Leah: Part I

I've posted a little about Leah before, but I haven't formally introduced her to you yet. Meet Leah - my crazy, spunky, high-energy, Hindi-speaking 10 year old.

All of my girls have a unique and heartbreaking story of abandonment, and I'm sure there is more to each of my girls' stories that I'll never hear. My other six have been at SCH for a few years, but Leah has a different story. She was found at a train station a little over two months ago. The police brought her to the nearest orphanage where she was labeled as "mentally unsound" within a week. I was reading her file, I discovered that the only reason she was labeled as such was because she couldn't tell the anyone her name or age. Leah only speaks Hindi so at the time, she might not have understood the question she was being asked. Or she could have been absolutely terrified to tell these strangers anything about herself. Whatever the reason may be, this resulted in Leah being transferred to SCH.

I am so thankful she is here instead of at some other orphanage. I am so thankful she is in my home instead of a home without a foster mom. Leah desperately needs someone who will love her unconditionally, invest in her, and advocate for her. And I am so thankful that God placed me here to be that person.

Leah has more energy than any kid I have ever met. Asking her to sit still is almost a worthless cause.   When she becomes happy or excited, she always defies gravity and somehow manages to jump up and down with her body twisted into some upside down position. Notice how in this picture all the other kids are sitting and laughing while Leah's doing a head stand! Other times she will lay her hands and feet flat on the floor and hop around like a frog. 

Leah usually plays well with her sisters and other friends here at SCH. She isn't enrolled in school right now, but she goes to an on sight Special Education program held here. In the mornings she has classes taught by the Rippees, a family of missionaries living and fostering at SCH. They have a few blogs about Leah which you can read here. In the afternoons she is taught by an Indian special education teacher. She can sign most of her English ABCs and is learning a lot about how to behave in a classroom setting. 

Leah is extremely smart and aware of her surroundings. She came to SCH understanding little to no Telugu or English. She is now understanding most of what we speak to her in both languages! She hasn't learned to speak much yet, but that may be partially due to a speech problem. I highly suspect that Leah has a speech impediment, but it is so hard to know for sure since close to no one in Ongole speaks her language. She has learned to say one English word though! A few days ago she began calling me "Mummy!" 

Leah and I went to the beach with the Rippees and a couple of their girls last week. It was such a wonderful day as I got to know my girl better and spend a whole day just with her. We had a blast running head first into the waves of the Bay of Bengal and getting knocked over by the tides. Leah laughed joyfully as waves knocked us over and left us lying in the sand. She wrapped her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist trusting that I wasn't going to let her go. That day I got to see the girl who lives deep inside Leah's heart, a joyful, silly ten year old who strives to be accepted and live adventurously. 

Leah is like a fully loaded cannon ready to explode. Sometimes she explodes with joy and laughter; other times she explodes with anger and violence. My heart aches for her as I watch this inner struggle that goes on in her head. When I first arrived in India, Leah definitely had some behavior problems and she would sometimes hit her sisters, but it was usually fun and games to her. She never seemed to hit when she was angry or upset. As time went on her behaviors began to escalate. 

At first things weren't too bad. Leah would become angry if I left the apartment with another girl for some one on one time. Leah demonstrates several attention seeking behaviors so this wasn't too far out of the ordinary. A few days later she started losing her temper whenever things didn't go her way. She started throwing fits where she sprawls out on the floor thrashing around and screams mostly unintelligible sounds that are obviously filled with anger. I've had a really tough time finding ways to calm her down in these situations without sticking her in time out. 

Over the past week and a half things got worse. Leah's behaviors escalated to new heights that were far out of my control. Leah started becoming violent when something went wrong. Then she started becoming violent without any trigger that I could see. She had a really bad night a few days ago that left me aching for her and worrying for my other girls. I knew having her around was becoming unhealthy and dangerous for them. After all my girls were asleep, I sat on the floor beside Leah's bed crying and begging the Lord for guidance. I had absolutely no idea what to do for this girl. She carries so much anger, pain, and fear that is far deeper than anything I could probably ever imagine. I wept for her as I imagined what could be going on in her head. I wondered if she regretted her actions and how that would affect her in the future. I wondered if she would even remember this night in the morning. I wondered if she wanted to do these things or if she just lost control. 

As I sat by her bed and watched her sleep I saw an innocent little girl that deserves a much better life than the one she's been living. I saw a girl who desperately needs freedom and life in Jesus. I prayed with a few other volunteers that night for Leah. We each lifted her up to the Lord asking for healing and wisdom to be bestowed on this entire situation. We prayed for God to give me wisdom on how to best be her mom and advocate. We prayed that her behaviors would not negatively impact any of my other girls. We prayed and prayed for Leah, asking that the Lord would bring her a life free of anger and full of joy. 

After a lot of prayer and talking with some others here at SCH, I decided Leah needed help sooner rather than later. Leah and I are leaving for Hyderabad tomorrow night. We will spend several days at the SCH home there attending doctors appointments every day. I have appointments scheduled for her with a behavior specialist beginning on Wednesday afternoon. We are also going to see a psychiatrist and a speech therapist. I am hoping that this trip will bring us some insight and answers to Leah's behaviors. I am hoping that she is receptive to all of our doctor's visits and that this is the beginning of a new path of healing for her. 

I titled this post Leah: Part I because I believe her journey isn't over. She is so much more than the lost, confused, and frustrated kid we've seen thus far. I am confident that there is a life filled with redemption, joy, and abundance awaiting her. This isn't over yet. I will stand by her through it all advocating for her, loving her, and investing in her life. God has something amazing waiting for Leah. He will bring her freedom to run head first into the waves of His grace. 

Seven Reasons Why You Shouldn't Use the Word "Retarded"

I have been an advocate for the Spread the Word to End the Word Campaign for years. In high school I led a rally with the help of my friend Jonathan encouraging students to end the use of the words "retard" and "retarded." In high school I had seventeen reasons why you shouldn't say the r-word. Those seventeen reasons were seventeen of my closest friends, all of whom are living with disabilities. Now I have seven more.

I am currently living in India at Sarah's Covenant Homes, an orphanage for children with physical and developmental disabilities. I am a foster mom to seven of the most amazing girls who have ever walked this earth. All of girls are orphans who have been abandoned due to their disabilities. In Hinduism, which is the religion most Indians living in our area practice, it is believed that if someone is born with a disability they are being punished for something in a former life. A lot of Indian culture is shaped by Hindu beliefs including this one. People with disabilities are automatically put into the lowest caste and they are referred to as "untouchables."

My girls have all faced a lot of hardships in their lives, but I believe that has only made them stronger. There is absolutely nothing about them that is "retarded" or "untouchable." They are amazing.

Reason #1: Stephanie

Stephanie is my thirteen year old. She is blind and has some developmental delays due to not being in school or cared for during the early years of her life. She has been completely dependent on others nearly her entire life. Due to her past, Stephanie fears almost everything and she is really cautious to talk to people she doesn't trust. People have written her off as unable to do anything for herself. But that is not the case. Stephanie amazes me each and every day. Last week I introduced her to her new guide cane. No one had ever taught her the concept of a guide cane before, so naturally I was expecting the learning process to take awhile. But it didn't. Stephanie learned to use her cane independently in under two hours. Since that day, she uses her guide cane nearly everywhere she goes. She is learning to navigate new terrains, and she is beginning to stand up for herself and tell her foster sisters no when they try to lead her out of habit. Stephanie is trying new things every day and I am so proud of her. She is one of the most joyful girls I have ever met. This girl has a smile that could light up the world. You can read more about Stephanie and her accomplishments here.

Reason # 2: Leah

Leah was found at a train station two months ago. She was brought to a nearby orphanage by the police and dropped off. Within a week this orphanage deemed her "mentally unsound" because she could not state her name or where she had come from. She was transferred to SCH and placed in my home. Leah only speaks Hindi and the language spoken in this part of India is Telugu. My guess is she either didn't understand the first orphanage's questions because they were spoken in a different language, or she was too scared to tell these random strangers information about herself. I think Leah also has a speech problem and I am taking her to a Hindi speaking speech therapist soon to confirm. She has several behavioral issues as well, but that doesn't make her any different than anyone else. Yesterday I went to the beach with Leah and she laughed, played, and splashed just as any other kid would. She is a fun loving ten year old who loves to laugh and play. Leah's favorite thing to do is use the Talking Tom app on my iPad. She talks to it in Hindi and giggles every time it speaks back to her in her language. Leah is spunky and a completely independent person. She loves helping me pick out the little ones' outfits and get them dressed. She is altogether a happy kid despite her recent trauma of abandonment.

Reason # 3: Chelsea 

Chelsea is my youngest at three years old. She was born with a cleft lip and palate, but has had them repaired since coming to SCH. She is a silly and spunky girl who recently started school for the very first time! Chelsea has a prominent scar on her stomach from the g-tube she used prior to her surgery. Her scar and surgically repaired lip still outwardly mark her as "different" to many who meet her. But she isn't different. Every day upon arriving home from school, Chelsea runs up the stairs to our apartment screaming "HIIIIIII!" and giggles as I engulf her in a bear hug. She loves sneaking into our bathroom and playing in the water when I'm not looking, and she hates bed time. Her favorite thing to play with is the girls' tent tunnel, and she loves when I sing to her. Chelsea is your average three year old girl and a whole bundle of cuteness. 

Reason # 4: Naomi

Naomi is around eight years old and has Down syndrome. She was found three years ago and brought to SCH. We don't know much about her past, but it is likely that she spent the first five to six years of her life on the streets being kept alive by beggars who used her for pity, or kept hidden in her house by her family who saw her as a disgrace. Whatever her past may be, it left scars. Naomi cowers in fear if she thinks she has done something wrong. My heart breaks each time as I hold her close and tell her I love her and that I am never going to hurt her. Naomi doesn't speak very much; she can only say a few words in Telugu and one or two in English. She loves looking at pictures of herself and screaming her name, making sure everyone in the room knows that she is beautiful. Naomi is a problem solver. She loves doing puzzles and has even figured out how to use the touch screen to solve some puzzles on my iPad! Her favorite things to do are color pictures and make crafts, which she is insanely good at! Naomi has been through more than I can imagine in her short life, but she is a smart girl who is working hard to be like everyone else.

Reason #5: Paula

Paula is twelve years old and has cerebral palsy. She received her very first wheelchair in February and she is still learning how to use it. She spent the first eleven and a half years of her life crawling everywhere she went. She had to depend on others to carry her long distances and due to her mobility issues, she rarely got to leave the orphanage to go on outings with the other girls. Yet Paula is filled with so much joy. She always has a smile on her face and will make you laugh at the first thing she says. Paula is so determined to learn how to use her wheelchair and become more independent. I love pushing her through our "neighborhood" and letting her interact with other kids besides the ones living at SCH. She's your average preteen who secretly loves her mother's kisses, but will pretend to be disgusted and embarrassed when she receives them.

Reason # 6: Angel

Angel is four years old. She originally came to SCH with an undiagnosed "spinal problem" because she couldn't walk and wouldn't put weight on one of her legs. It was later found that she had osseous tuberculosis. She finished her nine month treatment last fall and has been rambunctious and stubborn ever since. She is incredibly silly and loves to be the ring leader of mischief around our home. Angel loves run up and down our balcony every evening after dinner. She giggles at herself every time she purposefully calls me the wrong name and laughs even harder when she sees my reaction. 

Reason # 7: Heidi

Heidi is four years old and has Down syndrome. She is a giggly girl who loves to play with me. Her favorite toy is her baby doll. Every day she combs it's hair and tries to braid it just like hers. She loves the baby swing in our apartment; she will laugh and laugh as I push her back and forth. Then when it is time to get out she waves her hands frantically to tell me "no no no!" and shoots me a sassy look as her feet touch the floor. She has more attitude and personality than any four year old I've ever known. She likes to boss her sisters around by wagging her little finger at anything they do wrong. Heidi hates getting dirty. Indians eat with their hands and don't use utensils, but Heidi hates it. Sometimes she'll refuse to eat unless I get her a spoon so her hands stay clean. She is cuddly and loves to be held and loved on. Heidi is learning to talk and is already saying a few words clearly!

Not a single one of my girls is a "retard." In fact, they are quite the opposite. My seven girls are AMAZING. They have been through more in their short lives than most of us will ever have to endure. They live in a culture that rejects them, and they live as orphans. They have me as their foster mom right now, but they won't have me forever. My seven girls are not "untouchables" and they are not any different than you and I. 

I love my girls more than I have ever loved anyone, and I thank God for them every day. Next time you start to use the word "retarded" to mean dumb, slow, stupid, inferior or whatever else, I hope you think of my girls. That word insults me and them on a deep level. My girls have overcome more in their lives than you or I probably ever will and they deserve words of praise and respect. 

Stop using the words "retard(ed)" today and instead think about my girls and words that better describe them.

My girls are amazing, brave, outstanding, loving, giggly, silly, fun, lovely, unbelievable, beautiful, artistic, determined, joyful, expressive, mischievous, enthusiastic, kindhearted, clever, helpful, gifted, tender, delightful, eager, hilarious, proud, jolly, lively, able, cheerful, entertaining, adventurous, cuddly, important, inquisitive,  helpful, noisy, rambunctious, talented, smiley, sneaky, worthwhile, and lovable. But they are most certainly not retarded. 

Meet Stephanie

Stephanie is the oldest girl in my home, but she is also the most overlooked. If you were to walk into my apartment Leah would bombard you immediately while screaming some exciting Hindi phrase. After you got past her, my three little ones would be jumping towards your waist and reaching for your hand. Chelsea would scream "HI!!!" (It's the only English word my 3 year old knows, so naturally she uses it ALL THE TIME.) Heidi would give you a look so full of attitude that you would probably start to laugh, and Angel would drag you towards the kitchen to see if you can reach the cookies she's been trying to sneak all day. Then you would see Naomi who is a little timid at first, but now that she's seen the other girls interact with you, she has probably decided that you're ok. She'll come up and hold your hand and really be content doing anything as long as she can cuddle up next to you. Paula will dazzle you with her award winning smile and really capture your heart. She will just be so excited that you are there to see her and be by her side. Then once you make it past the other six, you'll see beautiful Stephanie sitting in a chair patiently awaiting for you to say hi.

Stephanie is estimated to be 13, although personally I think she might be around a year older. She is blind and probably due to her past before coming to SCH, she is extremely quiet and timid. She is a really smart girl who understands English really well and can speak quite a bit. You wouldn't know that unless you spent a lot of time around her though. She doesn't talk very much and it is extremely rare for her to speak unless she is spoken to. She is afraid to lead herself around most of the time. She will usually just stand and wait for someone to lead her, even if it is small distances within our apartment. Normally she won't engage herself in what others are doing and seems to be pretty content just sitting there in her own little world.

Stephanie is normally defined by everything I just said. Other foster moms, volunteers, staff members, and me before I became her foster mom usually describe her as a happy and quiet girl who probably has some self confidence issues due to whatever her past may be. But she is so much more.

Stephanie is a young teenage girl who loves to music. She loves when I sing to her (which is saying something because I am far from a pretty singer); she loves when I play music in the apartment; she loves to sing songs along with me. Her favorite song to sing in English is Jesus Loves Me which she always requests when I ask her what she would like to sing.

Stephanie is amazing. Lately as I have been trying to teach her new things, she has gone above and beyond and learned them in a matter of minutes. A couple weeks ago I worked with her on pushing the little ones in the baby swing that hangs in our living room. I started by standing behind her with my hands over hers working on pushing the swing forward and bracing for when it came back. After awhile I had her try it on her own and the first few times she didn't really get it. She would catch the swing and kind of walk back and forth with it. But we kept working and honestly I thought it would probably be something we would need to work on for several weeks before she fully grasped the concept and built up enough courage to let go and have a 4 year old in a swing flying at her that she couldn't see. But she surprised me.

This was after just 20 minutes of pushing the girls! She began pushing them on her own! And as you can tell, she is SO happy. This girl amazes me. She is becoming SUCH a different person than she was even just a month ago. She is really starting to come out of her shell and try new things. She is gaining so much self confidence each day, and I am so proud of her.

Yesterday I started working with her on using her guide cane. This was the very first time I had introduced her to it, so naturally I expected our lesson not to get much further than just learning how to hold it. Stephanie surprised me once again! We spent around two hours up on our roof practicing and by the end of our time she was walking all the way across the roof by herself!

We began by learning how to the hold the cane. I was doing hand over hand with her as she learned how the cane felt. Then we began walking slowly with the tip of the cane touching the ground. I showed her how if felt when the cane bumped into objects, then we learned how to go around them. Within the first hour Stephanie was walking by herself, but I was still beside her and giving her many verbal directions.

Then she began to surprise me! Paula was also on the roof in her wheelchair. She has a long way to go in building up strength to wheel herself around all day. Imagine living 12 years of your life without a wheelchair then having to learn to use it all at once! It's a completely new way of life. So I took a break with Steph and began working with Paula. I kind of expected Steph to just stand there until I came back to her, because well that's normally just what she does. Once again, she amazed me. She continued to walk around independently with her cane! I wasn't even prompting her. She was so excited to be able to explore on her own! The joy on her face was absolutely radiant as you can see in these photos! 

After I finished working with Paula, I came back to Steph and decided to try something new. I told her I was going to walk to the other end of the roof and start talking to her. I wanted her to follow the sound of my voice and find me on her own. I cried as she walked across the roof completely independently for the very first time. The smile on her face lit up the world and joy was overflowing from her. My girl did it. She did something that so many had deemed impossible for her. 

We worked for another hour as Steph walked to me independently again and again. She went around obstacles and walked to the sound of my voice with a smile on her face. I cannot express to you all how proud I am of her. Stephanie is the most amazing thirteen year old I have ever met. She has been through so much in her life that I cannot even imagine. She's grown up in a place that rejects her and sees her as worthless. She's spent the majority of her life just sitting around because no one ever saw the need to invest in her and help bring her life. She is overcoming all of that. I wish everyone who's ever written her off could see her now. I wish they could see the beautiful and amazing young woman she is becoming. 

Stephanie is AMAZING. I am so proud to be her mama. 

Learning to Love

I've been thinking about what to write in my next blog post for several days now. So much has been happening here, and there have been endless amounts of things on my mind! I guess I'll just start by giving you all a run down of what's been going on.

We've had trouble with Paula's school. Paula has cerebral palsy, and she cannot walk. She can get around by crawling fairly well, but she still moves much slower than other children. Paula has a wheelchair which she uses at home, but her school has never allowed her to bring it. I planned on going to school with her this past Monday to advocate for her and try to convince her principal that she needed her wheelchair. Paula's incredibly motivated to learn, and she has so much potential. But if she is using all her concentration and might just to sit up, then there is no way she will be able to focus on her school work.

Last week Paula's school told us that unless Paula could get on and off the bus at a normal speed like other children, she could no longer attend. This made me angry as I thought how much her life would be different if she were in America. There would be a bus with a wheelchair lift that comes to her home every day. She wouldn't have to worry about people discriminating against her because of her disability. She could get the specialized education she needs and really thrive. But we're not in America; we are in India.

So I began to plan what I was going to say to her teachers. An SCH staff member was going to go with me so that I could advocate for her without worrying about language barriers. I was determined to fight for my girl and have her in school with her wheelchair.

That never happened.

Monday morning we got a call saying Paula was no longer welcomed at school. The reason they gave was dumb and had absolutely nothing to do with her mobility challenges. Paula had been sick the week before and came home early one day. The school said she is no longer welcome because she had been sick at school. They didn't want her "infecting other children". I was furious as Paula only had a stomach bug. She was kicked out over something that happens to every kid at some point in their life. Personally, I think they were just looking for a  reason to kick her out because she is different.

We began brainstorming what to do next in regards to Paula's education. I sat down with her on Monday and began working with her on basic academic skills such as colors, numbers, shapes, and letters. I found that Paula doesn't actually know most of what I quizzed her on. She can recite the alphabet and count, but if I put an A in front of her and asked her what letter it was, she had no idea.  Unfortunately, most of what Paula had been learning was memorization. She has little knowledge to the concepts behind them.

So we decided to homeschool her. Paula now has a private tutor whom she goes to each day. She also spends time with me every day learning the alphabet, learning English, and working on speech.

I've really been struggling with how to effectively discipline my girls while at the same time making sure they know how much I love them. I've had the hardest time with Leah.

There isn't much we know about Leah's past but this. Leah was found wandering around a railway station a little over two months ago. She was brought to a government run orphanage and within a week transferred to SCH. We don't know if she was abandoned that recently, if she had been on her own for awhile, or if someone else had been trying to take care of her. 

Leah came to SCH speaking and understanding only Hindi (the language spoken here is Telugu). Her speech is often times intelligible, but she is so smart. She already understands most Telugu and she is understanding a lot of what I say to her in English. I don't think Leah has an intellectual disability. She is probably behind academically due to lack of education and she definitely has a speech problem, but she is a really smart kid. But she has some major behavior issues. 

Most of her behavior problems I'm sure stem from whatever her past may be. She hits the other girls really hard whenever she's mad or doesn't get her way. Every time I tell her in a stern voice "No beating Leah!" I often times grab her hands and put them by her sides, trying to demonstrate that we keep our hands to ourselves. Every time this happens she looks up at me and I can see the confusion in her eyes. She doesn't understand why she is suddenly getting in trouble for hitting. This is probably something she has done her entire life. If she did something wrong, she was hit. If another child did something wrong, she hit them. That has probably been the norm for her for a long time. 

So I struggle with how to effectively discipline her. She needs to know this behavior and several others are not ok. But the fact that it is not ok is such a foreign concept to her. Sometimes I will tell another one of my girls to do something (or not to do something) and if they don't listen, Leah will run up and hit them. She looks at me with a smile on her face, pointing to the other child. It breaks my heart. She thinks she is helping me. She is trying so hard to do the right thing, but she has such a skewed concept of what that is. 

My heart aches as I try to find the best way to discipline her. She needs to know these behaviors are not ok. But she isn't doing them for the same reasons most kids are. She thinks she is doing the right thing when in fact, she's doing the opposite. I don't want her to think she is being punished for trying to help me. I want her to know she is being punished for hitting. But those things are one in the same in her mind. 

I also don't want to punish her (or any of my girls) in a way that might make them relive some of the trauma they have in their past. That's so hard because I don't know what that is. If I raise my voice does that inflict emotional pain as they remember someone who yelled at them and beat them? The other day Leah was supposed to be in time out and I could not get her to sit down. I had tried to physically box her in so she couldn't get up and it just wasn't working. I ended up sending her to her room for a few minutes. Yesterday I found out that's a terrible thing to do for a child who has been abandoned. It promotes ideas of separation and abandonment in their minds. My heart ached as I began to regret that I had unknowingly caused her more harm than good in that moment. 

Later on I cried and begged God to give me wisdom. I don't know how to effectively discipline Leah. I have no clue how to teach her what is right and wrong without unintentionally bringing up things from her past. I want to be a source of light in her life. I want her to look at me and feel Christ's love for her. I pray every day that I am a beacon for his light on my girls.

So much more has been happening here and I am excited to share all of it with you! However this post has already turned into quite the novel. I have several more things to say, but I'll save them for another post in a couple days. :)