Following

I haven't been blogging as much as I should, and for that I apologize. So many have you have been following my journey here, supporting me and my girls financially, and praying for us without ceasing. I owe it to you to keep you updated. 

Honestly, I've had a hard month. I have faced a lot of struggles, the hardest being my decision to return home in December. Becoming a foster mom to orphaned children with special needs has always been my dream. Those of you who know me well (and probably some of you who don't) know that I've wanted to do this long before I even knew SCH existed. 

I hear a lot of missionaries tell stories of God bringing them to the last place on earth they ever thought they would be. I've heard accounts of people refusing God at first, saying "No, no, no. Absolutely not. I will not go there; I'm not doing that." It wasn't like that for me when I felt God calling me to come to India. I had wanted this life for years. When I graduated high school, college was the last place I wanted to be in the fall. I wanted to take time off and go care for with orphans with special needs. And with every semester that went by, I hated the life I was living more and more. I wanted to be here with my girls. I longed to be living this life. 

When I made the decision to come to India this six months, it was easy. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that this is where I was supposed to be. I sold my car without a second thought or doubt. I left school, my family, my friends, and every last person I knew with joy in my heart. I miss everyone like crazy, and saying goodbye was definitely hard. But I was filled with inexplicable joy to be following my dream, following God, and move to India. I couldn't wait to be with the girls. My heart was already here. 

So I arrived and began fostering seven girls on my own. Leah lived with us back then. (You can read more about her here). I was living in Ongole by myself and completely overwhelmed. I was lonely. The only Telugu word I knew was kucho which means "sit". I couldn't communicate with anyone. I had no friends here. The temperature ranged from 110-125 every day and my body had never felt so drained. Every time I thought of my mom and friends, I cried. I had no idea how I would make it until December. 

Yet at the same time, I knew I was home. I knew I never wanted to leave. On paper my life looked miserable. I was sick, lonely, culturally inept, everything looked negative. But there was a joy in my heart that turned all of that to dust. I fell head over heels in love with my girls instantly. I became their mom and loved every second of it. I loved helping them reach new milestones. I loved cleaning their poop off the floor for the millionth time that week. I loved laughing with them, playing with them, singing with them. I loved staying up all night with my littlest nugget when she was sick. I loved caring for Leah when she was in the darkest place I had ever seen. I loved it all. I knew this is where I wanted to stay. 

Exactly two months after I first arrived in India, Abby came along. A week earlier I moved six new girls in with my original girls. (Leah was living with another foster family at this point). I became a foster mom to twelve and fell in love with this life even more. I wanted to stay here forever. The thought of returning home in December and not coming back made me sick. How could I ever leave my girls? How could I ever return to the life I had been living? I felt so at home here, so overjoyed and in the center of God's will. So I decided that I would stay indefinitely. I would finish school online and continue to foster my girls until God told me otherwise. 

He told me otherwise a lot sooner than I anticipated. I was crushed. There was no way that I wasn't coming back at least until May. I wanted to give my girls at least a year. I couldn't fathom leaving them in December and not returning to foster them. I love each of my twelve foster daughters more than I have ever loved another person. I really believe the love I have for them is the love a mother has for her children. I would do absolutely anything for them. I would give up everything I had to spend the rest of my life here. I will never stop advocating for them and giving them all the energy and love I have. I wish God's plan for me was to stay in India and continue to foster them. I really do. But He has other plans. 

His plan for me here and now is to return to school and finish my degree. After fostering and living here, I've decided to change my degree so that I can one day pursue a career in something I am truly passionate about. I'm going to study political science, human rights, and law with a goal of one day working towards promoting the rights of children and adults living with disabilities worldwide. While I am beyond excited to pursue this life, I still can't imagine ending this chapter in just six weeks. 

How am I going to tell the girls that I'm leaving and don't know when I'll be back? How am I going to tell them that one day I might visit, but I will never be their foster mom again? How do I tell them that my love for them is deeper than any love I've ever had, yet I still have to leave? The truth is, I don't know how I am going to do any of it. I don't know how I am going to step on a plane in December. I don't have a clue what my life will look like once I'm back in America. Sure, I'll be going to school and have some sort of job. But will I be happy? Will I feel like I am in the center of God's will? Will I miss the girls so much that I cry ten times a day? Will I feel like I've abandoned them and made the biggest mistake of my life even when I know I haven't? I don't know. 

I don't know if I will ever see all twelve of the girls again. Who knows how long it will be before I get to come back and visit. I hope that it is soon, but I have no way of knowing. Some of them may be adopted by then (HALLELUJAH). I know that I may get to be a part of some of the girls lives once they are home, but I may never hear or see a single thing about some of them too. My final goodbyes, hugs, and kisses may come in December. And the hardest part about that is that I have no way of knowing if it is the final goodbye or not. 

It was easy for me to come here. I followed God and trusted him, but that wasn't hard. I wanted to be here. I mentioned earlier how I've heard so many accounts of people following God to the hard places, those hard places being foreign countries and ministries they didn't feel equipped for. It wasn't easy for these people to follow the Lord, yet they did and found immense joy in doing so. I think that's what it is like with me going home. Returning back to America was never a part of my plan. It was never what I wanted. But it's where the Lord is leading me. 

I will follow Him, and trust in Him even when it breaks my heart. I believe that He will rebuild me, heal me, and make me new. I believe that He will take care of my girls and continue to heal them from loss, rejection, and abandonment. I believe that He will not leave any of us as orphans, but that He will come to us. We serve a God that has not left us nor forsaken us. He is a living God who is here with us always. I am so unworthy to serve a God as loving and merciful as ours. Whether I am a mom in India or a student in Tennessee, I serve the Almighty. And I am overjoyed to do so.

Understanding Abandonment

My girls (as well as the other children at SCH) are mostly all orphans due to their disabilities. Most Hindus believe in reincarnation. With that belief, they believe that if someone is born with a disability, they are being punished for something in a former life. It is also believed by some that having a child with a disability is bad karma and a punishment to the parents. Because so many Indians share these beliefs, a lot of children with disabilities are abandoned from birth or a young age.

That sounds absolutely terrible and dreadful, right? It makes you angry that someone would literally throw their own child away or leave them for dead because of their disability. Well it should. It is in no way right, but there is a lot more that goes into abandonment than just religion. I want you to understand what goes through some of these people's heads. Anger is a healthy feeling to have in response to this, but I'm not sure that being angry at the parents is right. Our anger should be directed towards the lack of education, the poverty, and the deeply ingrained culture values that stem from old wives tales and beliefs that are not true.

Can you imagine living in a tent made of roughly sewn together bed sheets and tarps? That is how a huge population of India lives. The "untouchables" are people living in the lowest caste in India. They are often disabled, beggars, and living on next to nothing. In most places in India there is little to no social mobility. Can you imagine living that type of life with no hope of change? Poverty is already such a vicious cycle and almost impossible to escape from. But here there simply isn't an option. You're poor and that is just the way it is. You can't get into a good school (even if you somehow found the money to pay). You can't hold a simple job. These people simply do not have options. Now imagine having a child with a disability. How are you possibly going to care for them? You don't have the money to get them medical care or specialized education. You don't even have the money to feed them. Sometimes it seems like the only choice is abandonment.

Now imagine being a 17-24 year old girl awaiting marriage. You have no say in the matter, as your parents are picking your husband. They decide to pick someone they know and trust from your village. He also happens to be your second cousin. This happens far to often in Indian culture, especially in villages where ancient religion trumps modern education. Most girls have no say in who they marry, and even if they did, would they know not to marry family members? Would they know that the likelihood of having a child with a birth defect, deformity, or disability is alarmingly high? Probably not. Would they even know a single negative effect or risk of marrying a family member? Unfortunately, most people probably have no idea.

One more scenario: imagine having a child with a disability and loving them with everything you had. You look at your child and see that they are perfect. Your child is everything you have ever dreamed of and more. But then you remember that if people in your village find out about your son/daughter, they will shun you. More than likely you will lose your job. You might not be allowed back in your temple. Your other children could be denied education. You look down at your child and realize that they might mean a life living on the streets or in the slums, struggling to obtain food and water. Then you realize that in this culture, the only thing you feel like you can do is abandon them. Hopefully they will be found by someone who can give them the resources they need and you can continue to provide for your family. Imagine the heartbreak and loss in that scenario.

These are some of the reasons kids are abandoned here. And trust me, there are many more. It is a messed up and lost system. A system in desperate need of better education and resources. It is heartbreaking, awful, and sad.

If we ever want to end the orphan epidemic, we cannot solely focus on adoption. Yes, adoption is critically needed. There are over 142 million orphans worldwide. Every single one of those kids needs a family. They by no means all need to be adopted to America or another developed country. Many of them living in other countries would benefit most from being adopted by families in their own country. But if adoption is our sole focus, are we really looking to the root of the problem? Kids will continue to be abandoned. The world is in desperate need of education and resources to aid families. People need support in raising children. If they feel that they cannot care for a child, they need resources to do so. People need to know that help and support is not only out there, but attainable. People need to be educated on how to raise multiple children, children with disabilities, or critical illnesses. They need to be educated on the effects of gendercide, and the value and equality of women. They need to know that every child is worthy of life despite gender, medical condition, ability, or social class.

In order for change to be brought about in the orphan epidemic, people all over the world need to be educated. There needs to be resources in place to aid families who feel like abandonment is the only option. We as well off citizens of our developed and educated countries have to speak up for these people. We need to bring awareness to the root of this epidemic. We need to unite together with a vision and fire to end the abandonment of children. We need to help these families.

Join with me in spreading awareness and understanding of why children are abandoned in other cultures. Help me campaign for education and resources to families who feel like there is no other option. Share this blog. Research ways you can help. Tell your friends and coworkers. Spread the word.

"Every human life is worth the same, and worth saving." - JK Rowling. Let's save these kids lives by keeping them with their families.

Life from Paula's Eyes

Hi my name is Paula!

I am thirteen years old. My favorite thing to do is laugh, especially when other people aren't happy. I like when people are happy.

I have cerebral palsy.

I spent the first twelve years of my life crawling around. I got a wheelchair a few months ago. The wheelchair is great for going on walks down the street. I really like racing my sisters on their bikes. But I don't really see why I have to stay in my wheelchair at home. Crawling is so much easier. My moms say it's because I can get around easier. Apparently people like me are happier in wheelchairs. Well they must be crazy because it just seems like a lot of hard work to me. 

I have lived at SCH for a long time. For a bunch of years I didn't have a foster mom. Then I got one about a year ago. Since then I've had a few different ones. I've lived with a whole bunch of different girls, but I really like the sisters I have now. Carrie and Abby are my foster moms now. They're ok I guess. I really like to laugh and sing with them, but I can't stand when they tell me what to do! I am thirteen years old. They just don't get me. They are too old I guess.

I have eleven sisters now. I really like being a big sister to Chelsea, Heidi, Angel, and Jackie. Some of my other sisters annoy me, but mostly I like being one of the oldest. Phoebe moved in a few weeks ago and I have a lot of fun with her. 

I really like to dance! Except when too many people start looking I get embarrassed. What if they think I'm a bad dancer? Usually I just laugh at myself so everyone knows it's a joke. I like when we're all on the same page about these sorts of things. 

I have to do this thing called physical therapy all the time. It's pretty much the worst thing on the face of the earth. This lady named Ruth comes and stretches out my legs then makes me crawl up the stairs and stand up by myself. It's not a lick of fun until I start singing my ABCs. Then I have a pretty good time. 

I love getting dressed up in new clothes! Carrie bought me a new half sari for my birthday. I felt like a movie star in that thing! Really I just love any cute clothes. A girl's gotta look good, am I right?

My moms keep saying I'm a total teenager these days. I don't really know what that means. They're weirdos sometimes.

Singing is pretty much my favorite thing to do. I love to sing every single song I know all in a row. That usually means I sing my ABCs, Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas, and three of my favorite Telugu songs. Sometimes my sisters tell me to stop, but singing makes me happy so I keep on anyway.

I share a bedroom with Victoria, Phoebe, and Stephanie. We love it because we stay up way later than all the little girls. Even after Carrie and Abby put us to bed we will stay up for almost an hour talking and laughing!

I love Jesus a whole lot. I've learned a lot about prayer recently and it's a pretty cool thing. Did you know Jesus actually listens to you and answers your prayers? That's pretty cool if you ask me.

I overhear a lot of people talking about me. They always say the same thing. I'm really joyful. And I guess that's true. I like to laugh a lot. Mostly I just like to make sure everyone is happy. When I see someone who isn't happy I try to cheer them up. Being sad just stinks, I'll tell ya that much.

I really do love everyone. People are always so nice and I just love when people are nice to each other.

I love being a big sister, and I love my foster moms even when they are weird. 

I think I'd probably love you too. I like when Carrie and Abby let me Skype people. Maybe you can ask them to Skype so I can meet you! I'd really like that. 

That's about it for now. I'll talk to you later. 

Duces,

Paula

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Would you consider sponsoring Paula? She needs sponsors to cover her daily needs such as food, water, rent, transportation, and medicine. You can sponsor her by clicking this link!

Sponsorship Campaign Week 1: Naomi

As many of you know, I am a volunteer staff member at Sarah's Covenant Homes. I pay for my own rent, food, water, travel, etc. I do this because SCH runs completely off donations. We currently have about 140 special needs orphans in our care. Can you imagine that?? It costs a lot of money to keep this place running.

This is why we have a sponsorship program. When you commit to sponsoring a child at SCH, you are committing to provide them with a home, food, clean water, transportation, education, and quality care. Their sponsorship money goes towards paying the rent for their home, the cost of their food and water, the cost of their hygiene products, the salaries of their physical therapists, nurses, and ayahs. It also covers the cost of their education (mainstream or special ed schooling/private tutors).

Right now, Abby and I live in Ongole with our twelve girls. We honestly love Ongole and would live here forever if we could. But it is not the best place for our girls. There aren't any special education resources in Ongole, nor are there resources for speech therapy. Nearly all of our girls need some sort of special education ranging from programs for the blind to individualized education plans. Over half of our girls desperately need speech therapy. The good news is that SCH is in the process of moving all our kids to Hyderabad where these resources are readily available! 

The plan was for our girls to move sometime in mid-2015. Abby and I really feel that our girls need to move sooner than that. So we came up with a plan and proposed it to Sarah, our director. Sarah loved the idea and is in full support and agreement with it!

If we can get all twelve of our girls sponsored at $200 a month and $50 a month for education, than we can move to Hyderabad at the beginning of the new year! This will provide AMAZING opportunities for our girls that they really need. Abby and I are in Hyderabad right now for a few meetings and have been touring schools with special education programs in our down time. We are overcome with joy as we envision the futures our girls have here. 

So here goes! Our sponsorship campaign is kicking off with our Naomi babe! 

Naomi is officially documented as being nine years old, but we think she is probably around a year younger. She has Down's syndrome. Naomi is mostly non-verbal, but she communicates her wants and needs pretty clearly. Right now she is enrolled in mainstream school, but it isn't fitting her needs. Abby and I are probably going to pull her from school soon and begin homeschooling her until we move to Hyderabad. 

Naomi LOVES the beach. Swimming in the ocean is one of her absolute favorite things to do. This girl is a fish! She dives headfirst into the waves without any fear. The tides pull her under for a brief second as I hold her waist, praying she knows how to hold her breath. As her head pops out out of water, I am greeted with a cheesy grin and rolling laughter. 

At home Naomi is a fashionista. She loves dressing herself, picking out her shoes, and decorating her hair with every colorful clip or bow she can find! Naomi loves tucking her shirts in and wearing high-waisted pants. She is our little Indian hipster through and through. 

This girl brings us so much joy. Her smile is dazzling and her laugh is contagious. 

Naomi deserves the education and therapy resources she needs. Can you help her get there? Pray about becoming one of Naomi's monthly sponsors. She needs $150 a month in regular sponsorship. You can support her by giving either the full amount, $100 a month, $50 a month, or $40 a month. You can become one of her sponsors by clicking this link! 

Abby and I will continue to post blogs, videos, pictures, and updates about Naomi all this week. We are hoping and praying that by the end of this week Naomi will be fully sponsored!! If you commit to sponsoring her (or any of our kids) we want you to meet her! We will set up a Skype date for you to meet our Naomi babe as you begin this wonderful journey investing in her life. 

James 1:27 says "Religion that God the Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." 

God calls us to look after orphans. I know everyone isn't called to come and actually care for them day to day like I am. But He does call us all to care for these children in some way or another. Maybe He is calling you to come alongside these girls and support them financially. I encourage you to pray about sponsorship and where your role is in our girls' lives. Pray about sponsoring Naomi (or any of our 12)! These girls have so much love to give and so much potential. They need your help to really flourish and succeed!! 

The Lord makes beautiful things out of dust. He makes beautiful things out of our twelve girls. He makes beautiful things out of Naomi. 

Nine Little Nuggets

I already posted little blurbs on Heidi, Jackie, and Rebekah. If you missed it, you can read about them here! As promised, I am giving updates on all 12. Abby and I are about to start a child sponsorship campaign, where we focus on one child a week, so here are updates on my other nine!

Here is our Naomi babe. She is as silly as she looks. I always pair "babe" with Naomi's real Telugu name. Every day when Naomi gets home from school, she races up the stairs to our apartment and grins ear to ear as Abby and I sing "Naomi babe!" Naomi loves wearing her pants hiked up as high as she can get them with her shirt tucked in. Naomi struggled a little when we moved the newest six girls in a few weeks ago. I think she was used to being one of the most able bodied and rambunctious girls in the home. Naomi is really quiet sometimes and I think she had a hard time finding her place with her loud, rambunctious, mischievous, new sisters. She quickly formed a really special bond with Abby which has really helped her transition. Naomi is doing much better now!

Victoria is one of our wild girls! She is one of the funniest girls I have ever met. Let me give you a taste of her humor. Victoria is almost completely blind. (She has a little less than 10% vision, and she is missing an eye.) She has a prosthetic eye which she has started to outgrow. Because it is a little too small, it is easy for her to take in and out of her head. Victoria's favorite way to greet new short term volunteers is by taking out her prosthetic eye, holding it in her hand, and sticking it in people's faces saying "Here my eye! You see? Hahahahahaha." We are working on learning that taking your eye out your head to creep people out isn't very appropriate or nice. :) Victoria is definitely a huge goof, but she's also really sweet. Every night before bed Abby and I pray with the girls. Out big girls (Victoria, Phoebe, Stephanie, and Paula) take turns praying each night. A couple days ago when Victoria had her turn she prayed for each girl in our home by name, her former foster sisters who live in different homes now, and a couple of her former foster sisters who have been adopted. My favorite was when she prayed for one of her sisters who has a loving family in America now. Victoria prayed "Jesus love V. She America going. She love you."

Stephanie was the one girl I worried about when Abby and I decided to move all our girls in together. Steph is so quiet and timid, and I was afraid that having eleven sisters in the house would cause Steph to retreat even more. I was also worried that the other eleven would kind of forget about her because she isn't as "fun" of a playmate as many of her sisters. I am so happy to let you know that isn't the case! Phoebe LOVES Stephanie and always tries her best to make sure she is included. I catch the two of them sitting on the couch talking in rapid Telugu all the time! Occasionally Steph will get a little overwhelmed by the loud noise and commotion, but she is always reassured when Abby or I grab her hand and sing her a song.

Phoebe is the best big sister on the planet. She loves helping out with our littles like Chelsea, Heidi, and Angel. She carries Chels everywhere (But we might have to cut back some as Chels is getting a little spoiled in the no walking department). Phoebe loves doing the other girls' hair and she is actually really good at it! Some mornings she helps Abby and I get the younger ones ready for school. Phoebe astounds me. She can solve 50 piece puzzles completely on her own despite being completely blind. She translates for Abby and I when we need help communicating with our ayahs. Phoebe even tries to teach me Telugu! Sometimes we really forget she's still an 11 year old girl. Her maturity level is the highest I have ever seen in a girl her age. Half the time I feel more like Phoebe's big sister rather than her foster mom. Then she'll go into an uncontrollable giggle fit as she laughs at her own joke and I remember that she's still a kid who needs to be loved and deserves a normal childhood. I really love Phoebe. I love sitting around with her when the other girls are asleep and talking about her life. I love listening to her pray and talk about her love for Jesus.

Jeanette is our other wild child. She is completely blind and has a prosthetic left eye. Abby and I think she is also either autistic or has a sensory processing disorder. We refer to her as "tactilely curious" as she touches absolutely everything within a five foot radius of her.  Jeanette can be a little overwhelming at first, but she is so wonderful once you get to know her. She is a really loving eight year old who just doesn't know how to express her needs. A few days ago, Abby and I gave Jeanette some alone time one afternoon. We honestly thought it would last twenty minutes tops before she was over it. Jeanette surprised us! She sat and played by herself for nearly two hours! Abby and I really believe that if Jeanette gets adopted, she will be a completely different kid. She just needs more one on one attention!

Esther makes me laugh on a daily basis. She is always so giggly and silly! Esther really loves having younger sisters. In her old home she was one of the youngest. She enjoys being a big sister to the littles and getting to sleep in one our "big girl" rooms! Esther loves sneaking into my our bedroom and climbing into bed to snuggle with me or Abby. She always asks me to put henna on her hands, as it is one of her current favorite things! Esther knows how to write all of her ABCs, and she is learning to read! She's a really bright little girl! Abby and I can't wait to see how far she comes as we continue to work with her!

Chelsea has recovered from her pneumonia! Our poor little baby was so sick for over a week. She laid in bed with me nearly the entire day for almost three days straight. Her fever even peeked to 104.2! :( But our little Chels is a fighter! After several hard days she started to get back to her old self! Now she is walking around wagging her finger and trying to tell her big sisters who's in charge. In other words, she is back to normal! :) When she had pneumonia she went back into diapers because she was too sick to make it to the bathroom. Unfortunately that means we're really struggling with potty training now. Chels pees her pants 75% of the time and pitches a huge fit whenever we put her on the toilet. But we're working on it!!!

Paula loves having six new sisters in the house! She is homeschooled by a private tutor right now and really excelling! A couple months ago Paula couldn't even recognize letters and numbers. She is now recognizing her name and several sight words as well as many letters and numbers!! Paula is doing better and better with her wheelchair each day. She no longer fights us to get out. She stays in her wheelchair all day without us prompting her too! She is wheeling herself and beginning to tell her sisters to stop when they try and do it for her. She continues to be the most joyous one in our house and bring light into every day.

Angel continues to be our little stinker! :) She is the head-honcho in mischief. We've had some problems with her stealing things and with her throwing toys over our balcony. She's spent a great deal of her day in time-out recently, but she really seems to be learning! She knows what she is and isn't allowed to do. Angel really does love her sisters. She encourages Chels and Heidi who both struggle with using the potty. She totally thinks she's one of the big girls and tries to run with them even when they want to do "big girl" things!

Abby and I are about to start a sponsorship challenge. I will be posting more about it tomorrow! We will be highlighting one girl a week. We will each post two different blogs about her and share pictures and videos everyday. Our goal is to have all twelve of our girls FULLY SPONSORED by Christmas!! If we meet that girl, we will get to move to Hyderabad 4-5 months before we were originally scheduled to. This is something Abby and I really want to see happen as there are special education schools and speech therapy resources in Hyderabad that are not available in Ongole. Several of our girls REALLy need access to these resources, so we want to be in Hyderabad ASAP!

I have another little announcement that I'll post about later this week as well! :) 

Three Bundles of Joy

There has been so much going on since our six new girls moved in! Abby and I have been co-fostering for about two weeks now, but it feels like we've been doing this forever!

Abby and I designed family t-shirts and had them shipped to her in America before she left. Look how cute we all are! The shirts say "You are beautiful for you are fearfully and wonderfully made!"

Looking at this picture still puts me in shock. Do we really have twelve kids? Our family looks so huge and overwhelming in this picture, but that's not really how I feel in day to day life.

Yes, our day to day is absolutely crazy and beyond chaotic. But I don't feel overwhelmed. Honestly I don't even feel like twelve is too big a number. Abby and I like to joke about how insane we must be to have twelve children with special needs who don't fluently speak our language. But that's all it is, a joke.

Life with these twelve beautiful girls is wonderful. Never have I experienced so much joy in one place. These silly girls bring so much JOY and LIFE into our home. We've been up to a lot lately and each of our twelve have been absolutely thriving since we all moved in!

Heidi said her first word! The other night I was carrying her downstairs when she reached out and touched my face. As I turned to see her, she looked me right in the eyes and said "mama". I cried. I have been praying for my baby to start talking for over a year and she's finally there! I had a meeting with a speech therapist a couple weeks ago and now have a solid plan for her speech development. I can't wait to see my little girl become more verbal! Heidi is just the cutest now that she has one word down! She grabs Abby or I, making sure she has our full attention, before saying "mama" and pointing to whatever she wants or needs. We are so proud! I've honestly never loved someone as much as I love Heidi. I love all my girls equally, but Heidi just has this extra special place in my heart. I don't know if it is just because she is the first child at SCH that I fell in love with or what. But man do I love this bundle of joy. Heidi brings a smile to my face every single day. Even when she pees her pants for what seems to be the millionth time, I can't help but look at her and smile. She is radiant. Heidi really means the world to me. I can't imagine going a single day without her in my life.

Jackie makes me laugh on a daily basis. She is usually one of our first children to wake up in the morning and loves to get me out of bed! Most mornings I wake up to her gently kissing my cheek. I roll over and she giggles and says "I love you Carrie Mummy! Morning time!" Jackie amazes me with everything she can do at five years old despite her physical disability. Jackie only has one finger on the end of each of her hands and one toe on the outside of each of her feet. Despite not having fingers to grab or hold things, Jackie can do just about anything. She still eats with a spoon, colors and writes with crayons, opens doors and cabinets, and gets in to trouble when she unlocks the latch on our gate! It's impossible not to love Jackie because she charms everyone the second she meets them. Recently a volunteer named Kevin served at SCH. When he introduced himself to Jackie she misunderstood his name. She immediately screamed "SEVEN YOU ARE MY FRIEND!" to which she received lots of laughter. Over the course of the month he was here Jackie made sure that everyone called him Seven instead of his real name. Jackie is such a goof.

Rebekah is a hot mess. There is no better way to put it. And I love it because I am the biggest hot mess there ever was. The only word Rebekah can say completely clearly is "yeah" and she says it all the time! "Hey Rebekah how was school?" "Yeah." "Rebekah have you done your tuition?" "Yeah." "Rebekah it's dinner time!" "Yeah." "Rebekah are you ready for bed?" Silence. Bedtime has proved itself  to be the only time I don't hear her "yeah". She gets really frustrated when she can't communicate through speech. Soon Abby and I will start working with her on ways of nonverbal communication so Rebekah can better express herself. Rebekah makes me laugh daily as well. She loves to blabber on as if telling a story in gibberish. The other night I read Rebekah a bedtime story. I read the book "David Goes to School". The little boy in the book is very animated and was probably intended to look a little silly. But that's not what Rebekah saw. She saw a character in a book who looked like her. She was SO excited to see his picture. Bouncing up and down in bed, she pointed to the picture of the boy then back to herself as if to say "He looks like me! He looks like me!" She pointed to his teeth then grabbed her own. She pointed to his eyes then covered hers laughing. I fought back tears as I saw the joy on my little girl's face. She finally found something that made her feel normal. Rebekah has Apert's Syndrome which causes her to look quite a bit different than other kids. I never realized that Rebekah might be self conscious about the way she looks. Seeing the joy on her face when a character from a book made her feel normal was breathtaking. Rebekah is beautiful.

Over the next few days I will be posting updates like this about each of our twelve! SCH is run completely off donations, and we have a sponsorship program to fund our children's living expenses and school fees. Abby and I really want to see all 12 of our girls become fully sponsored before the end of the year. The good news is that we are already a fourth of the way there! Heidi, Jackie, and Rebekah (along with Angel) are all fully sponsored.

An SCH child sponsorship is $200 a month in full. It covers the rent and utilities for the child's apartment, all their food and water, medicine, routine medical checkups, and transportation. It also helps cover the salary of employees who work with them directly (nurses, ayahs, physical therapists, etc).

Our girls also have separate school sponsorships to cover the cost of their tuition. Eleven of our girls attend mainstream private schools (free education isn't really a thing here). Paula is currently homeschooled, but still has an education sponsorship to cover the cost of her school materials and private tutor. School sponsorships are $50 a month.

I know that it A LOT of money. I could never afford to pay a full sponsorship each month! Luckily you can sponsor our kids in partial sponsorships. Abby and I both sponsor a couple of our girls at $40 a month. You can see our kids' sponsorship pages by clicking their picture on the right side of my blog or you can click here to see a list of all the children in need of sponsorship.

Here we stand, our hearts are Yours. Not our will but Yours be done. Join me in praying this for our 12 girls!

Out of Chaos

Let me give you a taste of what is like to live in our home.

Every morning Abby and I wake up to either Jackie or Jeanette pounding on our bedroom door screaming "Carrie Mummy! Abby Mummy! Victoria/Naomi/Jackie/Jeanette beating! She beating Sister!" When they say "beating" they really mean light slap, but you get the picture. I tumble out of bed and open the door to find two of our four blind children running around full speed in their pajamas tripping over their sisters and knocking each other over. They're completely over stimulated and it's only 7:30 in the morning. I often times find Rebekah standing in the middle of her bedroom crying because she needs help with her school uniform and she doesn't yet know any better way to communicate. Naomi is always busy hiding her sisters' shoes and underwear all over the house, while Heidi and Angel are covered head to toe in the rice they were supposed to eat for breakfast. All the beds reek of pee as we discover that over half our girls wet the bed. All of the girls' school shoes have somehow disappeared since the night before, and no one can find the correct school uniform. The bus is running twenty minutes late, but that's ok because someone just peed all over the floor on their way to the bathroom. 

It is utter chaos.

That's the beauty of it. Out of all the chaos, our girls are finding new life. They are discovering life in Jesus. They are discovering what it's like to have a family and parents who love them. A few of them are discovering this for the first time. 

Back when I started this blog I called it Life is Being Found. It is a reference to one of my favorite songs, Beautiful Things by Gungor. The lyric I identify most with says "Out of chaos, life is being found in You."

How true that is. Life is chaotic. Especially life as a foster mother to twelve children with disabilities in India. Out of all our chaos life is being found. True life in Jesus is being found. 

Every night Abby and I put our girls to sleep bedroom by bedroom. Our preteen girls have the latest bedtime, so we make it to them last. Phoebe is always bursting with excitement to lead us in a nighttime prayer. She prays to our God in her native language and it is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. This eleven year old girl really loves the Lord and yearns to be close with Him. Not only that, but she is eager to make sure her sisters do the same. She encourages Victoria, Paula, and Stephanie to take turns praying as well. Phoebe loves leading her younger sisters in worship songs. She is bursting with love for Jesus and she can't wait to share it with everyone she meets. 

Esther shines with a love and light that can only be from God. She has this radiating smile that you can't look at without seeing Jesus. Esther is full of so much joy.

Heidi, Chelsea, and Angel love to sing a new children's worship song I taught them a few weeks ago. The chorus says "I'll do my best, I'll do my best WHOA! I'll do my best for You. Woo woo woo!" During the WHOA! We throw our arms out to the side and our bodies swing like we're being knocked over by a wave. The girls giggle hysterically and I think about how God's love is just like that. 

The love the Lord pours out upon me knocks me over like a wave every day. Every day I wake up to complete chaos and His love astounds me. I walk out of my bedroom and am bombarded by twelve screaming girls. And it's in those moments that I feel His love most heavily. How lucky am I that God chose ME of all people to live this life? How blessed am I to get to love these twelve amazing girls and be on this amazing journey with the Lord? I'm not worthy of His love. I'm really not. I'm just as messed up as the next person. Even as I live this life in India, I struggle with just as much sin as I did in America. My life is so chaotic. But I am finding life in Jesus. His love overwhelms me and knocks me off my feet. It's amazing. His love for me is amazing. His love for my girls is astounding. I am so overjoyed that life is being found in Jesus.

Here we stand, our hearts are Yours. Not our will but Yours be done.