Sponsorship Campaign Week 1: Naomi

As many of you know, I am a volunteer staff member at Sarah's Covenant Homes. I pay for my own rent, food, water, travel, etc. I do this because SCH runs completely off donations. We currently have about 140 special needs orphans in our care. Can you imagine that?? It costs a lot of money to keep this place running.

This is why we have a sponsorship program. When you commit to sponsoring a child at SCH, you are committing to provide them with a home, food, clean water, transportation, education, and quality care. Their sponsorship money goes towards paying the rent for their home, the cost of their food and water, the cost of their hygiene products, the salaries of their physical therapists, nurses, and ayahs. It also covers the cost of their education (mainstream or special ed schooling/private tutors).

Right now, Abby and I live in Ongole with our twelve girls. We honestly love Ongole and would live here forever if we could. But it is not the best place for our girls. There aren't any special education resources in Ongole, nor are there resources for speech therapy. Nearly all of our girls need some sort of special education ranging from programs for the blind to individualized education plans. Over half of our girls desperately need speech therapy. The good news is that SCH is in the process of moving all our kids to Hyderabad where these resources are readily available! 

The plan was for our girls to move sometime in mid-2015. Abby and I really feel that our girls need to move sooner than that. So we came up with a plan and proposed it to Sarah, our director. Sarah loved the idea and is in full support and agreement with it!

If we can get all twelve of our girls sponsored at $200 a month and $50 a month for education, than we can move to Hyderabad at the beginning of the new year! This will provide AMAZING opportunities for our girls that they really need. Abby and I are in Hyderabad right now for a few meetings and have been touring schools with special education programs in our down time. We are overcome with joy as we envision the futures our girls have here. 

So here goes! Our sponsorship campaign is kicking off with our Naomi babe! 

Naomi is officially documented as being nine years old, but we think she is probably around a year younger. She has Down's syndrome. Naomi is mostly non-verbal, but she communicates her wants and needs pretty clearly. Right now she is enrolled in mainstream school, but it isn't fitting her needs. Abby and I are probably going to pull her from school soon and begin homeschooling her until we move to Hyderabad. 

Naomi LOVES the beach. Swimming in the ocean is one of her absolute favorite things to do. This girl is a fish! She dives headfirst into the waves without any fear. The tides pull her under for a brief second as I hold her waist, praying she knows how to hold her breath. As her head pops out out of water, I am greeted with a cheesy grin and rolling laughter. 

At home Naomi is a fashionista. She loves dressing herself, picking out her shoes, and decorating her hair with every colorful clip or bow she can find! Naomi loves tucking her shirts in and wearing high-waisted pants. She is our little Indian hipster through and through. 

This girl brings us so much joy. Her smile is dazzling and her laugh is contagious. 

Naomi deserves the education and therapy resources she needs. Can you help her get there? Pray about becoming one of Naomi's monthly sponsors. She needs $150 a month in regular sponsorship. You can support her by giving either the full amount, $100 a month, $50 a month, or $40 a month. You can become one of her sponsors by clicking this link! 

Abby and I will continue to post blogs, videos, pictures, and updates about Naomi all this week. We are hoping and praying that by the end of this week Naomi will be fully sponsored!! If you commit to sponsoring her (or any of our kids) we want you to meet her! We will set up a Skype date for you to meet our Naomi babe as you begin this wonderful journey investing in her life. 

James 1:27 says "Religion that God the Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." 

God calls us to look after orphans. I know everyone isn't called to come and actually care for them day to day like I am. But He does call us all to care for these children in some way or another. Maybe He is calling you to come alongside these girls and support them financially. I encourage you to pray about sponsorship and where your role is in our girls' lives. Pray about sponsoring Naomi (or any of our 12)! These girls have so much love to give and so much potential. They need your help to really flourish and succeed!! 

The Lord makes beautiful things out of dust. He makes beautiful things out of our twelve girls. He makes beautiful things out of Naomi. 

Nine Little Nuggets

I already posted little blurbs on Heidi, Jackie, and Rebekah. If you missed it, you can read about them here! As promised, I am giving updates on all 12. Abby and I are about to start a child sponsorship campaign, where we focus on one child a week, so here are updates on my other nine!

Here is our Naomi babe. She is as silly as she looks. I always pair "babe" with Naomi's real Telugu name. Every day when Naomi gets home from school, she races up the stairs to our apartment and grins ear to ear as Abby and I sing "Naomi babe!" Naomi loves wearing her pants hiked up as high as she can get them with her shirt tucked in. Naomi struggled a little when we moved the newest six girls in a few weeks ago. I think she was used to being one of the most able bodied and rambunctious girls in the home. Naomi is really quiet sometimes and I think she had a hard time finding her place with her loud, rambunctious, mischievous, new sisters. She quickly formed a really special bond with Abby which has really helped her transition. Naomi is doing much better now!

Victoria is one of our wild girls! She is one of the funniest girls I have ever met. Let me give you a taste of her humor. Victoria is almost completely blind. (She has a little less than 10% vision, and she is missing an eye.) She has a prosthetic eye which she has started to outgrow. Because it is a little too small, it is easy for her to take in and out of her head. Victoria's favorite way to greet new short term volunteers is by taking out her prosthetic eye, holding it in her hand, and sticking it in people's faces saying "Here my eye! You see? Hahahahahaha." We are working on learning that taking your eye out your head to creep people out isn't very appropriate or nice. :) Victoria is definitely a huge goof, but she's also really sweet. Every night before bed Abby and I pray with the girls. Out big girls (Victoria, Phoebe, Stephanie, and Paula) take turns praying each night. A couple days ago when Victoria had her turn she prayed for each girl in our home by name, her former foster sisters who live in different homes now, and a couple of her former foster sisters who have been adopted. My favorite was when she prayed for one of her sisters who has a loving family in America now. Victoria prayed "Jesus love V. She America going. She love you."

Stephanie was the one girl I worried about when Abby and I decided to move all our girls in together. Steph is so quiet and timid, and I was afraid that having eleven sisters in the house would cause Steph to retreat even more. I was also worried that the other eleven would kind of forget about her because she isn't as "fun" of a playmate as many of her sisters. I am so happy to let you know that isn't the case! Phoebe LOVES Stephanie and always tries her best to make sure she is included. I catch the two of them sitting on the couch talking in rapid Telugu all the time! Occasionally Steph will get a little overwhelmed by the loud noise and commotion, but she is always reassured when Abby or I grab her hand and sing her a song.

Phoebe is the best big sister on the planet. She loves helping out with our littles like Chelsea, Heidi, and Angel. She carries Chels everywhere (But we might have to cut back some as Chels is getting a little spoiled in the no walking department). Phoebe loves doing the other girls' hair and she is actually really good at it! Some mornings she helps Abby and I get the younger ones ready for school. Phoebe astounds me. She can solve 50 piece puzzles completely on her own despite being completely blind. She translates for Abby and I when we need help communicating with our ayahs. Phoebe even tries to teach me Telugu! Sometimes we really forget she's still an 11 year old girl. Her maturity level is the highest I have ever seen in a girl her age. Half the time I feel more like Phoebe's big sister rather than her foster mom. Then she'll go into an uncontrollable giggle fit as she laughs at her own joke and I remember that she's still a kid who needs to be loved and deserves a normal childhood. I really love Phoebe. I love sitting around with her when the other girls are asleep and talking about her life. I love listening to her pray and talk about her love for Jesus.

Jeanette is our other wild child. She is completely blind and has a prosthetic left eye. Abby and I think she is also either autistic or has a sensory processing disorder. We refer to her as "tactilely curious" as she touches absolutely everything within a five foot radius of her.  Jeanette can be a little overwhelming at first, but she is so wonderful once you get to know her. She is a really loving eight year old who just doesn't know how to express her needs. A few days ago, Abby and I gave Jeanette some alone time one afternoon. We honestly thought it would last twenty minutes tops before she was over it. Jeanette surprised us! She sat and played by herself for nearly two hours! Abby and I really believe that if Jeanette gets adopted, she will be a completely different kid. She just needs more one on one attention!

Esther makes me laugh on a daily basis. She is always so giggly and silly! Esther really loves having younger sisters. In her old home she was one of the youngest. She enjoys being a big sister to the littles and getting to sleep in one our "big girl" rooms! Esther loves sneaking into my our bedroom and climbing into bed to snuggle with me or Abby. She always asks me to put henna on her hands, as it is one of her current favorite things! Esther knows how to write all of her ABCs, and she is learning to read! She's a really bright little girl! Abby and I can't wait to see how far she comes as we continue to work with her!

Chelsea has recovered from her pneumonia! Our poor little baby was so sick for over a week. She laid in bed with me nearly the entire day for almost three days straight. Her fever even peeked to 104.2! :( But our little Chels is a fighter! After several hard days she started to get back to her old self! Now she is walking around wagging her finger and trying to tell her big sisters who's in charge. In other words, she is back to normal! :) When she had pneumonia she went back into diapers because she was too sick to make it to the bathroom. Unfortunately that means we're really struggling with potty training now. Chels pees her pants 75% of the time and pitches a huge fit whenever we put her on the toilet. But we're working on it!!!

Paula loves having six new sisters in the house! She is homeschooled by a private tutor right now and really excelling! A couple months ago Paula couldn't even recognize letters and numbers. She is now recognizing her name and several sight words as well as many letters and numbers!! Paula is doing better and better with her wheelchair each day. She no longer fights us to get out. She stays in her wheelchair all day without us prompting her too! She is wheeling herself and beginning to tell her sisters to stop when they try and do it for her. She continues to be the most joyous one in our house and bring light into every day.

Angel continues to be our little stinker! :) She is the head-honcho in mischief. We've had some problems with her stealing things and with her throwing toys over our balcony. She's spent a great deal of her day in time-out recently, but she really seems to be learning! She knows what she is and isn't allowed to do. Angel really does love her sisters. She encourages Chels and Heidi who both struggle with using the potty. She totally thinks she's one of the big girls and tries to run with them even when they want to do "big girl" things!

Abby and I are about to start a sponsorship challenge. I will be posting more about it tomorrow! We will be highlighting one girl a week. We will each post two different blogs about her and share pictures and videos everyday. Our goal is to have all twelve of our girls FULLY SPONSORED by Christmas!! If we meet that girl, we will get to move to Hyderabad 4-5 months before we were originally scheduled to. This is something Abby and I really want to see happen as there are special education schools and speech therapy resources in Hyderabad that are not available in Ongole. Several of our girls REALLy need access to these resources, so we want to be in Hyderabad ASAP!

I have another little announcement that I'll post about later this week as well! :) 

Three Bundles of Joy

There has been so much going on since our six new girls moved in! Abby and I have been co-fostering for about two weeks now, but it feels like we've been doing this forever!

Abby and I designed family t-shirts and had them shipped to her in America before she left. Look how cute we all are! The shirts say "You are beautiful for you are fearfully and wonderfully made!"

Looking at this picture still puts me in shock. Do we really have twelve kids? Our family looks so huge and overwhelming in this picture, but that's not really how I feel in day to day life.

Yes, our day to day is absolutely crazy and beyond chaotic. But I don't feel overwhelmed. Honestly I don't even feel like twelve is too big a number. Abby and I like to joke about how insane we must be to have twelve children with special needs who don't fluently speak our language. But that's all it is, a joke.

Life with these twelve beautiful girls is wonderful. Never have I experienced so much joy in one place. These silly girls bring so much JOY and LIFE into our home. We've been up to a lot lately and each of our twelve have been absolutely thriving since we all moved in!

Heidi said her first word! The other night I was carrying her downstairs when she reached out and touched my face. As I turned to see her, she looked me right in the eyes and said "mama". I cried. I have been praying for my baby to start talking for over a year and she's finally there! I had a meeting with a speech therapist a couple weeks ago and now have a solid plan for her speech development. I can't wait to see my little girl become more verbal! Heidi is just the cutest now that she has one word down! She grabs Abby or I, making sure she has our full attention, before saying "mama" and pointing to whatever she wants or needs. We are so proud! I've honestly never loved someone as much as I love Heidi. I love all my girls equally, but Heidi just has this extra special place in my heart. I don't know if it is just because she is the first child at SCH that I fell in love with or what. But man do I love this bundle of joy. Heidi brings a smile to my face every single day. Even when she pees her pants for what seems to be the millionth time, I can't help but look at her and smile. She is radiant. Heidi really means the world to me. I can't imagine going a single day without her in my life.

Jackie makes me laugh on a daily basis. She is usually one of our first children to wake up in the morning and loves to get me out of bed! Most mornings I wake up to her gently kissing my cheek. I roll over and she giggles and says "I love you Carrie Mummy! Morning time!" Jackie amazes me with everything she can do at five years old despite her physical disability. Jackie only has one finger on the end of each of her hands and one toe on the outside of each of her feet. Despite not having fingers to grab or hold things, Jackie can do just about anything. She still eats with a spoon, colors and writes with crayons, opens doors and cabinets, and gets in to trouble when she unlocks the latch on our gate! It's impossible not to love Jackie because she charms everyone the second she meets them. Recently a volunteer named Kevin served at SCH. When he introduced himself to Jackie she misunderstood his name. She immediately screamed "SEVEN YOU ARE MY FRIEND!" to which she received lots of laughter. Over the course of the month he was here Jackie made sure that everyone called him Seven instead of his real name. Jackie is such a goof.

Rebekah is a hot mess. There is no better way to put it. And I love it because I am the biggest hot mess there ever was. The only word Rebekah can say completely clearly is "yeah" and she says it all the time! "Hey Rebekah how was school?" "Yeah." "Rebekah have you done your tuition?" "Yeah." "Rebekah it's dinner time!" "Yeah." "Rebekah are you ready for bed?" Silence. Bedtime has proved itself  to be the only time I don't hear her "yeah". She gets really frustrated when she can't communicate through speech. Soon Abby and I will start working with her on ways of nonverbal communication so Rebekah can better express herself. Rebekah makes me laugh daily as well. She loves to blabber on as if telling a story in gibberish. The other night I read Rebekah a bedtime story. I read the book "David Goes to School". The little boy in the book is very animated and was probably intended to look a little silly. But that's not what Rebekah saw. She saw a character in a book who looked like her. She was SO excited to see his picture. Bouncing up and down in bed, she pointed to the picture of the boy then back to herself as if to say "He looks like me! He looks like me!" She pointed to his teeth then grabbed her own. She pointed to his eyes then covered hers laughing. I fought back tears as I saw the joy on my little girl's face. She finally found something that made her feel normal. Rebekah has Apert's Syndrome which causes her to look quite a bit different than other kids. I never realized that Rebekah might be self conscious about the way she looks. Seeing the joy on her face when a character from a book made her feel normal was breathtaking. Rebekah is beautiful.

Over the next few days I will be posting updates like this about each of our twelve! SCH is run completely off donations, and we have a sponsorship program to fund our children's living expenses and school fees. Abby and I really want to see all 12 of our girls become fully sponsored before the end of the year. The good news is that we are already a fourth of the way there! Heidi, Jackie, and Rebekah (along with Angel) are all fully sponsored.

An SCH child sponsorship is $200 a month in full. It covers the rent and utilities for the child's apartment, all their food and water, medicine, routine medical checkups, and transportation. It also helps cover the salary of employees who work with them directly (nurses, ayahs, physical therapists, etc).

Our girls also have separate school sponsorships to cover the cost of their tuition. Eleven of our girls attend mainstream private schools (free education isn't really a thing here). Paula is currently homeschooled, but still has an education sponsorship to cover the cost of her school materials and private tutor. School sponsorships are $50 a month.

I know that it A LOT of money. I could never afford to pay a full sponsorship each month! Luckily you can sponsor our kids in partial sponsorships. Abby and I both sponsor a couple of our girls at $40 a month. You can see our kids' sponsorship pages by clicking their picture on the right side of my blog or you can click here to see a list of all the children in need of sponsorship.

Here we stand, our hearts are Yours. Not our will but Yours be done. Join me in praying this for our 12 girls!

Out of Chaos

Let me give you a taste of what is like to live in our home.

Every morning Abby and I wake up to either Jackie or Jeanette pounding on our bedroom door screaming "Carrie Mummy! Abby Mummy! Victoria/Naomi/Jackie/Jeanette beating! She beating Sister!" When they say "beating" they really mean light slap, but you get the picture. I tumble out of bed and open the door to find two of our four blind children running around full speed in their pajamas tripping over their sisters and knocking each other over. They're completely over stimulated and it's only 7:30 in the morning. I often times find Rebekah standing in the middle of her bedroom crying because she needs help with her school uniform and she doesn't yet know any better way to communicate. Naomi is always busy hiding her sisters' shoes and underwear all over the house, while Heidi and Angel are covered head to toe in the rice they were supposed to eat for breakfast. All the beds reek of pee as we discover that over half our girls wet the bed. All of the girls' school shoes have somehow disappeared since the night before, and no one can find the correct school uniform. The bus is running twenty minutes late, but that's ok because someone just peed all over the floor on their way to the bathroom. 

It is utter chaos.

That's the beauty of it. Out of all the chaos, our girls are finding new life. They are discovering life in Jesus. They are discovering what it's like to have a family and parents who love them. A few of them are discovering this for the first time. 

Back when I started this blog I called it Life is Being Found. It is a reference to one of my favorite songs, Beautiful Things by Gungor. The lyric I identify most with says "Out of chaos, life is being found in You."

How true that is. Life is chaotic. Especially life as a foster mother to twelve children with disabilities in India. Out of all our chaos life is being found. True life in Jesus is being found. 

Every night Abby and I put our girls to sleep bedroom by bedroom. Our preteen girls have the latest bedtime, so we make it to them last. Phoebe is always bursting with excitement to lead us in a nighttime prayer. She prays to our God in her native language and it is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. This eleven year old girl really loves the Lord and yearns to be close with Him. Not only that, but she is eager to make sure her sisters do the same. She encourages Victoria, Paula, and Stephanie to take turns praying as well. Phoebe loves leading her younger sisters in worship songs. She is bursting with love for Jesus and she can't wait to share it with everyone she meets. 

Esther shines with a love and light that can only be from God. She has this radiating smile that you can't look at without seeing Jesus. Esther is full of so much joy.

Heidi, Chelsea, and Angel love to sing a new children's worship song I taught them a few weeks ago. The chorus says "I'll do my best, I'll do my best WHOA! I'll do my best for You. Woo woo woo!" During the WHOA! We throw our arms out to the side and our bodies swing like we're being knocked over by a wave. The girls giggle hysterically and I think about how God's love is just like that. 

The love the Lord pours out upon me knocks me over like a wave every day. Every day I wake up to complete chaos and His love astounds me. I walk out of my bedroom and am bombarded by twelve screaming girls. And it's in those moments that I feel His love most heavily. How lucky am I that God chose ME of all people to live this life? How blessed am I to get to love these twelve amazing girls and be on this amazing journey with the Lord? I'm not worthy of His love. I'm really not. I'm just as messed up as the next person. Even as I live this life in India, I struggle with just as much sin as I did in America. My life is so chaotic. But I am finding life in Jesus. His love overwhelms me and knocks me off my feet. It's amazing. His love for me is amazing. His love for my girls is astounding. I am so overjoyed that life is being found in Jesus.

Here we stand, our hearts are Yours. Not our will but Yours be done.

Cheaper By The Dozen

It's time for my big announcement! I am now a foster mom to 12 girls!

Many of you all have seen me post on Facebook about my friend Abby who is coming to SCH to foster. Abby and I have been praying for a couple months about bringing our girls together and co-fostering. We really felt like this was what God was leading us to, so we spoke with our director and she was all for it! 

We are living on the entire top floor of our building, Faith Home. We decided to call our home the "House of Joyful Noise" which is fitting for our spunky twelve. The top floor is set up in two apartments which I turned into one giant home this week! We have four bedrooms. Abby and I share a bedroom (with AIR CONDITIONING - Hallelujah for that!). We are in the back apartment with our littlest girls in the other bedroom - Heidi, Angel, Chelsea, Jackie, and Naomi. The older girls live in the two bedrooms in the front. Jeanette, Esther, and Rebekah share a room and Paula, Stephanie, Phoebe, and Victoria share the other. I set the back apartment up to be a living room and GIANT play room! (Pictures to come!) The front apartment contains our dining area and we are turning that living room into a school room where out older girls can work on homework every evening. 

I've been a single foster mom to 12 for a little over 24 hours now, and let me tell you. It is HARD. I absolutely cannot wait until Abby gets here this week! On Monday night I am riding an overnight bus to Hyderabad so I can pick Abby up at the airport early Wednesday morning. On Thursday night Abby and I will be traveling back to Ongole and begin this wonderful fostering adventure together! 

These are my six who I've been fostering the past two months. Paula, Angel, Stephanie, Naomi, Chelsea, and Heidi. I'm excited to introduce you to my six new beautiful foster daughters!! Meet Phoebe, Victoria, Jackie, Rebekah, Jeanette, and Esther. 

Phoebe is completely blind and the smartest girl I have ever met. This girl can solve entire 25 piece puzzles completely on her own! She speaks really good English and loves to sit around and talk with me. She is really pretty mature for her age, and is a wonderful big sister to all our little ones! Phoebe is Stephanie's best friend and I couldn't be happier that they are now living together. Today I caught the two of them sitting on the couch jabbering away is rapid Telugu, which is something I have never heard Steph do with anyone! I'm really excited to see how great this will be for both of them.

Victoria is mostly blind (she has about 10% of her vision), and she is one of the most energetic girls I have ever met. Her smile is one of my all time favorites! Victoria is spunky, goofy, and absolutely wild. She has really surprised me since moving in though. When I met Victoria last summer, she bounced off the walls and was completely out of control. Sometimes she's still like that, but then last night she sat down with Phoebe and I and had a really serious conversation. This girl is really starting to grow up and I am so proud of her!

Jackie is my spunky five year old with some hand and feet differences. She was born with a deformity causing each of her hands to only have one finger and causing each of her feet to have only one toe. Jackie amazes me with what she can do with those two little fingers! She has learned how to write, draw, eat, hold utensils, you name it! Jackie's English is actually really good and she loves to strike up conversations with volunteers. This little ball of spunk cracks me up, and she might love the TV more than anyone else I know! :)

Rebekah has Apert's Syndrome which makes her look a little different. It also causes an intellectual disability, but as you know that doesn't make her any different than anyone else! Rebekah is wonderful, energetic, and crazy. A recent volunteer described her by saying, "I just love her. She's just like me - a hot mess." Rebekah really is a little hot mess! She is all over the place, all the time. But she is oh so loving. Last night Rebekah was a little scared being in our new home. So I curled up next to her in bed and rubbed her back as she fell asleep in my arms. I'm really excited to see how much Rebekah will grow in the coming months as Abby and I begin to really invest in her!

Jeanette is completely blind and 110% our wild child! She has a beautiful prosthetic eye. Jeanette is completely fearless. This girl can't see a thing, but that doesn't stop her from running around full speed with her arms stretched out in front of her! Jeanette spends a big chuck of her time wrapped around my waist ready for an adventure! Jeanette is full of energy and spunk! I love her and can't wait to see her learn to use her guide cane and become more independent without crashing into things! 

Esther has a mild form of cerebral palsy and an intellectual disability. She is so full of joy, excitement, and life! Esther was by far the most excited about moving in with us (which is saying a lot because all the girls were ecstatic!) When I went to pick them up from their old apartment Esther was jumping up and down screaming "YAY YAY YAY YAY!!!!!!" She is for sure a cutie pie and brings so much joy and life into our home!

So there you have it! I am a mama to twelve of the most amazing girls on the planet and I love it! In a few days our family will be complete with Abby mama, and we will be a wonderful and happy family of 14! :) 

"This day is holy of our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength." Nehemiah 8:10

Adoption: Part 1

Meet Heidi. This little 4 1/2 year old has an unbreakable hold on my heart. She is the sassiest, most joyful, moodiest, cutest, giggly cuddle bug on the face of the earth. This girl has more attitude than all of our SCH teenagers put together. She is a pro at the stank face, and her favorite activity is wagging her finger in her sister's face. Heidi giggles nearly every time I pick her up, and she loves one on one time. Heidi tries to braid my hair every afternoon after her bath time. She laughs every time as she ends up laying in my lap after a failed hairstyle. My love for Heidi is so much greater than any love I have ever had for another person. The love I have for all my girls is like that, but Heidi holds a special place in my heart.

I remember the first moment I met Heidi. Last summer, my team and I were gearing up for our first day of preschool English camp when the SCH car arrived full of kids. Hannah, one of our older school girls, helped the little ones out on to the sidewalk. Then she turned and placed Heidi in my arms. Heidi was SO tiny. I remember her wrapping her arms around my neck and resting her head on my shoulder. I was immediately overwhelmed with a huge love for this girl.

Last summer, she was like a tiny little noodle who folded into my arms. It took me two days to get her to sit facing away from me and participate with the other kids. At first I thought she might be shy or afraid of others. I was shocked to find at the end of our second day when I put her into the SCH car to go home, Heidi climbed into her seat, wagging her finger at the other kids and ordered them to move over. This little girl had some attitude!

The more I got to know her last summer, the more I fell in love. Heidi was perfect. She has Down Syndrome and she didn't talk, but that didn't make her any less of a person. I knew that God made her fearfully and wonderfully. And I knew that God made me knowing that I would one day enter into this girl's life.

After I left India last summer, I missed Heidi every single day. For months I would stalk SCH foster moms and volunteers on Facebook looking for new pictures of Heidi and updates on my baby girl.

When I felt God calling me back to foster, it was obvious that I was supposed to go to her home. My heart longed to be back in India loving her and my other girls. God placed this bond on my heart, linking me to Heidi. There wasn't a day that went by where my thoughts weren't consumed with the memories I had of this sweet little girl.

In March we discovered Heidi's tonsils and adenoids were swollen and blocking more than 75% of her airway. She quickly had a surgery scheduled to remove her tonsils and adenoids. Her old foster mom sent me a message detailing everything, and my heart broke. I knew this wasn't a major surgery. Kids have their tonsils out all the time. But Heidi was in Hyderabad for the surgery and her old foster mom wasn't. She was back in Ongole with the other girls. The thought of Heidi going through this without a mom sickened me. I wanted so badly to hop on a plane the very next day and be there with her. I wanted to carry her into the hospital, and lay her down in the bed. I wanted to hold her hand as they gave her the anesthesia, and be by her side as she drifted off to sleep. I wanted my face to be the first thing she saw when she woke up from the surgery. I wanted her to know I loved her and be comforted that her mom wasn't putting her through this alone.

I also knew these weren't exactly realistic expectations. If I really had hopped on a plane and shown up the day before her surgery, I would have been a stranger. Even worse, I would have been a very white stranger who didn't fit in at all. Heidi probably wouldn't have recognized me and my presence wouldn't have helped things much. If Heidi needed a surgery like this now, things would be be different. I would be a huge comfort to her. But I'm still not everything she needs.

Heidi needs a real mom.

She needs a real mom and a real dad. Heidi needs a family. While our little family is great, living at SCH is not the best thing for her. She is still an orphan here. Over time, some of her foster sisters will probably be adopted. She might receive new foster sisters, and maybe new foster parents. A time will come when I have to leave SCH. As much as it breaks my heart to think about it, I know it is true. I love my girls and I love being their mom. But I am like a band-aid covering their wounds of abandonment. I stop the bleeding and help wipe away the tears, but I don't heal the wound. I am not Heidi's forever mommy. 

I love Heidi and I am dead serious when I say that if Heidi is still here in five years, I WILL adopt her. But I hope and pray every single day that is not the case. She doesn't need to spend five more years here waiting for me to become eligible to pursue her. She needs a family NOW. Heidi needs loving parents who choose to fight for her and walk alongside her forever. She needs parents who love her unconditionally and who choose to lay down their lives for their beautiful daughter. She needs a forever family.

 

Every night long after my girls fall asleep, I go and check on each one of them. As I watch all six sleep soundly, I pray that their forever families are out there. If I could adopt all six of my girls right now I would. I honestly really would adopt all six of them in a heartbeat. But that isn't possible. I know the Lord has great plans for my girls, and I dearly hope His plans involve six forever families. 

I hold Heidi and wonder how I will ever be able to let her go. With a smile, I imagine one day handing her over to her parents. I imagine completely letting go of my baby girl and giving her to something so much better. I hope and pray Heidi's family is out there fighting for her, pursuing her, and praying for her every day. She has so much love to give and so much love she needs to receive.

I can't think of a better way I could love her than surrendering her completely to the Lord and trusting that He has a family out there for her. If it is the Lord's plan for me to one day become her real mom, than I pray he keeps her safe until that day. But I really hope He has different plans. I hope she is long gone and home with her family by the time I turn 25. 

Join me in praying for Heidi and all my other girls. They need families. Pray that the adoption process speeds up, and that all our kids at SCH make it home soon. They need mommies and daddies who will be with them forever. 

I post this verse a lot, but God really lays it on my heart every time I think about adoption. Jesus says in John 14:18 "I will not leave you as orphans. I will come to you." I know that wherever my girls end up, they are not orphans of God. He is their Heavenly Father and will never abandon them. They are His. 

I'm Home

I haven't been blogging as much as I would like to lately. Ideally I would like to post two or three times a week, but that just hasn't been happening. I feel like I have told you all a lot about my girls and what is going on with them, but I haven't told you much about what is going on with me.

So here goes. A blog post about my life lately in India.

I absolutely LOVE living in Ongole. I never want to leave. I love my girls more than anything and I can't imagine not being their mom. I love fostering. It is the hardest thing I have ever done, but it is so amazing. I love this city and feel so at home here.

Ongole is considered a village by most Indians. The population is a little larger than Knoxville, so it doesn't feel small to me! It isn't clean whatsoever. I rarely see real cars that are used as a family or personal vehicle. True American food is a thing of the past, and I eat more and more like an Indian each day. The city is loud, crowded, and far from what I used to consider home.

I'm not going to lie - my first couple weeks in India were HARD. I cried 5-8 times a day for the first two weeks. I hated living in Ongole. I didn't feel prepared to be a mom. I only knew 5 Telugu words and couldn't communicate with anyone. December 8th felt years away, and I wanted to go home. I thought I might have made a mistake by coming to India. Oh how wrong I was.

Ongole is my home. My girls are my family.

I walk down the streets of Ongole with a smile on my face. I love hailing rickshaw autos and telling drivers to go away when they try to overcharge me. I love learning Telugu from my nurse friends who work here. Lalitha, a nurse about my age, has quickly become one of my closest friends. We talk, laugh, and tease each other every day. She talks to me about my life in America, and I talk to her about her Indian life outside of SCH. I'm thankful to have an Indian friend who is just as sassy as I am. :)

I am quickly picking up more Telugu, and will be starting formal lessons in a few weeks. I've learned enough that I can communicate more efficiently with my Indian staff, as well as tell my girls useful commands like "go to sleep!"

I'm doing things I swore I would never do. When I first arrived there were certain Indian customs I never wanted to become my norm. But now I buy live chickens to cook, eat with my hands, use the squatty potty in my bathroom, balance things on my head to carry, and sometimes eat rice for breakfast. No worries though - I still use toilet paper and I am NEVER going full Indian on that front.

India really is my home now. Before I graduated high school, I really felt like I wasn't following God's will by applying to colleges. Once I started college I felt like I was flat out disobeying God. I felt like this my freshman year, and felt it even stronger after I returned from my first trip to India last summer. Hear me out - I am incredibly thankful for the two years that I spent in school. I learned so much and made friends I never would have otherwise. Most of my closest friends I either met or rekindled with in college. God definitely worked in my life during those two years. He stretched me and grew me tremendously. He put me through extremely hard things, refining my heart and preparing to send it to India.

But I still don't think it is where He wanted me to be. He definitely used my time spent in school, but ultimately I never once felt like I was in the center of His will.

Living in my tiny apartment with my six wonderful girls is different. I finally feel like I am in the center of God's will. I am exactly where He wants me, and it brings me inexplicable joy to know that.

This is my home. This is my life, and I love every second of it. I love Heidi, Angel, Naomi, Chelsea, Paula, and Stephanie. I love all the other kids at SCH. I love hosting volunteer teams that come through and seeing them love on our kids. I love the other missionaries fostering here. I love the city. I love the simplicity. I love the chaos. I love it all.

God placed me here for it to become my new home, for my girls to become my new family. And I praise Him every second of every day for doing so.