu. My guess is she either didn't understand the first orphanage's questions because they were spoken in a different language, or she was too scared to tell these random strangers information about herself. I think Leah also has a speech problem and I am taking her to a Hindi speaking speech therapist soon to confirm. She has several behavioral issues as well, but that doesn't make her any different than anyone else. Yesterday I went to the beach with Leah and she laughed, played, and splashed just as any other kid would. She is a fun loving ten year old who loves to laugh and play. Leah's favorite thing to do is use the Talking Tom app on my iPad. She talks to it in Hindi and giggles every time it speaks back to her in her language. Leah is spunky and a completely independent person. She loves helping me pick out the little ones' outfits and get them dressed. She is altogether a happy kid despite her recent trauma of abandonment.

Reason # 3: Chelsea 

Chelsea is my youngest at three years old. She was born with a cleft lip and palate, but has had them repaired since coming to SCH. She is a silly and spunky girl who recently started school for the very first time! Chelsea has a prominent scar on her stomach from the g-tube she used prior to her surgery. Her scar and surgically repaired lip still outwardly mark her as "different" to many who meet her. But she isn't different. Every day upon arriving home from school, Chelsea runs up the stairs to our apartment screaming "HIIIIIII!" and giggles as I engulf her in a bear hug. She loves sneaking into our bathroom and playing in the water when I'm not looking, and she hates bed time. Her favorite thing to play with is the girls' tent tunnel, and she loves when I sing to her. Chelsea is your average three year old girl and a whole bundle of cuteness. 

Reason # 4: Naomi

Naomi is around eight years old and has Down syndrome. She was found three years ago and brought to SCH. We don't know much about her past, but it is likely that she spent the first five to six years of her life on the streets being kept alive by beggars who used her for pity, or kept hidden in her house by her family who saw her as a disgrace. Whatever her past may be, it left scars. Naomi cowers in fear if she thinks she has done something wrong. My heart breaks each time as I hold her close and tell her I love her and that I am never going to hurt her. Naomi doesn't speak very much; she can only say a few words in Telugu and one or two in English. She loves looking at pictures of herself and screaming her name, making sure everyone in the room knows that she is beautiful. Naomi is a problem solver. She loves doing puzzles and has even figured out how to use the touch screen to solve some puzzles on my iPad! Her favorite things to do are color pictures and make crafts, which she is insanely good at! Naomi has been through more than I can imagine in her short life, but she is a smart girl who is working hard to be like everyone else.

Reason #5: Paula

Paula is twelve years old and has cerebral palsy. She received her very first wheelchair in February and she is still learning how to use it. She spent the first eleven and a half years of her life crawling everywhere she went. She had to depend on others to carry her long distances and due to her mobility issues, she rarely got to leave the orphanage to go on outings with the other girls. Yet Paula is filled with so much joy. She always has a smile on her face and will make you laugh at the first thing she says. Paula is so determined to learn how to use her wheelchair and become more independent. I love pushing her through our "neighborhood" and letting her interact with other kids besides the ones living at SCH. She's your average preteen who secretly loves her mother's kisses, but will pretend to be disgusted and embarrassed when she receives them.

Reason # 6: Angel

Angel is four years old. She originally came to SCH with an undiagnosed "spinal problem" because she couldn't walk and wouldn't put weight on one of her legs. It was later found that she had osseous tuberculosis. She finished her nine month treatment last fall and has been rambunctious and stubborn ever since. She is incredibly silly and loves to be the ring leader of mischief around our home. Angel loves run up and down our balcony every evening after dinner. She giggles at herself every time she purposefully calls me the wrong name and laughs even harder when she sees my reaction. 

Reason # 7: Heidi

Heidi is four years old and has Down syndrome. She is a giggly girl who loves to play with me. Her favorite toy is her baby doll. Every day she combs it's hair and tries to braid it just like hers. She loves the baby swing in our apartment; she will laugh and laugh as I push her back and forth. Then when it is time to get out she waves her hands frantically to tell me "no no no!" and shoots me a sassy look as her feet touch the floor. She has more attitude and personality than any four year old I've ever known. She likes to boss her sisters around by wagging her little finger at anything they do wrong. Heidi hates getting dirty. Indians eat with their hands and don't use utensils, but Heidi hates it. Sometimes she'll refuse to eat unless I get her a spoon so her hands stay clean. She is cuddly and loves to be held and loved on. Heidi is learning to talk and is already saying a few words clearly!

Not a single one of my girls is a "retard." In fact, they are quite the opposite. My seven girls are AMAZING. They have been through more in their short lives than most of us will ever have to endure. They live in a culture that rejects them, and they live as orphans. They have me as their foster mom right now, but they won't have me forever. My seven girls are not "untouchables" and they are not any different than you and I. 

I love my girls more than I have ever loved anyone, and I thank God for them every day. Next time you start to use the word "retarded" to mean dumb, slow, stupid, inferior or whatever else, I hope you think of my girls. That word insults me and them on a deep level. My girls have overcome more in their lives than you or I probably ever will and they deserve words of praise and respect. 

Stop using the words "retard(ed)" today and instead think about my girls and words that better describe them.

My girls are amazing, brave, outstanding, loving, giggly, silly, fun, lovely, unbelievable, beautiful, artistic, determined, joyful, expressive, mischievous, enthusiastic, kindhearted, clever, helpful, gifted, tender, delightful, eager, hilarious, proud, jolly, lively, able, cheerful, entertaining, adventurous, cuddly, important, inquisitive,  helpful, noisy, rambunctious, talented, smiley, sneaky, worthwhile, and lovable. But they are most certainly not retarded.