Cheaper By The Dozen

It's time for my big announcement! I am now a foster mom to 12 girls!

Many of you all have seen me post on Facebook about my friend Abby who is coming to SCH to foster. Abby and I have been praying for a couple months about bringing our girls together and co-fostering. We really felt like this was what God was leading us to, so we spoke with our director and she was all for it! 

We are living on the entire top floor of our building, Faith Home. We decided to call our home the "House of Joyful Noise" which is fitting for our spunky twelve. The top floor is set up in two apartments which I turned into one giant home this week! We have four bedrooms. Abby and I share a bedroom (with AIR CONDITIONING - Hallelujah for that!). We are in the back apartment with our littlest girls in the other bedroom - Heidi, Angel, Chelsea, Jackie, and Naomi. The older girls live in the two bedrooms in the front. Jeanette, Esther, and Rebekah share a room and Paula, Stephanie, Phoebe, and Victoria share the other. I set the back apartment up to be a living room and GIANT play room! (Pictures to come!) The front apartment contains our dining area and we are turning that living room into a school room where out older girls can work on homework every evening. 

I've been a single foster mom to 12 for a little over 24 hours now, and let me tell you. It is HARD. I absolutely cannot wait until Abby gets here this week! On Monday night I am riding an overnight bus to Hyderabad so I can pick Abby up at the airport early Wednesday morning. On Thursday night Abby and I will be traveling back to Ongole and begin this wonderful fostering adventure together! 

These are my six who I've been fostering the past two months. Paula, Angel, Stephanie, Naomi, Chelsea, and Heidi. I'm excited to introduce you to my six new beautiful foster daughters!! Meet Phoebe, Victoria, Jackie, Rebekah, Jeanette, and Esther. 

Phoebe is completely blind and the smartest girl I have ever met. This girl can solve entire 25 piece puzzles completely on her own! She speaks really good English and loves to sit around and talk with me. She is really pretty mature for her age, and is a wonderful big sister to all our little ones! Phoebe is Stephanie's best friend and I couldn't be happier that they are now living together. Today I caught the two of them sitting on the couch jabbering away is rapid Telugu, which is something I have never heard Steph do with anyone! I'm really excited to see how great this will be for both of them.

Victoria is mostly blind (she has about 10% of her vision), and she is one of the most energetic girls I have ever met. Her smile is one of my all time favorites! Victoria is spunky, goofy, and absolutely wild. She has really surprised me since moving in though. When I met Victoria last summer, she bounced off the walls and was completely out of control. Sometimes she's still like that, but then last night she sat down with Phoebe and I and had a really serious conversation. This girl is really starting to grow up and I am so proud of her!

Jackie is my spunky five year old with some hand and feet differences. She was born with a deformity causing each of her hands to only have one finger and causing each of her feet to have only one toe. Jackie amazes me with what she can do with those two little fingers! She has learned how to write, draw, eat, hold utensils, you name it! Jackie's English is actually really good and she loves to strike up conversations with volunteers. This little ball of spunk cracks me up, and she might love the TV more than anyone else I know! :)

Rebekah has Apert's Syndrome which makes her look a little different. It also causes an intellectual disability, but as you know that doesn't make her any different than anyone else! Rebekah is wonderful, energetic, and crazy. A recent volunteer described her by saying, "I just love her. She's just like me - a hot mess." Rebekah really is a little hot mess! She is all over the place, all the time. But she is oh so loving. Last night Rebekah was a little scared being in our new home. So I curled up next to her in bed and rubbed her back as she fell asleep in my arms. I'm really excited to see how much Rebekah will grow in the coming months as Abby and I begin to really invest in her!

Jeanette is completely blind and 110% our wild child! She has a beautiful prosthetic eye. Jeanette is completely fearless. This girl can't see a thing, but that doesn't stop her from running around full speed with her arms stretched out in front of her! Jeanette spends a big chuck of her time wrapped around my waist ready for an adventure! Jeanette is full of energy and spunk! I love her and can't wait to see her learn to use her guide cane and become more independent without crashing into things! 

Esther has a mild form of cerebral palsy and an intellectual disability. She is so full of joy, excitement, and life! Esther was by far the most excited about moving in with us (which is saying a lot because all the girls were ecstatic!) When I went to pick them up from their old apartment Esther was jumping up and down screaming "YAY YAY YAY YAY!!!!!!" She is for sure a cutie pie and brings so much joy and life into our home!

So there you have it! I am a mama to twelve of the most amazing girls on the planet and I love it! In a few days our family will be complete with Abby mama, and we will be a wonderful and happy family of 14! :) 

"This day is holy of our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength." Nehemiah 8:10

Adoption: Part 1

Meet Heidi. This little 4 1/2 year old has an unbreakable hold on my heart. She is the sassiest, most joyful, moodiest, cutest, giggly cuddle bug on the face of the earth. This girl has more attitude than all of our SCH teenagers put together. She is a pro at the stank face, and her favorite activity is wagging her finger in her sister's face. Heidi giggles nearly every time I pick her up, and she loves one on one time. Heidi tries to braid my hair every afternoon after her bath time. She laughs every time as she ends up laying in my lap after a failed hairstyle. My love for Heidi is so much greater than any love I have ever had for another person. The love I have for all my girls is like that, but Heidi holds a special place in my heart.

I remember the first moment I met Heidi. Last summer, my team and I were gearing up for our first day of preschool English camp when the SCH car arrived full of kids. Hannah, one of our older school girls, helped the little ones out on to the sidewalk. Then she turned and placed Heidi in my arms. Heidi was SO tiny. I remember her wrapping her arms around my neck and resting her head on my shoulder. I was immediately overwhelmed with a huge love for this girl.

Last summer, she was like a tiny little noodle who folded into my arms. It took me two days to get her to sit facing away from me and participate with the other kids. At first I thought she might be shy or afraid of others. I was shocked to find at the end of our second day when I put her into the SCH car to go home, Heidi climbed into her seat, wagging her finger at the other kids and ordered them to move over. This little girl had some attitude!

The more I got to know her last summer, the more I fell in love. Heidi was perfect. She has Down Syndrome and she didn't talk, but that didn't make her any less of a person. I knew that God made her fearfully and wonderfully. And I knew that God made me knowing that I would one day enter into this girl's life.

After I left India last summer, I missed Heidi every single day. For months I would stalk SCH foster moms and volunteers on Facebook looking for new pictures of Heidi and updates on my baby girl.

When I felt God calling me back to foster, it was obvious that I was supposed to go to her home. My heart longed to be back in India loving her and my other girls. God placed this bond on my heart, linking me to Heidi. There wasn't a day that went by where my thoughts weren't consumed with the memories I had of this sweet little girl.

In March we discovered Heidi's tonsils and adenoids were swollen and blocking more than 75% of her airway. She quickly had a surgery scheduled to remove her tonsils and adenoids. Her old foster mom sent me a message detailing everything, and my heart broke. I knew this wasn't a major surgery. Kids have their tonsils out all the time. But Heidi was in Hyderabad for the surgery and her old foster mom wasn't. She was back in Ongole with the other girls. The thought of Heidi going through this without a mom sickened me. I wanted so badly to hop on a plane the very next day and be there with her. I wanted to carry her into the hospital, and lay her down in the bed. I wanted to hold her hand as they gave her the anesthesia, and be by her side as she drifted off to sleep. I wanted my face to be the first thing she saw when she woke up from the surgery. I wanted her to know I loved her and be comforted that her mom wasn't putting her through this alone.

I also knew these weren't exactly realistic expectations. If I really had hopped on a plane and shown up the day before her surgery, I would have been a stranger. Even worse, I would have been a very white stranger who didn't fit in at all. Heidi probably wouldn't have recognized me and my presence wouldn't have helped things much. If Heidi needed a surgery like this now, things would be be different. I would be a huge comfort to her. But I'm still not everything she needs.

Heidi needs a real mom.

She needs a real mom and a real dad. Heidi needs a family. While our little family is great, living at SCH is not the best thing for her. She is still an orphan here. Over time, some of her foster sisters will probably be adopted. She might receive new foster sisters, and maybe new foster parents. A time will come when I have to leave SCH. As much as it breaks my heart to think about it, I know it is true. I love my girls and I love being their mom. But I am like a band-aid covering their wounds of abandonment. I stop the bleeding and help wipe away the tears, but I don't heal the wound. I am not Heidi's forever mommy. 

I love Heidi and I am dead serious when I say that if Heidi is still here in five years, I WILL adopt her. But I hope and pray every single day that is not the case. She doesn't need to spend five more years here waiting for me to become eligible to pursue her. She needs a family NOW. Heidi needs loving parents who choose to fight for her and walk alongside her forever. She needs parents who love her unconditionally and who choose to lay down their lives for their beautiful daughter. She needs a forever family.

 

Every night long after my girls fall asleep, I go and check on each one of them. As I watch all six sleep soundly, I pray that their forever families are out there. If I could adopt all six of my girls right now I would. I honestly really would adopt all six of them in a heartbeat. But that isn't possible. I know the Lord has great plans for my girls, and I dearly hope His plans involve six forever families. 

I hold Heidi and wonder how I will ever be able to let her go. With a smile, I imagine one day handing her over to her parents. I imagine completely letting go of my baby girl and giving her to something so much better. I hope and pray Heidi's family is out there fighting for her, pursuing her, and praying for her every day. She has so much love to give and so much love she needs to receive.

I can't think of a better way I could love her than surrendering her completely to the Lord and trusting that He has a family out there for her. If it is the Lord's plan for me to one day become her real mom, than I pray he keeps her safe until that day. But I really hope He has different plans. I hope she is long gone and home with her family by the time I turn 25. 

Join me in praying for Heidi and all my other girls. They need families. Pray that the adoption process speeds up, and that all our kids at SCH make it home soon. They need mommies and daddies who will be with them forever. 

I post this verse a lot, but God really lays it on my heart every time I think about adoption. Jesus says in John 14:18 "I will not leave you as orphans. I will come to you." I know that wherever my girls end up, they are not orphans of God. He is their Heavenly Father and will never abandon them. They are His. 

I'm Home

I haven't been blogging as much as I would like to lately. Ideally I would like to post two or three times a week, but that just hasn't been happening. I feel like I have told you all a lot about my girls and what is going on with them, but I haven't told you much about what is going on with me.

So here goes. A blog post about my life lately in India.

I absolutely LOVE living in Ongole. I never want to leave. I love my girls more than anything and I can't imagine not being their mom. I love fostering. It is the hardest thing I have ever done, but it is so amazing. I love this city and feel so at home here.

Ongole is considered a village by most Indians. The population is a little larger than Knoxville, so it doesn't feel small to me! It isn't clean whatsoever. I rarely see real cars that are used as a family or personal vehicle. True American food is a thing of the past, and I eat more and more like an Indian each day. The city is loud, crowded, and far from what I used to consider home.

I'm not going to lie - my first couple weeks in India were HARD. I cried 5-8 times a day for the first two weeks. I hated living in Ongole. I didn't feel prepared to be a mom. I only knew 5 Telugu words and couldn't communicate with anyone. December 8th felt years away, and I wanted to go home. I thought I might have made a mistake by coming to India. Oh how wrong I was.

Ongole is my home. My girls are my family.

I walk down the streets of Ongole with a smile on my face. I love hailing rickshaw autos and telling drivers to go away when they try to overcharge me. I love learning Telugu from my nurse friends who work here. Lalitha, a nurse about my age, has quickly become one of my closest friends. We talk, laugh, and tease each other every day. She talks to me about my life in America, and I talk to her about her Indian life outside of SCH. I'm thankful to have an Indian friend who is just as sassy as I am. :)

I am quickly picking up more Telugu, and will be starting formal lessons in a few weeks. I've learned enough that I can communicate more efficiently with my Indian staff, as well as tell my girls useful commands like "go to sleep!"

I'm doing things I swore I would never do. When I first arrived there were certain Indian customs I never wanted to become my norm. But now I buy live chickens to cook, eat with my hands, use the squatty potty in my bathroom, balance things on my head to carry, and sometimes eat rice for breakfast. No worries though - I still use toilet paper and I am NEVER going full Indian on that front.

India really is my home now. Before I graduated high school, I really felt like I wasn't following God's will by applying to colleges. Once I started college I felt like I was flat out disobeying God. I felt like this my freshman year, and felt it even stronger after I returned from my first trip to India last summer. Hear me out - I am incredibly thankful for the two years that I spent in school. I learned so much and made friends I never would have otherwise. Most of my closest friends I either met or rekindled with in college. God definitely worked in my life during those two years. He stretched me and grew me tremendously. He put me through extremely hard things, refining my heart and preparing to send it to India.

But I still don't think it is where He wanted me to be. He definitely used my time spent in school, but ultimately I never once felt like I was in the center of His will.

Living in my tiny apartment with my six wonderful girls is different. I finally feel like I am in the center of God's will. I am exactly where He wants me, and it brings me inexplicable joy to know that.

This is my home. This is my life, and I love every second of it. I love Heidi, Angel, Naomi, Chelsea, Paula, and Stephanie. I love all the other kids at SCH. I love hosting volunteer teams that come through and seeing them love on our kids. I love the other missionaries fostering here. I love the city. I love the simplicity. I love the chaos. I love it all.

God placed me here for it to become my new home, for my girls to become my new family. And I praise Him every second of every day for doing so.

Leah Part 2

I haven't been able to bring myself to write about this until now. My heart aches for Leah and yearns for Christ to redeem her soul. On Saturday Leah moved to a different foster home.

After spending nine days in Hyderabad, we arrived back in Ongole on Friday morning. Leah and I were thrilled to see the rest of the girls and finally be back home. She did really well in Hyderabad as a whole. She had her temper tantrums and fits of rage; she hated the hospitals and put up a fight every visit, but she was playing well with the other children. She listened and obeyed on the first request way more often than she had been at home. Her bed wetting decreased tremendously, and she was an all around joyful kid. Then we arrived back home.

Her first night back in our apartment was a really bad one. All of her behaviors that were putting the other girls in danger came back. I didn't know what to do. After talking with our director Sarah and the Rippees, we decided to move Leah to an apartment in Grace Home that Randy and Rita foster. The girls in her new apartment are closer to her age and can defend themselves in a bad situation whereas my girls could not. Leah goes to an on sight Special Education school in their apartment, so she already is familiar with her new foster sisters.

On Saturday morning I went over to see Leah at Grace and tell her what was happening. I told her in English and had someone translate and tell her in Hindi as well. I wanted to be sure she understood what was happening fully. I told Leah that she was going to live here at Grace now. I told her I loved her and that I would still come see her. As I hugged her, she buried her head into my chest screaming and crying. I cannot even begin to describe the pain and longing in her cry. Leah understood what was happening and this was her way of begging me to stay. Tears ran down my face as I repeated "I love you. I love you. I love you so much Leah."

When it came time for me to leave, Leah chased after me screaming. Her voice was so full of pain and longing. I kissed her on the cheek, told her I loved her, and walked out the door as the nurses restrained her to keep her from hurting herself or anyone else.

I walked outside Grace Home, sat down on the side of the road and cried. Rita came over and talked to me for awhile about how I was feeling and how Leah was doing. I cried as I confessed that I felt like I was abandoning her. No child should have to go through this less than four months after they were found at a train station.

I want Leah to know how much I love her. I want her to understand that she means more to me than she can fathom. I want her to know that the last thing I want is for her to feel abandoned. I want her to know how much prayer went into this decision, and that it was still the hardest decision I have ever made. I want her to know that this is what we believe is best for her and our other children. I pray every day that she likes her new home, adjusts well, and knows that I love her.

We had to make an extremely hard decision that was in the best interest of both her and my other six girls. While I believe this was the right decision, it still isn't an easy one.

I will love you forever Leah. While I may no longer be your foster mom, you will never stop being one of my foster daughters. I promise to pray for you every single day. I pray that your paperwork is quickly processed and you become eligible for adoption. I pray that your forever family is out there ready to welcome you in with loving arms. I pray that you find joy and peace in your new home. I pray that the Lord teaches you to control your anger and live a life filled with His grace. 

Jesus promised in John 14:18 that he would not leave us as orphans, but that He would come for us. Moving Leah is the hardest thing I have ever done, but I find peace in knowing that her life is in God's hands. I didn't give her to the Rippees, Sarah, or her new foster sisters. I gave her to God. And he will not leave her as an orphan. He will come for her and bring her new life.

May the Lord bless her and keep her. Make the Lord make his face shine upon her and be gracious unto her. May the Lord lift up His countenance upon her and give her peace. Amen.

My Beautiful Birthday Girl

Isn't she just radiant? Paula's thirteenth birthday was yesterday (August 2nd)! For nearly a week before, I would Skype her from Hyderabad and Paula would scream "Happy birthday! Happy birthday Paula!" As soon as I got home on Friday morning she started singing the birthday song as she scooted towards me. The look of excitement on her face was like a child on Christmas Eve. She COULD NOT wait! 

I bought her a half saree for the birthday. We went to pick out the fabric on Friday afternoon and the SCH tailor stitched it for her! Before her party I helped her dress up and do her hair. One of our nurses here gave her a brand new pair of earrings and some girls serving here for a month bought her hair flowers! 

Before the party my friends Elise and Shawna helped me decorate the roof of our building! We hung balloons and streamers as well as a birthday collage consisting of banners and pictures of Paula! There was music playing that consisted of Paula's favorite songs. 

Paula opened two gifts from some of the short term volunteers who are at SCH right now. They got her a pair of new gold bangles and gold anklets! Let me tell you - she LOVED it! I got her cake out as we all sang Happy Birthday! Paula blew out the candles and laughed as everyone clapped for her. We all had some cake and Paula took pictures with everyone who came to her party! 

After her party, we took Paula to eat dinner at Ramya (a nice restaurant in town). The members of the team serving here helped me carry Paula and her wheelchair up steps, and into autos. I wanted the night to be all about Paula because she deserves it. 

Paula is the most joyful child I have ever known. She has faced so many hard things in her life, yet she never complains. She climbs stairs every day with a smile on her face. She sings at the top of her lungs, claps with enthusiasm, and strikes up conversations with anyone who passes. Paula is very aware of her disability, and I can tell it bothers her that she isn't as physically able as her sisters and friends. She often times get overshadowed or left behind just because she can't keep up.

Seeing the joy on her face when we did everything to serve HER specifically made me cry. Paula was SO joyful. She was absolutely radiant and glowing. Paula was beautiful, inside and out. 

Would you consider getting Paula a birthday present? Paula needs monthly sponsors. She currently doesn't have any sponsors which means all of her living expenses are being taken out of SCH's general fund. We'd like this money to be used solely for emergency medical expenses, and administrative costs. If you choose to sponsor Paula, I will personally Skype you with her! You can meet her, talk, and get to know this beautiful girl! 

Paula's sponsorship is $200 a month and $50 a month for school expenses. But you can partially sponsor her at $40 a month! I really want to see Paula get fully sponsored soon, because this radiant girl deserves it.

Happy 13th Birthday beautiful girl! It's nice to have such a joyful teenager in the house!