Out of Chaos

Let me give you a taste of what is like to live in our home.

Every morning Abby and I wake up to either Jackie or Jeanette pounding on our bedroom door screaming "Carrie Mummy! Abby Mummy! Victoria/Naomi/Jackie/Jeanette beating! She beating Sister!" When they say "beating" they really mean light slap, but you get the picture. I tumble out of bed and open the door to find two of our four blind children running around full speed in their pajamas tripping over their sisters and knocking each other over. They're completely over stimulated and it's only 7:30 in the morning. I often times find Rebekah standing in the middle of her bedroom crying because she needs help with her school uniform and she doesn't yet know any better way to communicate. Naomi is always busy hiding her sisters' shoes and underwear all over the house, while Heidi and Angel are covered head to toe in the rice they were supposed to eat for breakfast. All the beds reek of pee as we discover that over half our girls wet the bed. All of the girls' school shoes have somehow disappeared since the night before, and no one can find the correct school uniform. The bus is running twenty minutes late, but that's ok because someone just peed all over the floor on their way to the bathroom. 

It is utter chaos.

That's the beauty of it. Out of all the chaos, our girls are finding new life. They are discovering life in Jesus. They are discovering what it's like to have a family and parents who love them. A few of them are discovering this for the first time. 

Back when I started this blog I called it Life is Being Found. It is a reference to one of my favorite songs, Beautiful Things by Gungor. The lyric I identify most with says "Out of chaos, life is being found in You."

How true that is. Life is chaotic. Especially life as a foster mother to twelve children with disabilities in India. Out of all our chaos life is being found. True life in Jesus is being found. 

Every night Abby and I put our girls to sleep bedroom by bedroom. Our preteen girls have the latest bedtime, so we make it to them last. Phoebe is always bursting with excitement to lead us in a nighttime prayer. She prays to our God in her native language and it is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. This eleven year old girl really loves the Lord and yearns to be close with Him. Not only that, but she is eager to make sure her sisters do the same. She encourages Victoria, Paula, and Stephanie to take turns praying as well. Phoebe loves leading her younger sisters in worship songs. She is bursting with love for Jesus and she can't wait to share it with everyone she meets. 

Esther shines with a love and light that can only be from God. She has this radiating smile that you can't look at without seeing Jesus. Esther is full of so much joy.

Heidi, Chelsea, and Angel love to sing a new children's worship song I taught them a few weeks ago. The chorus says "I'll do my best, I'll do my best WHOA! I'll do my best for You. Woo woo woo!" During the WHOA! We throw our arms out to the side and our bodies swing like we're being knocked over by a wave. The girls giggle hysterically and I think about how God's love is just like that. 

The love the Lord pours out upon me knocks me over like a wave every day. Every day I wake up to complete chaos and His love astounds me. I walk out of my bedroom and am bombarded by twelve screaming girls. And it's in those moments that I feel His love most heavily. How lucky am I that God chose ME of all people to live this life? How blessed am I to get to love these twelve amazing girls and be on this amazing journey with the Lord? I'm not worthy of His love. I'm really not. I'm just as messed up as the next person. Even as I live this life in India, I struggle with just as much sin as I did in America. My life is so chaotic. But I am finding life in Jesus. His love overwhelms me and knocks me off my feet. It's amazing. His love for me is amazing. His love for my girls is astounding. I am so overjoyed that life is being found in Jesus.

Here we stand, our hearts are Yours. Not our will but Yours be done.