To Be Loved Is To Be Known: Naomi

Life in India is good. Really, really crazy but good. I've been with my girls for over a week now. It has been one of the hardest weeks of my life, but also one of the greatest. Adjusting to the culture here is hard. I live in a small town (on India standards - it feels fairly large to me) in Southern India where the culture is very conservative and traditional. I've been learning a lot about how to live here and assimilate.

For instance, I already knew women had to wear pants every day, but I learned a few days ago that if your pants have drawstrings that are hanging down or visible, it is extremely immodest. Who knew? The past week has been filled with learning and adjusting to this radically different culture. And I am sure that will continue the entire time I am here. :)

I've been learning a lot about my girls this week as well. I've really just been trying to spend time with them and get to know their personalities, wants, needs, what upsets them, what makes them giggle, anything and everything. I've also just spent a great deal of time cuddling with them, giving them lots and lots of kisses, and just loving on them.

And so in this blog post I wanted to introduce you to my biggest cuddle bug and the girl who has really stolen my heart this past week, Naomi.

Out of the six I met last summer, I knew Naomi the least. I just had a really hard time connecting with her last summer. But oh how I love her. Naomi brings so much silliness and laughter into my life. Every day as she gets home from school, she is the first one up the stairs and in our apartment. As she walks in I great her with a "Heyyy Naomi! School good, ah?" To which she responds with the biggest grin and an Indian head bobble (meaning yes). Then she runs into my open arms and gives me the biggest hug! We sit there cuddling for a minute as her younger sisters make it up the stairs and inside. 

Naomi doesn't speak any English, but she has her own way of communicating. She has a different face that she makes for several emotions. My favorite is when she thinks something is weird or funny. She'll point with her whole hand to whatever she finds unusual and make these big wide puppy dog eyes with her lips pursed. Sometimes if she thinks something is really funny, she'll add a couple eyebrow raises in there. That one never fails to get me laughing. 

Naomi is alert and very aware of her surroundings. She makes sure I don't miss out on anything that is going on. She'll run up to me, tap me on the arm, and motion to whatever is going on. If she thinks something is particularly interesting, she will continue to grab my attention and make sure I am just as intrigued as she is. 

This girl has become my shadow and honestly, I love it. Anytime I stand up to walk from one room to the next, Naomi hops up and accompanies me. She hugs on my arm and just giggles as I do whatever needs to be done. 

Naomi loves the last hour before bedtime more than anything else. During that time the girls and I just sit around the living room or on the porch and cuddle. I usually turn on some music as we just relax and unwind. Naomi is always in my lap or leaning on my side. She always has this huge smile on her face. Sometimes she is quiet and sometimes she is babbling away. I don't understand what she is saying as it is all in Telugu and I think a lot of it is unintelligible Telugu anyway. But in a way, I do know. She is happy. Naomi has someone here who loves her unconditionally and she loves me back. She is excited she has a mama to cuddle with and to talk to. Naomi loves being loved. 

There is a poem some of my friends used to love and recite. The main line in the poem says this:

"For to be known is to be loved, and to be loved is to be known."

Naomi just needed to be known. The deepest, most inward parts of her desire to be known. For to be known is to be loved. And if she is loved, then she is known. 

I love Naomi more than I can say. She is my cuddle bug and my silly girl. She is known by me. She is loved by me. But only because the Father first loved me. She is known by our Father and He loves her. He loves her so, so very much.

I know the Lord has great plans for Naomi. I know He will be with her, loving her and knowing her no matter where she goes. She needs a family. There isn't one pursuing her right now and she desperately needs a forever family who will love her unconditionally. Pray for my sweet Naomi. If you have ever considered adopting, consider pursuing her. Pass her story onto friends and family. Make this girl known. Let the world know of her and love her. 

I pray that her forever family is out there and that they see this post. Naomi has so much love to give. All she wants is to be loved in return. 

If you want to join in on knowing her and loving her right now, you (or you and a group) can sponsor her. Our kids are sponsored at $200 a month to cover the cost of their food, clothing, rent, water, utilities, everything. Since Naomi goes to school, she also has a $50 a month school sponsorship which covers all of her school fees, books, supplies, transportation, and uniform. 

You can sponsor Naomi by clicking this link and following the steps outlined for you. You can choose to complete her sponsorship in full, in half ($100), or partially ($40). You and your family, Sunday school class, coworkers, friends, or whoever could go in together to get my girl sponsored. 

To be known is to be loved, and to be loved is to be known. I love you sweet Naomi.

Finding Home

I'm here! I am finally at my Indian home. But it doesn't feel like home to me. I feel like a stranger to this whole thing. Being a mom, the culture, the heat with no a/c, the food, the people, everything. I want to be completely honest in this blog, so you all can be praying for me and my girls. I want you to know exactly how I am feeling.

And it is hard. I knew it was going to be hard, but I don't think anything could have fully prepared me for this. I was sick my whole first day in Ongole. I tried to spend time with my girls in spurts here and there but my body just couldn't handle it. It is HOT here. Today the temperature was 108 without adding the humidity. (Ongole is only a few miles from the beach, so it is really humid.) Indian food is really spicy and far different than what I am used to. My girls don't speak very much English, so communication is hard. I think most of them understand quite a bit, but they can't speak it back. My ayah who lives with us speaks zero English and yells Telugu at me a lot to which I am probably returning a blank stare.

Honestly, I have probably spent more of my alone time crying than anything else. But as I prayed today, God really spoke to me.

He never said this was going to be easy. Following Jesus isn't easy. Jesus didn't call me to live an easy life in America. He called me to hard things. He called me to India. He called me to work with special needs orphans. He called me to this life. He called me to this very moment. He called me to seek His face in India.

And so, here I am. Trying to find home. For every second I miss my home in America, I pray and ask God to reveal home for me here. For every second I wish I was living my usual easy life, God reminds me that He doesn't call us to easy things. Furthering the Kingdom isn't easy. Truly following Jesus isn't easy. For every tear I shed, God brings me immeasurably more joy.

I love my girls. I love them more than I have ever loved anything else on this earth. And I don't want to be anywhere else. Finding home in India is hard, and sometimes I feel like my heart is in two places. But God has me here and my heart longs to be one with His.

He loves my girls unconditionally and relentlessly and He needs someone here on earth to show them that. So Here I am. Lord send me.

I'll be posting more and more about my girls over the next few weeks, but here is an introduction! :)

Chelsea is my youngest and she's a cutie pie. I couldn't get her to smile in this picture, but her smile is radiant. Chelsea loves to run outside our apartment door and hide around the corner until I find her. Then she's all giggles as I shower her with love and kisses.

Angel wasn't too sure how she felt about me our first day, but I think she's decided she likes me now. :) She's a little stinker sometimes and likes to get into trouble. Then when she's in time out, she tries to win you over with that dazzling smile of hers. She really is a good leader to the other little ones though. Even when she is getting in to trouble, she makes sure none of her sisters miss out on the fun.

Heidi won't smile for pictures, but she is all smiles for me. Today she followed me around every second always giggling when I would bend down to talk to her. Heidi is quite the little trickster as well!

Paula is my 110% total preteen. Sometimes she doesn't want anything to do with the rest of us, but most of the time she is the best big sister there ever was! Paula can't walk, but that doesn't stop her from helping all her other sisters with their mobility challenges. She is constantly by Stephanie's side helping her with things she cannot see. 

Leah is for sure my firecracker. She is wild and feisty and marches to the beat of her own drum. She only speaks Hindi while the rest of my girls speak Telugu, so communication is sometimes a challenge. She is very bright though and has already learned many nonverbal cues to communicate. We're working on English skills as well. :)

Stephanie reminds me a lot of the verse from 1 Peter 3:4 that says "it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight." Steph definitely has a gentle and quiet spirit. Some of that is due to lack of self confidence and fear because of her past. But I also think some of it is just who she is. Steph always sits alone off to the side away from her sisters. But when I come to her she reaches for my hand and says "Sing a song sister". Her voice is so quiet that you sometimes have to strain to hear her, but when you listen to her sing it is beautiful.

Naomi is silly and mischievous. She has a really special bond with both Heidi and Leah and plays well with them both. She is really curious and will get into absolutely anything and everything. She is really lovable and loves hugs and kisses!

This is my family. We are each very different and come from our own unique places, but we are a family. As hard as life is in India, I thank God every second that he brought me here.

On my way!

And I'm off! I am writing this as I sit in the Chicago airport awaiting my next flight to London. From there I will fly to Hyderabad, India. When I arrive it will be early Thursday morning India time. I'll spend some time in Hyderabad resting and playing with the SCH kids living there. A couple foster families along with all our babies live in Hyderabad. Then I will hop on an overnight bus to Ongole where I will finally be reunited with my girls! :)

While I am unbelievably excited and ready to be in India, saying goodbye was hard. I cried in the Knoxville airport as I said goodbye to my closest friends and family. But as the plane was taking off, God just filled my heart with this huge peace. India is where I am supposed to be right now. This is where God is calling me. I'll miss my friends and family so much it hurts, but the Lord is my great Comforter. He lives in me and will give me the strength, courage, peace, joy, patience, and whatever else I need each and every day.

So, goodbye America. Goodbye cheeseburgers, steak, and bacon. Goodbye all my wonderful, wonderful friends, family, and church family. I will miss you all greatly but God has amazing things planned.

It's going to be wild. It's going to be great. It's going to be full of Him.

"May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious unto you. May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace. Amen."

Changes

I am leaving for India two weeks from today. My flight ended up being booked for a few days later than I had originally intended, so I will be leaving on the 17th!

As I prepare to hop on the plane, so many things have been racing through my mind. Am I really ready to become a foster mom to seven girls with disabilities? Am I really ready to leave my home and everyone I know? As soon as I start to worry God gives me peace.

Yes, I am ready. The Lord has been preparing me for this all my life. I've loved people with disabilities since I was in kindergarten. God sent me to HVA for high school where there was a phenomenal Special Ed program. I learned so much from Mr. Lee and his staff. I worked at Camp Wesley Woods for three summers where I got to live with kids 24/7 and show them the love of God. I had a wonderful daycare job at Starting Points Childcare where I became a pro potty trainer. God has been preparing me in countless ways for years.

A lot of things regarding my time in India have changed over the past couple weeks. I am now going to be fostering 7 instead of 6! Leah just came to SCH and was added to our foster family a couple weeks ago. From what I know about her, she sounds a whole lot like my friend Margarita which makes me really excited!

Marla (my girls' current foster mom) got really sick and is having to leave early. Join me in praying for her health and her emotional/spiritual well being. This means when I get to India, I'll hit the ground running and dive straight into fostering on my own. 

I recently found out that we are getting another foster mom at SCH who will be partnering with me and living beside me. I could not be more excited! Abby will be arriving at the beginning of August and she will be fostering the other young school girls. Abby and I have been talking quite a bit and I am so thankful I will have someone to walk through life with in India. 

I've been praying for a long time that God would send a foster mom for these girls and that God would give me a best friend to do life with. I desperately wanted someone to talk to, do Bible studies with, and basically be my best friend in India. 

Abby and I have already decided we are going to be best buds which makes me really excited! I am about to leave for Nashville where I'll visiting a couple high school and college friends and also meet Abby in person! Tomorrow (Wednesday) Abby will arrive in Nashville on the megabus and we will have a "12 hour date" during which we will get to know each other, talk about SCH and our kids, pray together and just start to build a strong relationship before we're together in India. 

I am going to post a couple more blogs before I leave, then I'll finally be in India! And you can start following this great adventure God is leading Heidi, Angel, Chelsea, Leah, Paula, Naomi, Stephanie, and myself on. :)

Relentlessly

I spent a long time today thinking about God’s love for us. As I prepare to go to India, I have to constantly remind myself that I am doing this to serve God and no one else, not even my girls. I love my girls SO much. Not a minute goes by that I am not thinking of them, praying for them, and wishing I was already back in India by their sides. I would sacrifice everything I have for them.

But I am not doing this for them. 

I am going to India to serve God. I am going to India because five years ago God called me to work in an orphanage for children with disabilities in a country where they are casted out from society. I am going to India because God introduced me to SCH two years ago and has had me pray for them every day since. I am going to India to be with my Father. He created me, pursued me, loved me, and died for me. And I have to give every ounce of myself back to Him. 

A year ago, I was in a relationship with someone I loved very much. Without realizing it I had put him far above where God was in my life. Our relationship didn’t end on the prettiest of roads, and when I realized it was over I was devastated. I was broken. This person who I had invested so much in left me and didn’t turn back. 

I remember crying out to God, “Why did you let this happen? Why did you let me love him so deeply if it was just going to end? Lord, I’ve already forgiven him for the things he’s done wrong. I would welcome him back with open arms. Please God, I love him no matter what.”

I’ve never heard God speak to me as plainly as he did that day. He said, “Carrie, do you not see that is EXACTLY how I love you, but infinitely times so? I have already forgiven you of everything. I love you when you run away. I pursue you when you put other things before me. I will never stop pursuing you, never stop loving you. I am yours and you are mine. I love you no matter what.”

In that moment I finally began to realize how deeply God loves me. It took me falling in love and losing that person, being in what felt like unbearable pain from being rejected by the one whom I loved, to understand that God loves me just like that except deeper. Deeper than my mind can even begin to fathom. He loves me unconditionally. Relentlessly. His love for me never ends and it never fails. He loves me no matter what.

I just opened my Bible and a folded piece of paper fell out. It was a picture Heidi drew last summer. It’s actually just a bunch of scribbles made with a blue crayon. The paper is torn about a fourth of the way down and it looks like it is falling apart. Anyone else would look at it and think it’s trash, but to me it is one of the most special things I own. I have a little part of Heidi here with me. 

Heidi’s picture fell into my lap and I began to cry. I’m coming for you baby. I’ll be in Ongole so soon. When Marla Mummy leaves you won’t be alone. I’m coming for you and I will love you, care for you, and pray for you more and more as each day passes. I will never stop loving you. Never stop pursuing you. I will never stop giving you everything I am.

I couldn’t love Heidi like this if I didn’t know of my Father’s love for me. He loves me. He’s coming for me. He will never stop loving me or pursuing me. He will never stop giving me everything He has. I am His and He is mine. 

I serve a Father who loves Heidi. I serve a Father who loves Angel. I serve a Father who loves Chelsea, Paula, Stephanie, and Naomi. I serve a Father who loves me. 

He is bringing the seven of us together to become a family, and for that I could not be more thankful. He is bringing me to India to serve Him through loving my girls and becoming their mom. I am so in awe of a God who seeks out His children whether they be orphans in India or a lost, privileged girl in America. I am so thankful He pursues us and brings us into His Kingdom. 

“I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you.” -John 14:18-20

Jesus promised not to leave us as orphans. He adopted me into his Kingdom. He adopted my girls into his Kingdom. He gave my girls a home. He gave my girls a foster mom. But most importantly, He gave my girls an everlasting Father.

44 days.

I leave for India in 44 days. FORTY-FOUR DAYS. That is so incredibly soon and I can’t wait! I took my last final today and finished my semester! I am officially done with school until January and I can now focus even more of my time on preparing to foster my amazing girls in India.

My girls are all on summer break from school right now. By the time I get there in June, their break will be over and they will be back on their normal school schedule! Their current foster mom, Marla, has a ton of really awesome things planned for them during their break! Naomi learned to make pancakes last week and all of the girls went to the beach today! 

Ongole sits right on the coast of the Bay of Bengal and I will be able to take my girls to the beach every once and awhile! Here are some awesome pictures from their trip with Marla today! 

Chelsea loved the ocean!

Aren't Stephanie and Paula just beautiful?

Naomi loved the water too!

Heidi wasn't too excited about the water, but she really enjoyed blowing bubbles on the beach!

And Angel had a great time in the water with her ayah.

I've had a lot of questions of what my living situation in Ongole will be like. Will I be completely by myself? Not exactly. I will have two ayahs who live in our apartment and help take care of my kids. Ayahs are employees of SCH. They are usually (but not always) widows who come to work and help take care of our kids. While the ayahs will be a HUGE help to me, I will still be the primary caregiver for my girls. 

Our foster family is known as Grace Purple at SCH. I'll be living in a building called Grace Home. There are six foster apartments in Grace. My girls live on the first floor in a two bedroom apartment. My bedroom is a small room upstairs with my own small bathroom. I'll be able to keep all my stuff locked up in there and have a place for some alone time when I need it. I can choose to sleep in there or sleep downstairs with my girls. 

I got to Skype with my girls last week! Marla told them I was coming to be their new mommy! Heidi was in Hyderabad during this time, but I got to Skype her too! Marla sent Heidi to get a sleep study because she suspected she might have sleep apnea. Turns out her airways were 75% blocked by her swollen tonsils and adenoids. She had surgery to have those removed last Monday and has recovered great! They also found that Heidi might have some possible hearing loss. She now has ear tubes to hopefully correct this! She'll have some audiology tests over the next few weeks to find out if they were effective. 

I have received a few donations towards things for my girls which I am incredibly thankful! So far I have been able to purchase the guide canes for Stephanie and two other girls at SCH (Promise and Jasmine). They came in yesterday and look great! Stephanie's and Promise's are too big to fit into my suitcase so I am looking into having them shipped over to India. Starting tomorrow I will be shadowing Lynn Shubin who works with children who are blind in Knox County. She will be teaching me some Braille, how to teach Steph to use her guide cane, as well as several other things to help Steph become more independent. I am so excited to be shadowing Lynn and am so thankful she is so supportive of the time I will be spending in India! 

With the rest of the donations I have received, I have been able to start purchasing clothes for my girls! So far I've bought one outfit for each of my girls as well as some underwear and bathing suits for the little ones. I am still collecting donations as there are several more items I need to get for my girls! I will be bringing three new outfits for each of my girls as well as underwear, rain jackets, and a pair of shoes for each. I would prefer money to buy clothes rather than donations because India has vastly different modesty rules than we do here. I would much rather buy things I know my girls can wear instead of receiving donations I might not be able to take with me! I also will be purchasing a large blow up kiddie pool and plastic dinner plate sets for my girls.

I know several people might want to purchase an item or two instead of giving money and that is great too! Here is a list of items I am collecting that you can buy!

20-25 piece puzzles

Little people sets

Plastic baby dolls

Regular sized legos

Paint-by-number and other more "difficult" art projects

I am so thankful for everyone's support of my trip to India. I cannot wait to be there fostering them. In just forty-five days my life will change drastically when at 20 years old, I will board a plane to India to become a mom to six girls who have disabilities. I am so in awe that God has called me to this and I cannot wait to see everything He has in store. 

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders."

Fundraising

A few months ago I began praying about how I would get to India financially. I knew God wanted me to go, but I didn’t know where a few thousand dollars was going to come from. 

God led me to Matthew 19:16-20 - the story of the rich man and the Kingdom of God. In this story, a wealthy man comes to Jesus and asks what he must do to gain eternal life. Jesus responds by telling him to keep the commandments. When the man says “All of these I have kept. What do I still lack?” 

Jesus answers “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in Heaven. Then come, follow me.”

I am wealthy. No, I don’t have an extra $5000 in my bank account to fund my trip to India. But I am wealthy. I have never gone a day without access to food. I have never lived without a roof over my head. I have always had access to clean water. I am educated. I have my own bedroom, my own bed, my own desk, my own everything. I have a car. If there is something I need, I drive to the store and pick it up. I am wealthy.

The more I prayed about going back to India, the more God began to lay this story on my heart. He made it clear to me that I needed to get rid of some of my own material possessions in order to fund my trip to India. So I am selling my car. I’ll make more than enough to support myself, so I don’t have to fundraise for any of my personal expenses.(If you know of anyone who might be interested in a 2010 light blue Bug send them my way!)

Everything I fundraise will go directly to my girls and some of the other kids at SCH. I have a long list of items to buy here in the States as well as things I need to buy in India. 

Please pray about giving any amount for my girls. $5, $20, $50, anything. SCH is funded completely from donations which cover surgeries, healthcare, food, rent, water, school, and several other basic needs. Any toys or extra clothes kids at SCH have are usually brought over or purchased by volunteers like me. I want my girls and all the other kids at SCH to have the childhood they deserve. I want them to have toys, games, nice clothes, and everything else a child deserves.

I’m going to be purchasing several items before I leave, but I also have a limit to how much I can take with me. I can only take two suitcases 50 pounds each. I might end up paying for a third bag if I need to, but that still puts a pretty large limit on the amount I can physically take.

Marla (my girls’ current foster mom) has helped me come up with a list of things my girls and some other kids at SCH need.

I will be purchasing a guide cane for Stephanie and two other SCH kids who are blind - Promise and Jasmine. (You can read about them on their two foster moms’ (Nikki and Tori) blogs). The canes average at about $40 a piece. This is incredibly exciting because these three girls will be able to explore the world on their own! 

I will be purchasing universal cuffs for Aloe and Jackie. Both of these girls have some hand differences and universal cuffs will help them to become more independent. 

I also want to get special watches for Stephanie and three other girls I met last summer, Phoebe, Victoria, and Jeanette. These four girls are blind and I want to get them watches that speak the time for them to hear.

I’ll be getting a large blow up kiddie pool for sensory water play, as well as several toys, puzzles, crafts, legos, and games. 

I want to get a few new outfits for each of my girls as well. I am planning on buying a few outfits here, but I want to buy most of my kids’ clothes in India. All of my girls need rain jackets as well! (The monsoon season will be hitting Ongole after I arrive).

If you would like to purchase some actual items instead of giving money - that’s great! Just email me at carrienicolehopper@gmail.com or message me on Facebook. I’ll let you know specifically what I’m collecting! As far as clothes go, I want to buy my girls new clothes instead of taking old worn out donations. But if you have something that has only been worn a couple times and is in really good condition I will definitely take it!

If you want to donate you can write me a check or send me cash. I don’t really have a goal to how much I need to collect. The more money I collect, the more things I can buy for my kids and others at SCH once I am in India. SCH has several other needs as well. They constantly have kids in the hospital and kids are in and out of surgery all the time. SCH is also raising money to get several of their children their own supportive wheelchairs. Any extra money I raise will go to countless important needs that SCH has.

Thank you so much for considering donating! But more importantly, thank you for praying for me and my girls.

Naomi and Chelsea had birthdays this week! A very happy birthday to Naomi who turned 9 on Tuesday and to Chelsea who turned 3 today (Wednesday)!